Physical and emotional pain/anxiety when gf touches my penis. Technique, trauma, or something else? /u/redditcringemoment Sex

For starting clarification, I (24m) have very little sexual experience (handjobs and oral but never PIV) for many reasons including a now-abandoned religious upbringing and what I would consider mild childhood trauma. All my previous experiences were tolerable at best and panic-attack-inducing at worst.

In previous relationships, most sexual activities were initiated by my partners, but there was never much conversation about consent and desire; it was simply assumed. Thus, coupled with the religious beliefs and the trauma, most sexual encounters left me feeling ashamed, dirty, and so on. These experiences were so distressing that I chose to be celibate and single for 6 years. Now, i’ve met a wonderful woman who communicates with me better than all my previous partners combined, and this helps me feel much safer in expressing my sexuality with her. I fully enjoy and feel present when fingering her and giving her oral.

However, while I’ve made great progress in feeling comfortable around her while naked and in participating in activities aimed at her pleasure, I feel extreme physical and emotional discomfort when she touches my penis with her hands or attempts to give me oral, as I experienced with previous partners. At first, I thought it was just a technique thing. But after directing her to be slow and gentle, and after multiple attempts, I realized that even her slightest touch on my penis causes me extreme discomfort, almost painfully so, and anxiety almost immediately.

She is profoundly understanding and supportive, and is clear about her willingness to let me take as much time as I need to become more comfortable, however this is terribly distressing. I want her to be able to please me, and I know she wants to as well, however it is simply too painful physiologically.

Is the physical pain a trauma response? Am I simply not accustomed to the feeling of someone else touching me in that way? To be clear, I don’t experience this pain while masturbating, and can even masturbate comfortably with her. But when she touches my penis even slightly, it is painful and I start to dissociate. I don’t know what to do.

For starting clarification, I (24m) have very little sexual experience (handjobs and oral but never PIV) for many reasons including a now-abandoned religious upbringing and what I would consider mild childhood trauma. All my previous experiences were tolerable at best and panic-attack-inducing at worst.

In previous relationships, most sexual activities were initiated by my partners, but there was never much conversation about consent and desire; it was simply assumed. Thus, coupled with the religious beliefs and the trauma, most sexual encounters left me feeling ashamed, dirty, and so on. These experiences were so distressing that I chose to be celibate and single for 6 years. Now, i’ve met a wonderful woman who communicates with me better than all my previous partners combined, and this helps me feel much safer in expressing my sexuality with her. I fully enjoy and feel present when fingering her and giving her oral.

However, while I’ve made great progress in feeling comfortable around her while naked and in participating in activities aimed at her pleasure, I feel extreme physical and emotional discomfort when she touches my penis with her hands or attempts to give me oral, as I experienced with previous partners. At first, I thought it was just a technique thing. But after directing her to be slow and gentle, and after multiple attempts, I realized that even her slightest touch on my penis causes me extreme discomfort, almost painfully so, and anxiety almost immediately.

She is profoundly understanding and supportive, and is clear about her willingness to let me take as much time as I need to become more comfortable, however this is terribly distressing. I want her to be able to please me, and I know she wants to as well, however it is simply too painful physiologically.

Is the physical pain a trauma response? Am I simply not accustomed to the feeling of someone else touching me in that way? To be clear, I don’t experience this pain while masturbating, and can even masturbate comfortably with her. But when she touches my penis even slightly, it is painful and I start to dissociate. I don’t know what to do.