Feel more at ease with giving than receiving, but don’t want intimacy to be too one-sided /u/saudade_throwaway Sex

My bf and I (m&f, both 19) are very inexperienced, really just getting started on figuring out what we both enjoy. One thing I’ve noticed is that I feel more at ease “giving” instead of receiving.

Part of it is the pure physical sensation – I feel like I’m just not getting as much out of receiving as he is, so it’s more satisfying to focus on him.

He is much more sensitive, reacting strongly with noises, movements etc., and I’m usually able to make him cum. To me, eliciting that kind of reaction feels amazing and exciting.

However, when I’m being touched, no matter if it’s my nipples/boobs, thighs, neck, earlobes, feet, whatever, it’s enjoyable, but nowhere near as stimulating or arousing as it seems to be for him. Not even my clit is very sensitive. The few times he tried fingering me, I didn’t come and ended it because I felt uncomfortable knowing it was taking so long. Same problem with masturbation: It feels good, but not overwhelmingly so, and I almost never orgasm.

Apart from that, my mental state also plays a huge role. When I’m touching him all over, it’s so much easier to just be in the moment. When I’m in a more passive role, I’m up in my own head way too much. I’ll feel insecure about myself or just think about completely random things. I try really hard not to get distracted, but as soon as my hands don’t have much to do, I can’t seem to help it 🙁

He tries very hard to prioritize my pleasure as well and to make sure I enjoy it, asks for guidance a lot and actually follows directions. He said that he’ll try fingering me again whenever I want him to, as often as it takes etc. The problem is on my side – I genuinely have no idea what kind of directions to give him, since nothing seems to be that stimulating.

I’m wondering whether I should just accept this as my preference. I do get a lot of satisfaction out of pleasing him. However, I’m worried about the following: 1) These clear roles (giving vs. receiving, active vs. passive) creating an imbalance in our relationship. IMO it’s gotten even more one-sided lately. I’m scared that this dynamic might translate to aspects other than sex. Being on equal footing with my partner is very important to me. 2) That I’m taking the easy way out by avoiding focusing on my own pleasure, and that my lack of sensitivity and how easily I get distracted indicate some underlying problem that I should work through. 3) Him being insecure about how different our experiences are. I know he feels bad that he hasn’t made me cum so far, even though I try my best to reassure him that he shouldn’t consider it a failure on his part.

My bf and I (m&f, both 19) are very inexperienced, really just getting started on figuring out what we both enjoy. One thing I’ve noticed is that I feel more at ease “giving” instead of receiving.

Part of it is the pure physical sensation – I feel like I’m just not getting as much out of receiving as he is, so it’s more satisfying to focus on him.

He is much more sensitive, reacting strongly with noises, movements etc., and I’m usually able to make him cum. To me, eliciting that kind of reaction feels amazing and exciting.

However, when I’m being touched, no matter if it’s my nipples/boobs, thighs, neck, earlobes, feet, whatever, it’s enjoyable, but nowhere near as stimulating or arousing as it seems to be for him. Not even my clit is very sensitive. The few times he tried fingering me, I didn’t come and ended it because I felt uncomfortable knowing it was taking so long. Same problem with masturbation: It feels good, but not overwhelmingly so, and I almost never orgasm.

Apart from that, my mental state also plays a huge role. When I’m touching him all over, it’s so much easier to just be in the moment. When I’m in a more passive role, I’m up in my own head way too much. I’ll feel insecure about myself or just think about completely random things. I try really hard not to get distracted, but as soon as my hands don’t have much to do, I can’t seem to help it 🙁

He tries very hard to prioritize my pleasure as well and to make sure I enjoy it, asks for guidance a lot and actually follows directions. He said that he’ll try fingering me again whenever I want him to, as often as it takes etc. The problem is on my side – I genuinely have no idea what kind of directions to give him, since nothing seems to be that stimulating.

I’m wondering whether I should just accept this as my preference. I do get a lot of satisfaction out of pleasing him. However, I’m worried about the following: 1) These clear roles (giving vs. receiving, active vs. passive) creating an imbalance in our relationship. IMO it’s gotten even more one-sided lately. I’m scared that this dynamic might translate to aspects other than sex. Being on equal footing with my partner is very important to me. 2) That I’m taking the easy way out by avoiding focusing on my own pleasure, and that my lack of sensitivity and how easily I get distracted indicate some underlying problem that I should work through. 3) Him being insecure about how different our experiences are. I know he feels bad that he hasn’t made me cum so far, even though I try my best to reassure him that he shouldn’t consider it a failure on his part.