My SO is 28, and I’m 31 – Hey all, the title lacks a lot of context, so I’ll try to inform without making this into a novel. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 2 years now. At the start of the relationship we tried having sex a lot but from the beginning something seemed off, we always seemed to be on different pages and nothing felt natural. It was an extremely difficult time for us to get through, but we loved each other very much and decided to try to fight through it and figure it out over time. It did not get easier in the following months. We would make many attempts, but we continued to be on different pages. I could not seem to satisfy her in any way despite how hard I tried and everything I was willing to do. Out of any woman I have ever been with her clitoris is the absolute most difficult to keep track of in ways I’ve never experienced. My lack of ability to pleasure her eventually upset her, and made her feel resentful since she seemed to be able to pleasure me just fine.
I am extremely comfortable with my sexuality, I have about 15 different kinks and am the kind of person that is willing to try anything. But in my 20’s developed a porn addiction and an unhealthy mindset of sex itself. I’ve never managed to have a healthy sexual relationship with literally any woman I’ve been with, including other long term relationships, so unfortunately I don’t even know what it’s supposed to feel like. I have since worked on my porn addiction.
She is in a similar situation, where she has never been in a healthy sexual relationship before and so also doesn’t know what it feels like. She only has one kink that she refuses to tell me because of her significant level of shame with it. Despite my overall kink friendly attitude (I’m literally okay with most kinks and can play off of most of them as well, I’m also willing to try most anything once) she still doesn’t feel comfortable telling me.
I think in the last two years we have never experienced true intimacy in the bedroom. We ended up getting a sex therapist and with him we learned a lot about ourselves and each other. We had lots of very important conversations, it was overall very helpful. It’s very stressful having a wonderful relationship where the sex isn’t working, we never entered a relationship to have perfect sex, but the lack of any pleasurable sex really scared us into thinking it was the doom of our relationship.
Our therapist says he sees lots of potential in us, but it is difficult to have any level of confidence at this point. I have almost no confidence in my self at this point, seeing her disappointed face every time I tried pleasure her was always like a knife in the heart. I actually entered this relationship telling her I had issues with sex, as I did with many women I dated in my late 20’s.
My girlfriend says she has never seen sex as an opportunity for intimacy or closeness in any way, she grew up extremely religious believing sex was evil, and a carnal act that she would just have to put up with. She admitted that every time we had sex at the start it was always just a performance for her. I personally do see it as an intimate act where two people can be closer than ever. Unfortunately even after our therapy my girlfriends opinions on it haven’t changed. I was hoping someone could give some advice on a self help book that may help her reset her perspective on what sex is really meant to be between two people who love each other.
My girlfriend suffers from depression and serious childhood trauma, along with bad anxiety. I do what I can to be supportive, as she was making no attempts to help her depression before she met me, she has since found a therapist she loves and is on medication, she’s made incredible progress.
Right now it just feels like we are waiting for something to happen. We are both nervous and afraid of failure and our relationship potentially ending. But I still have faith we can do it.
We have decided to schedule Sunday as a day to do stuff together, and then come back, lay with each other, and try to finally be intimate and give it a try. But the fear of failure is powerful, for both of us, for different reasons.
I wonder if anyone could both suggest a book for her to help reframe her perspective on sex or otherwise give us advice. It looks like I failed in not turning this into a novel. Thank you for reading
submitted by /u/SpartanVasilias
[link] [comments]
r/sex My SO is 28, and I’m 31 – Hey all, the title lacks a lot of context, so I’ll try to inform without making this into a novel. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 2 years now. At the start of the relationship we tried having sex a lot but from the beginning something seemed off, we always seemed to be on different pages and nothing felt natural. It was an extremely difficult time for us to get through, but we loved each other very much and decided to try to fight through it and figure it out over time. It did not get easier in the following months. We would make many attempts, but we continued to be on different pages. I could not seem to satisfy her in any way despite how hard I tried and everything I was willing to do. Out of any woman I have ever been with her clitoris is the absolute most difficult to keep track of in ways I’ve never experienced. My lack of ability to pleasure her eventually upset her, and made her feel resentful since she seemed to be able to pleasure me just fine. I am extremely comfortable with my sexuality, I have about 15 different kinks and am the kind of person that is willing to try anything. But in my 20’s developed a porn addiction and an unhealthy mindset of sex itself. I’ve never managed to have a healthy sexual relationship with literally any woman I’ve been with, including other long term relationships, so unfortunately I don’t even know what it’s supposed to feel like. I have since worked on my porn addiction. She is in a similar situation, where she has never been in a healthy sexual relationship before and so also doesn’t know what it feels like. She only has one kink that she refuses to tell me because of her significant level of shame with it. Despite my overall kink friendly attitude (I’m literally okay with most kinks and can play off of most of them as well, I’m also willing to try most anything once) she still doesn’t feel comfortable telling me. I think in the last two years we have never experienced true intimacy in the bedroom. We ended up getting a sex therapist and with him we learned a lot about ourselves and each other. We had lots of very important conversations, it was overall very helpful. It’s very stressful having