How do I talk to my partner to ask him to make sex pleasurable for me? /u/spacialentitty Sex

I have a newerish partner whom I have been dating since fall,

the relationship is going well in most aspects. Such as communication, mutual care, verbal affection. We have both made an effort to meet one another where we are at. However it is starting to become apparent that my partner isn’t interested in keeping our sex engaging for me. I let him know that I’d like him to initiate which he said he’d do.

However, he will say he want to have sex and touch me near my bum/quickly on my boobs but only briefly. He will kind of squirm around near me and then hesitate and pull away. He also digs his fingers into me around my body (like squeezing a stress ball) but not even in erogenous zones. I have let him know multiple times I am uncomfortable with him digging his fingers into me. I don’t find this squirming (similar to a restless child in one’s arms) to be attractive or symbolic for a desire for sex. I am fearing he isn’t attracted to me/doesn’t care about my pleasure. When we do get to sex, he is barely touching my erogenous zones. Usually I am the one doing the initiating, and it is easy for me, but he is not responding with words or actions to what I do. He gets an erection.

I let him know that I was not finding his way of sex attractive and that I am concerned it would be a compatibility issue. He wants to talk about it. Personally I have never been in a situation where this is the case. My other/ex partners have always been unable to keep their hands off of me…our erotic actions toward one another fueled reciprocity and in turn, passion. I am a really sexually passionate person. I lose interest when my efforts in sex aren’t working in tandem with my partners.

For context I have had dozens of sex partners and am in a non exclusive arrangement. I have some sex partners who I have been with for many years, and even a newer one, and they have never left me feeling this way… I have given specific instructions if I want things done differently, but the sex was still excellent. Their attraction to me was unquestionable and our sex drives similar. We could not keep our hands off each other. I am concerned this newer partner with the issues might not find me attractive. I am accustomed to being worshiped and people being super enthusiastic to give me pleasure.

Anyway, how can I have this conversation with my partner to ensure he is providing me with pleasure anytime we have sex, and give me something to work with? Should I have to repeatedly state everything I want step by step? I am not sure I can stay in this relationship unless it gets better…

I could really use some help making strategy for what I should tell him when we talk and how I can get this sex up to par so it is pleasurable for me. Has anyone else had to do this type of mending?

I have a newerish partner whom I have been dating since fall,

the relationship is going well in most aspects. Such as communication, mutual care, verbal affection. We have both made an effort to meet one another where we are at. However it is starting to become apparent that my partner isn’t interested in keeping our sex engaging for me. I let him know that I’d like him to initiate which he said he’d do.

However, he will say he want to have sex and touch me near my bum/quickly on my boobs but only briefly. He will kind of squirm around near me and then hesitate and pull away. He also digs his fingers into me around my body (like squeezing a stress ball) but not even in erogenous zones. I have let him know multiple times I am uncomfortable with him digging his fingers into me. I don’t find this squirming (similar to a restless child in one’s arms) to be attractive or symbolic for a desire for sex. I am fearing he isn’t attracted to me/doesn’t care about my pleasure. When we do get to sex, he is barely touching my erogenous zones. Usually I am the one doing the initiating, and it is easy for me, but he is not responding with words or actions to what I do. He gets an erection.

I let him know that I was not finding his way of sex attractive and that I am concerned it would be a compatibility issue. He wants to talk about it. Personally I have never been in a situation where this is the case. My other/ex partners have always been unable to keep their hands off of me…our erotic actions toward one another fueled reciprocity and in turn, passion. I am a really sexually passionate person. I lose interest when my efforts in sex aren’t working in tandem with my partners.

For context I have had dozens of sex partners and am in a non exclusive arrangement. I have some sex partners who I have been with for many years, and even a newer one, and they have never left me feeling this way… I have given specific instructions if I want things done differently, but the sex was still excellent. Their attraction to me was unquestionable and our sex drives similar. We could not keep our hands off each other. I am concerned this newer partner with the issues might not find me attractive. I am accustomed to being worshiped and people being super enthusiastic to give me pleasure.

Anyway, how can I have this conversation with my partner to ensure he is providing me with pleasure anytime we have sex, and give me something to work with? Should I have to repeatedly state everything I want step by step? I am not sure I can stay in this relationship unless it gets better…

I could really use some help making strategy for what I should tell him when we talk and how I can get this sex up to par so it is pleasurable for me. Has anyone else had to do this type of mending?