Consent when initiating sex with a new partner /u/ReviewMe7164 Sex

(1) I’m aware verbally asking for consent is considered the gold standard.

(2) I’m also aware that consent can be non-verbal, i.e. if you make a move that is a reasonable escalation in the context but your partner does not reciprocate or shows discomfort, you should stop. Otherwise, if they take active part it’s a sign they are into it and you can proceed. Of course if you want to try something completely different than what you’re doing at the moment asking is natural and logically necessary.

How does all this apply when you are seeing someone new?

Say you have a person you started dating and you’re already having heavy make out sessions. In that context, is it acceptable for one partner to escalate a bit with more physical touch in according to principle (2) by making a slight reasonably more intimate move than the current level of intimacy? E.g. if you are already kissing just some lighter touch on partner’s upper body, NOT hands for the pants or holding the breasts. If partner doesn’t show discomfort or moves your hand away and starts touching you the same way, you can continue. If not stop, and check in with your partner.

Applying this (if it is acceptable) it seems possible to get pretty close to each other’s genitals without having to verify consent verbally. Of course at some point you’ll need to coordinate what you want to do next so you’ll have to ask.

Would this respect your partner’s consent? I know it is preferred to do more talking because it is unambiguous, but I can’t imagine majority of people who get together (e.g. couples who make out on the couch and escalate to sex) go through the process of actually asking for each step of the way. The way I see it, it would be fairly awkward if you had to ask each time you wanted to move your hands elsewhere.

(1) I’m aware verbally asking for consent is considered the gold standard.

(2) I’m also aware that consent can be non-verbal, i.e. if you make a move that is a reasonable escalation in the context but your partner does not reciprocate or shows discomfort, you should stop. Otherwise, if they take active part it’s a sign they are into it and you can proceed. Of course if you want to try something completely different than what you’re doing at the moment asking is natural and logically necessary.

How does all this apply when you are seeing someone new?

Say you have a person you started dating and you’re already having heavy make out sessions. In that context, is it acceptable for one partner to escalate a bit with more physical touch in according to principle (2) by making a slight reasonably more intimate move than the current level of intimacy? E.g. if you are already kissing just some lighter touch on partner’s upper body, NOT hands for the pants or holding the breasts. If partner doesn’t show discomfort or moves your hand away and starts touching you the same way, you can continue. If not stop, and check in with your partner.

Applying this (if it is acceptable) it seems possible to get pretty close to each other’s genitals without having to verify consent verbally. Of course at some point you’ll need to coordinate what you want to do next so you’ll have to ask.

Would this respect your partner’s consent? I know it is preferred to do more talking because it is unambiguous, but I can’t imagine majority of people who get together (e.g. couples who make out on the couch and escalate to sex) go through the process of actually asking for each step of the way. The way I see it, it would be fairly awkward if you had to ask each time you wanted to move your hands elsewhere.