How to help my (24M) girlfriend (23F) suffering from low libido /u/ThrowRAquixoticstar7 Sex

Using throwaway d/t other account followers. I read through many posts on this topic, but couldn’t find situations I felt fully fit.

My girlfriend has a stressful life (medical school) and is on an SSRI medication. Those two can make things difficult. She doesn’t have major body image issues, but does have occasional generalized anxiety that sometimes includes minor appearance things.

We have been together for nearly a year and have a great relationship. Love, attraction, trust, and respect are all there. I have a relatively high libido (would prefer 5x per week). We average about 2x per week, I’d say. While I understand that her desire pilots our sex life, I do find the flight a bit jarring, which is why I’m asking for your help.

When we first started seeing each other, the sex was initiated equally, but barring rare occasion, I now find myself initiating most often. I struggled initially, and still do though much less, with the rejection when she didn’t want to have sex. We had conversations about this after it happened a few times; we didn’t see eye to eye at first, but we developed somewhat of an understanding.

And yet, as time passes, the sting of rejection has molded more into a feeling of being alone in my desire for sex.

Let’s be clear: she wants to have sex, but I don’t think her body makes that too easy. She gets frustrated with herself that she wants to mentally but not physically. It is also very common for her to make her intentions of having sex later clear, only to lose that desire when the time comes. When she says she wants to later, I feel like one of Pavlov’s dogs.

I am usually very patient and understanding about her desire, but I admittedly struggle when things seem to be getting hot and heavy, then end with her saying she doesn’t want to. It catches me off guard and left wandering when her desire was lost in a short amount of time. It really does suck.

But I can never seem to communicate this to her appropriately. She gets upset with me, saying I make her feel bad for bringing up her lack of desire when she feels that she wants to but can’t. I get how that can be frustrating, but she also doesn’t ever want to explore solutions.

I know some have success with planning sex, and I’d also be happy with non-PIV acts. She hasn’t been receptive so far, and I know it’s in part due to frustration with herself.

Ultimately, I’m not having the amount of sex I’d like, and I don’t feel like she is making an effort. I also can’t really blame her at all given her circumstances. I do feel alone in this, though, and like my libido is my problem. It’s difficult feeling like my sex life is controlled by her and not where I’d like it to be. I hate making her feel bad, but I have a hard time getting her to respect my position, so I’m asking for you all to either tell me I’m out of line or to help me find a good approach.

TLDR: GF has low libido due to stress and medication. She feels bad about it, but doesn’t want to look for solutions, leaving me in a hard spot.

Using throwaway d/t other account followers. I read through many posts on this topic, but couldn’t find situations I felt fully fit.

My girlfriend has a stressful life (medical school) and is on an SSRI medication. Those two can make things difficult. She doesn’t have major body image issues, but does have occasional generalized anxiety that sometimes includes minor appearance things.

We have been together for nearly a year and have a great relationship. Love, attraction, trust, and respect are all there. I have a relatively high libido (would prefer 5x per week). We average about 2x per week, I’d say. While I understand that her desire pilots our sex life, I do find the flight a bit jarring, which is why I’m asking for your help.

When we first started seeing each other, the sex was initiated equally, but barring rare occasion, I now find myself initiating most often. I struggled initially, and still do though much less, with the rejection when she didn’t want to have sex. We had conversations about this after it happened a few times; we didn’t see eye to eye at first, but we developed somewhat of an understanding.

And yet, as time passes, the sting of rejection has molded more into a feeling of being alone in my desire for sex.

Let’s be clear: she wants to have sex, but I don’t think her body makes that too easy. She gets frustrated with herself that she wants to mentally but not physically. It is also very common for her to make her intentions of having sex later clear, only to lose that desire when the time comes. When she says she wants to later, I feel like one of Pavlov’s dogs.

I am usually very patient and understanding about her desire, but I admittedly struggle when things seem to be getting hot and heavy, then end with her saying she doesn’t want to. It catches me off guard and left wandering when her desire was lost in a short amount of time. It really does suck.

But I can never seem to communicate this to her appropriately. She gets upset with me, saying I make her feel bad for bringing up her lack of desire when she feels that she wants to but can’t. I get how that can be frustrating, but she also doesn’t ever want to explore solutions.

I know some have success with planning sex, and I’d also be happy with non-PIV acts. She hasn’t been receptive so far, and I know it’s in part due to frustration with herself.

Ultimately, I’m not having the amount of sex I’d like, and I don’t feel like she is making an effort. I also can’t really blame her at all given her circumstances. I do feel alone in this, though, and like my libido is my problem. It’s difficult feeling like my sex life is controlled by her and not where I’d like it to be. I hate making her feel bad, but I have a hard time getting her to respect my position, so I’m asking for you all to either tell me I’m out of line or to help me find a good approach.

TLDR: GF has low libido due to stress and medication. She feels bad about it, but doesn’t want to look for solutions, leaving me in a hard spot.