a wonderful relationship where the sex isn’t working, we never entered a relationship to have perfect sex, but the lack of any pleasurable sex really scared us into thinking it was the doom of our relationship. Our therapist says he sees lots of potential in us, but it is difficult to have any level of confidence at this point. I have almost no confidence in my self at this point, seeing her disappointed face every time I tried pleasure her was always like a knife in the heart. I actually entered this relationship telling her I had issues with sex, as I did with many women I dated in my late 20’s. My girlfriend says she has never seen sex as an opportunity for intimacy or closeness in any way, she grew up extremely religious believing sex was evil, and a carnal act that she would just have to put up with. She admitted that every time we had sex at the start it was always just a performance for her. I personally do see it as an intimate act where two people can be closer than ever. Unfortunately even after our therapy my girlfriends opinions on it haven’t changed. I was hoping someone could give some advice on a self help book that may help her reset her perspective on what sex is really meant to be between two people who love each other. My girlfriend suffers from depression and serious childhood trauma, along with bad anxiety. I do what I can to be supportive, as she was making no attempts to help her depression before she met me, she has since found a therapist she loves and is on medication, she’s made incredible progress. Right now it just feels like we are waiting for something to happen. We are both nervous and afraid of failure and our relationship potentially ending. But I still have faith we can do it. We have decided to schedule Sunday as a day to do stuff together, and then come back, lay with each other, and try to finally be intimate and give it a try. But the fear of failure is powerful, for both of us, for different reasons. I wonder if anyone could both suggest a book for her to help reframe her perspective on sex or otherwise give us advice. It looks like I failed in not turning this into a novel. Thank you for reading submitted by /u/SpartanVasilias [link] [comments]
My SO is 28, and I’m 31 – Hey all, the title lacks a lot of context, so I’ll try to inform without making this into a novel. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 2 years now. At the start of the relationship we tried having sex a lot but from the beginning something seemed off, we always seemed to be on different pages and nothing felt natural. It was an extremely difficult time for us to get through, but we loved each other very much and decided to try to fight through it and figure it out over time. It did not get easier in the following months. We would make many attempts, but we continued to be on different pages. I could not seem to satisfy her in any way despite how hard I tried and everything I was willing to do. Out of any woman I have ever been with her clitoris is the absolute most difficult to keep track of in ways I’ve never experienced. My lack of ability to pleasure her eventually upset her, and made her feel resentful since she seemed to be able to pleasure me just fine.
I am extremely comfortable with my sexuality, I have about 15 different kinks and am the kind of person that is willing to try anything. But in my 20’s developed a porn addiction and an unhealthy mindset of sex itself. I’ve never managed to have a healthy sexual relationship with literally any woman I’ve been with, including other long term relationships, so unfortunately I don’t even know what it’s supposed to feel like. I have since worked on my porn addiction.
She is in a similar situation, where she has never been in a healthy sexual relationship before and so also doesn’t know what it feels like. She only has one kink that she refuses to tell me because of her significant level of shame with it. Despite my overall kink friendly attitude (I’m literally okay with most kinks and can play off of most of them as well, I’m also willing to try most anything once) she still doesn’t feel comfortable telling me.
I think in the last two years we have never experienced true intimacy in the bedroom. We ended up getting a sex therapist and with him we learned a lot about ourselves and each other. We had lots of very important conversations, it was overall very helpful. It’s very stressful having a wonderful relationship where the sex isn’t working, we never entered a relationship to have perfect sex, but the lack of any pleasurable sex really scared us into thinking it was the doom of our relationship.
Our therapist says he sees lots of potential in us, but it is difficult to have any level of confidence at this point. I have almost no confidence in my self at this point, seeing her disappointed face every time I tried pleasure her was always like a knife in the heart. I actually entered this relationship telling her I had issues with sex, as I did with many women I dated in my late 20’s.
My girlfriend says she has never seen sex as an opportunity for intimacy or closeness in any way, she grew up extremely religious believing sex was evil, and a carnal act that she would just have to put up with. She admitted that every time we had sex at the start it was always just a performance for her. I personally do see it as an intimate act where two people can be closer than ever. Unfortunately even after our therapy my girlfriends opinions on it haven’t changed. I was hoping someone could give some advice on a self help book that may help her reset her perspective on what sex is really meant to be between two people who love each other.
My girlfriend suffers from depression and serious childhood trauma, along with bad anxiety. I do what I can to be supportive, as she was making no attempts to help her depression before she met me, she has since found a therapist she loves and is on medication, she’s made incredible progress.
Right now it just feels like we are waiting for something to happen. We are both nervous and afraid of failure and our relationship potentially ending. But I still have faith we can do it.
We have decided to schedule Sunday as a day to do stuff together, and then come back, lay with each other, and try to finally be intimate and give it a try. But the fear of failure is powerful, for both of us, for different reasons.
I wonder if anyone could both suggest a book for her to help reframe her perspective on sex or otherwise give us advice. It looks like I failed in not turning this into a novel. Thank you for reading
submitted by /u/SpartanVasilias
[link] [comments]