Why am I shamed for wanting sex by people who freely have/talk about sex whenever they please? /u/Shryem Sex

I can think of my ex-BFF in particular who would say things like, “you better keep your sex life private (or something), otherwise people will think you have an STD.” Like, what? I took STD tests and why the hell would I be concerned with what another person thinks with NO evidence?

My mom tells me don’t sleep around or else no guy will want you. “If you have sex before marriage I’ll kill you,” she once said to me. Meanwhile she’s quite open-minded at the dinner table, just not with me individually. So is my dad. I am brought up in a conservative family where being horny is seen as “too much” but it feels like only for me and frankly this has literally made me mentally insane, no exaggeration. I just want to cum loudly in my house with a vibrator but my mom’s so nosy and she’d find it and I get no time alone in the house.

I think it’s because I discovered sex too early when I was young and was caught a few times masturbating by my mom.

Anyway, I’m tired of the shame. I have a fitness account on Instagram and I’ve opened the bottle of worms about sexuality so to speak on my page and there’s no going back but I think about how being sexual and horny is a sin and a burden especially at the age of 23 and I don’t want to see it that way anymore. Any insights into why I’m shamed for my sexuality? Why can’t I enjoy it like I want to? Why?

Also I’m a SA survivor and I kind of hinted it as well on my page a few times very indirectly and in the meantime I was pretty open about sexuality because I felt that developing a better relationship to sex while taking more precautions was the right thing to do. I didn’t want to have a worse relationship to it from that event. Why is that a bad thing as people tell me I’m just placing myself in a vulnerable position?

I can think of my ex-BFF in particular who would say things like, “you better keep your sex life private (or something), otherwise people will think you have an STD.” Like, what? I took STD tests and why the hell would I be concerned with what another person thinks with NO evidence?

My mom tells me don’t sleep around or else no guy will want you. “If you have sex before marriage I’ll kill you,” she once said to me. Meanwhile she’s quite open-minded at the dinner table, just not with me individually. So is my dad. I am brought up in a conservative family where being horny is seen as “too much” but it feels like only for me and frankly this has literally made me mentally insane, no exaggeration. I just want to cum loudly in my house with a vibrator but my mom’s so nosy and she’d find it and I get no time alone in the house.

I think it’s because I discovered sex too early when I was young and was caught a few times masturbating by my mom.

Anyway, I’m tired of the shame. I have a fitness account on Instagram and I’ve opened the bottle of worms about sexuality so to speak on my page and there’s no going back but I think about how being sexual and horny is a sin and a burden especially at the age of 23 and I don’t want to see it that way anymore. Any insights into why I’m shamed for my sexuality? Why can’t I enjoy it like I want to? Why?

Also I’m a SA survivor and I kind of hinted it as well on my page a few times very indirectly and in the meantime I was pretty open about sexuality because I felt that developing a better relationship to sex while taking more precautions was the right thing to do. I didn’t want to have a worse relationship to it from that event. Why is that a bad thing as people tell me I’m just placing myself in a vulnerable position?