Is my (26/F) boyfriend (26/M) of 1 year no longer attracted to me? /u/Taylor_4l Sex

Hi, I’m really hoping that some of you could provide me with insight.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1 year. Our sex life was great at first. We had sex multiple times a week, it wasn’t always rushed, and we both cared about each other’s pleasure. This was brand new to me as I’ve never been with someone who cared if I orgasmed.

We recently moved in together. I know that we’re past the honeymoon period, but I am just noticing some patterns that are really making me sad. I’m going to try to lay them out without writing a novel.

Our frequency has dwindled. We have sex once a week and it’s very short (5 minutes). Because of this, I’ve felt disconnected. We have even gone on a couple trips recently and I thought we would be a little more intimate…but nope. We had sex one time on a 4 day vacation in a cozy cabin.

He mostly wants quickies. It got to the point where he would initiate by saying, Want to do a quickie? Even if we had nowhere to be. A quickie consists of him asking me to suck him to get him hard then have sex for about 5 minutes until he cums. I finally had enough one night and cried after sex because I felt used. He felt terrible after I explained how I felt and had since made a bit more of an effort, but nothing like it was.

He rarely if ever goes down on me or touches me as foreplay. The vast majority of times, we kiss, he asks for blowjob, then PIV. Sometimes he asks to 69 but rarely is he solely focused on me.

It’s very hard to turn him on if he’s not naturally horny, if that makes sense. He will initiate sex if he gets a boner, but it’s getting almost impossible to give him one. I can be topless in bed and wiggle against him, no reaction. The other day, we were snowed in and I was feeling brave so I started nuzzling his neck and rubbing his dick. He completely ignored my advances and I felt so embarrassed. Later that night, I told him I felt like he only wants sex when he initiates but never if I do because I know I will get turned down. He got defensive and said he’s just not touchy feely and he shows love in other ways (which he does, to be fair). He also made it clear that he knew I was trying to initiate.

I could be wrong, but it feels like he proactively tries to prevent me from trying to initiate. When we go to bed together, he always says “Man, I’m so tired, I’m just going to knock out.” I know it sounds crazy, but the way he does it every single night seems intentional. Even if we do kiss or start cuddling and making out, he usually just stops and goes to sleep.

We actually had sex a few weeks ago that wasn’t our typical end of the night quickie. I had our body oil on and walked in front of him topless. I actually turned him on enough to have spontaneous sex and was so happy. Afterward, I told him how much I enjoyed it and how I sometimes thought about trying to be spontaneous like that. His answer really shot me down. He said something like “Yeah, it was great…but sometimes I’m just not in the mood…” I feel like that was his way of gently telling me that was a rare occasion and made me too afraid to try to ever be spontaneous or sexy due to rejection. I thought about trying lingerie for Valentine’s Day but decided against it because of my fear.

Maybe this part isn’t a big deal, but we have never been sexy with each other unless we’re having sex. Like…he’s not comfortable with sexting, we have never teased each other over text, he doesn’t ever touch me in a way that makes me know what he wants to do later. There’s no build up. I hope that makes sense.

Does anyone have advice for me? I truly love this guy so I really am hoping not to break up over this, but part of me feels like he’s not sexually attracted to me anymore even if he does love me.

TL;DR: Bf only wants sex when he naturally gets turned on but I’m not able to turn him on and need advice.

Hi, I’m really hoping that some of you could provide me with insight.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1 year. Our sex life was great at first. We had sex multiple times a week, it wasn’t always rushed, and we both cared about each other’s pleasure. This was brand new to me as I’ve never been with someone who cared if I orgasmed.

We recently moved in together. I know that we’re past the honeymoon period, but I am just noticing some patterns that are really making me sad. I’m going to try to lay them out without writing a novel.

Our frequency has dwindled. We have sex once a week and it’s very short (5 minutes). Because of this, I’ve felt disconnected. We have even gone on a couple trips recently and I thought we would be a little more intimate…but nope. We had sex one time on a 4 day vacation in a cozy cabin.

He mostly wants quickies. It got to the point where he would initiate by saying, Want to do a quickie? Even if we had nowhere to be. A quickie consists of him asking me to suck him to get him hard then have sex for about 5 minutes until he cums. I finally had enough one night and cried after sex because I felt used. He felt terrible after I explained how I felt and had since made a bit more of an effort, but nothing like it was.

He rarely if ever goes down on me or touches me as foreplay. The vast majority of times, we kiss, he asks for blowjob, then PIV. Sometimes he asks to 69 but rarely is he solely focused on me.

It’s very hard to turn him on if he’s not naturally horny, if that makes sense. He will initiate sex if he gets a boner, but it’s getting almost impossible to give him one. I can be topless in bed and wiggle against him, no reaction. The other day, we were snowed in and I was feeling brave so I started nuzzling his neck and rubbing his dick. He completely ignored my advances and I felt so embarrassed. Later that night, I told him I felt like he only wants sex when he initiates but never if I do because I know I will get turned down. He got defensive and said he’s just not touchy feely and he shows love in other ways (which he does, to be fair). He also made it clear that he knew I was trying to initiate.

I could be wrong, but it feels like he proactively tries to prevent me from trying to initiate. When we go to bed together, he always says “Man, I’m so tired, I’m just going to knock out.” I know it sounds crazy, but the way he does it every single night seems intentional. Even if we do kiss or start cuddling and making out, he usually just stops and goes to sleep.

We actually had sex a few weeks ago that wasn’t our typical end of the night quickie. I had our body oil on and walked in front of him topless. I actually turned him on enough to have spontaneous sex and was so happy. Afterward, I told him how much I enjoyed it and how I sometimes thought about trying to be spontaneous like that. His answer really shot me down. He said something like “Yeah, it was great…but sometimes I’m just not in the mood…” I feel like that was his way of gently telling me that was a rare occasion and made me too afraid to try to ever be spontaneous or sexy due to rejection. I thought about trying lingerie for Valentine’s Day but decided against it because of my fear.

Maybe this part isn’t a big deal, but we have never been sexy with each other unless we’re having sex. Like…he’s not comfortable with sexting, we have never teased each other over text, he doesn’t ever touch me in a way that makes me know what he wants to do later. There’s no build up. I hope that makes sense.

Does anyone have advice for me? I truly love this guy so I really am hoping not to break up over this, but part of me feels like he’s not sexually attracted to me anymore even if he does love me.

TL;DR: Bf only wants sex when he naturally gets turned on but I’m not able to turn him on and need advice.