Okay, I’ll try to make this make sense, but it’s still something mentally that I am trying to figure out without having shame or guilt.
A bit of background: I grew up in a catholic household, so no porn, no looking at ladies, no ladies over until I was 21 etc etc. Strict rules about sex, is basically what I am getting too.
I have been single for about 2.5 years, my last relationship was 4.5 years, and was a beautiful, fun, exciting relationship (it only ended because she wanted kids, and I didn’t, she thought I’d change my mind, and I thought she’d change hers). We both mutually ended it, stayed friends (yes, it is possible!) and respect each other lots (Not sure why I am telling you this, but I guess context is everything)
Anyways, in my prior relationship, sex was fun. We we’re communicative with what our desires we’re, but sometimes I held back my kinks and desires because I was scared of being judged by her, ridiculed and shamed…
Anyways, she always asked “So, what are your fetishes? What are you into sexually?” and all my previous partners (I’ve only had 5 prior partners) always asked this. One of the kinks that I really REALLY like, is watching lesbian porn, or “soft” porn (Basically like, bikini model videos, very suggestive, but non-nude) while having sex.
I’ve always been this way. My first girlfriend ever triggered/woke it, when she gave me a BJ under a computer desk and asked me to watch porn while she did it. Ever since then, it’s been my favorite thing (threesomes? Nah, Anal? Nah, Sexy videos while doing the nasty? Yes please!) all my previous girlfriends we’re fine with doing it, but I always felt guilty doing it, to the point where I felt gross after, and felt ashamed… it could be because I am focusing on the other women and not them? but I also think it might be childhood trauma? Either way, I felt that way and I can’t change it.
Also, I would typically wait about a year or 2 into the relationship before I even brought this kink up, because I felt so embarrassed…
After my 4.5 year relationship ended, I worked on myself, my mental health and started to go to therapy. I told my therapist that I really enjoyed sex more when I was watching sexy videos with my partner. Therapist says as long as everything is consensual and legal, that there should be no shame in my sexual tastes. Easier said than done!
So fast forward to current time, and I met this new woman, who is very kind, beautiful, fun and caring. I decided to tell her upfront (after we made it clear we wanted to spend more time together and explore sex) my fantasies and tastes in sex, and that I really enjoy watching sexy videos while having sex. She said we could try it out and that she would be open to it.So we tried it, and she was very enthusiastic about it which turned me on so much. I won’t go into details (Sorry folks), but afterwards I asked her how she felt and she said it was good. I dropped her off at home, and I started to feel that guilt again, and that shame.I told her it was fun, and I really appreciated that she allowed me to watch that while we did our thing. I made sure I thanked her a lot, because again, I was feeling guilty. She has never mentioned that it bothered her, and that she was fine with it going forward and doing it again.
Before anyone comes in here and says I have a porn addiction, I don’t think I do. I am fine NOT having the videos playing while having sex and I really don’t watch porn on my own really… I just find it more enjoyable and exciting when its on. I also feel that I may be a better lover for my partner, as I get friskier, and more aggressive (if needed) and am able to perform for longer.
How do I go abouts this without feeling shame when it comes to kinks/fetishes and sex? Am I just a terrible person or?
submitted by /u/Extension-Golf-8396
[link] [comments]
r/sex Okay, I’ll try to make this make sense, but it’s still something mentally that I am trying to figure out without having shame or guilt. A bit of background: I grew up in a catholic household, so no porn, no looking at ladies, no ladies over until I was 21 etc etc. Strict rules about sex, is basically what I am getting too. I have been single for about 2.5 years, my last relationship was 4.5 years, and was a beautiful, fun, exciting relationship (it only ended because she wanted kids, and I didn’t, she thought I’d change my mind, and I thought she’d change hers). We both mutually ended it, stayed friends (yes, it is possible!) and respect each other lots (Not sure why I am telling you this, but I guess context is everything) Anyways, in my prior relationship, sex was fun. We we’re communicative with what our desires we’re, but sometimes I held back my kinks and desires because I was scared of being judged by her, ridiculed and shamed… Anyways, she always asked “So, what are your fetishes? What are you into sexually?” and all my previous partners (I’ve only had 5 prior partners) always asked this. One of the kinks that I really REALLY like, is watching lesbian porn, or “soft” porn (Basically like, bikini model videos, very suggestive, but non-nude) while having sex. I’ve always been this way. My first girlfriend ever triggered/woke it, when she gave me a BJ under a computer desk and asked me to watch porn while she did it. Ever since then, it’s been my favorite thing (threesomes? Nah, Anal? Nah, Sexy videos while doing the nasty? Yes please!) all my previous girlfriends we’re fine with doing it, but I always felt guilty doing it, to the point where I felt gross after, and felt ashamed… it could be because I am focusing on the other women and not them? but I also think it might be childhood trauma? Either way, I felt that way and I can’t change it. Also, I would typically wait about a year or 2 into the relationship before I even brought this kink up, because I felt so embarrassed… After my 4.5 year relationship ended, I worked on myself, my mental health and started to go to therapy. I told my therapist that I really enjoyed sex more when I was watching sexy videos with my partner. Therapist says as long as everything is consensual and legal, that there should be no shame in my sexual tastes. Easier said than done! So fast forward to current time, and I met this new woman, who is very kind, beautiful, fun and caring. I decided to tell her upfront (after we made it clear we wanted to spend more time together and explore sex) my fantasies and tastes in sex, and that I really enjoy watching sexy videos while having sex. She said we could try it out and that she would be open to it.So we tried it, and she was very enthusiastic about it which turned me on so much. I won’t go into details (Sorry folks), but afterwards I asked her how she felt and she said it was good. I dropped her off at home, and I started to feel that guilt again, and that shame.I told her it was fun, and I really appreciated that she allowed me to watch that while we did our thing. I made sure I thanked her a lot, because again, I was feeling guilty. She has never mentioned that it bothered her, and that she was fine with it going forward and doing it again. Before anyone comes in here and says I have a porn addiction, I don’t think I do. I am fine NOT having the videos playing while having sex and I really don’t watch porn on my own really… I just find it more enjoyable and exciting when its on. I also feel that I may be a better lover for my partner, as I get friskier, and more aggressive (if needed) and am able to perform for longer. How do I go abouts this without feeling shame when it comes to kinks/fetishes and sex? Am I just a terrible person or? submitted by /u/Extension-Golf-8396 [link] [comments]
Okay, I’ll try to make this make sense, but it’s still something mentally that I am trying to figure out without having shame or guilt.
A bit of background: I grew up in a catholic household, so no porn, no looking at ladies, no ladies over until I was 21 etc etc. Strict rules about sex, is basically what I am getting too.
I have been single for about 2.5 years, my last relationship was 4.5 years, and was a beautiful, fun, exciting relationship (it only ended because she wanted kids, and I didn’t, she thought I’d change my mind, and I thought she’d change hers). We both mutually ended it, stayed friends (yes, it is possible!) and respect each other lots (Not sure why I am telling you this, but I guess context is everything)
Anyways, in my prior relationship, sex was fun. We we’re communicative with what our desires we’re, but sometimes I held back my kinks and desires because I was scared of being judged by her, ridiculed and shamed…
Anyways, she always asked “So, what are your fetishes? What are you into sexually?” and all my previous partners (I’ve only had 5 prior partners) always asked this. One of the kinks that I really REALLY like, is watching lesbian porn, or “soft” porn (Basically like, bikini model videos, very suggestive, but non-nude) while having sex.
I’ve always been this way. My first girlfriend ever triggered/woke it, when she gave me a BJ under a computer desk and asked me to watch porn while she did it. Ever since then, it’s been my favorite thing (threesomes? Nah, Anal? Nah, Sexy videos while doing the nasty? Yes please!) all my previous girlfriends we’re fine with doing it, but I always felt guilty doing it, to the point where I felt gross after, and felt ashamed… it could be because I am focusing on the other women and not them? but I also think it might be childhood trauma? Either way, I felt that way and I can’t change it.
Also, I would typically wait about a year or 2 into the relationship before I even brought this kink up, because I felt so embarrassed…
After my 4.5 year relationship ended, I worked on myself, my mental health and started to go to therapy. I told my therapist that I really enjoyed sex more when I was watching sexy videos with my partner. Therapist says as long as everything is consensual and legal, that there should be no shame in my sexual tastes. Easier said than done!
So fast forward to current time, and I met this new woman, who is very kind, beautiful, fun and caring. I decided to tell her upfront (after we made it clear we wanted to spend more time together and explore sex) my fantasies and tastes in sex, and that I really enjoy watching sexy videos while having sex. She said we could try it out and that she would be open to it.So we tried it, and she was very enthusiastic about it which turned me on so much. I won’t go into details (Sorry folks), but afterwards I asked her how she felt and she said it was good. I dropped her off at home, and I started to feel that guilt again, and that shame.I told her it was fun, and I really appreciated that she allowed me to watch that while we did our thing. I made sure I thanked her a lot, because again, I was feeling guilty. She has never mentioned that it bothered her, and that she was fine with it going forward and doing it again.
Before anyone comes in here and says I have a porn addiction, I don’t think I do. I am fine NOT having the videos playing while having sex and I really don’t watch porn on my own really… I just find it more enjoyable and exciting when its on. I also feel that I may be a better lover for my partner, as I get friskier, and more aggressive (if needed) and am able to perform for longer.
How do I go abouts this without feeling shame when it comes to kinks/fetishes and sex? Am I just a terrible person or?
submitted by /u/Extension-Golf-8396
[link] [comments]