What things do you think make someone ‘ready’ for sex? /u/SpecialInvention Sex

This is a question I contemplate a lot. I (43m) was a late bloomer, and by the time I got to things, I felt like sex was just sex, in that the physical act wasn’t essentially tied to something deeper or emotionally vulnerable, or at least nothing more vulnerable than had been affected by non-sexual things far more harmfully. As I finally got to exploring things, my revealed attitude and reaction was along the lines of “well, that was interesting”, and it seems clear I would have been more than fine engaging in sex years earlier (in fact, it might have saved me a lot of anxiety and despair).

As someone who now interacts in the Kink and BDSM communities, I meet a lot of people who share a relaxed attitude to sex. Many approach the community because they are curious, even eager, to try stuff, and they’re fine doing it. Indeed, my perspective on age gaps has changed since I started getting involved in Kink, and I’ve done sexual things with people 20 years younger, and nearly 20 years older in the time I’ve been involved.

My experience has suggested to me that it’s perhaps all very individual. There are 21-year-olds who have been doing gang bangs since they sought them out when they turned legal, and where it’s fairly laughable to suggest they are vulnerable innocents I might take advantage of, or who would be emotionally damaged by sex with me. I’ve also met women in their 30’s who did seem inexperienced and more vulnerable. And there’s everyone in between.

Thankfully, I’ve never interacted sexually with anyone in a way they were not ready for, and not wanting that to happen is part of what makes me question exactly what it is that makes someone ‘ready’. What is it about the situation, or the dynamic, or their degree of emotional vulnerability, or the way they’re approaching it, or what the other person does, that makes sex a negative experience for someone that affects them deeply?

I’m curious to hear thought on this, particularly from women, and from people who have had negative or scarring experiences that were technically consensual, and are willing to talk about it. Thanks.

This is a question I contemplate a lot. I (43m) was a late bloomer, and by the time I got to things, I felt like sex was just sex, in that the physical act wasn’t essentially tied to something deeper or emotionally vulnerable, or at least nothing more vulnerable than had been affected by non-sexual things far more harmfully. As I finally got to exploring things, my revealed attitude and reaction was along the lines of “well, that was interesting”, and it seems clear I would have been more than fine engaging in sex years earlier (in fact, it might have saved me a lot of anxiety and despair).

As someone who now interacts in the Kink and BDSM communities, I meet a lot of people who share a relaxed attitude to sex. Many approach the community because they are curious, even eager, to try stuff, and they’re fine doing it. Indeed, my perspective on age gaps has changed since I started getting involved in Kink, and I’ve done sexual things with people 20 years younger, and nearly 20 years older in the time I’ve been involved.

My experience has suggested to me that it’s perhaps all very individual. There are 21-year-olds who have been doing gang bangs since they sought them out when they turned legal, and where it’s fairly laughable to suggest they are vulnerable innocents I might take advantage of, or who would be emotionally damaged by sex with me. I’ve also met women in their 30’s who did seem inexperienced and more vulnerable. And there’s everyone in between.

Thankfully, I’ve never interacted sexually with anyone in a way they were not ready for, and not wanting that to happen is part of what makes me question exactly what it is that makes someone ‘ready’. What is it about the situation, or the dynamic, or their degree of emotional vulnerability, or the way they’re approaching it, or what the other person does, that makes sex a negative experience for someone that affects them deeply?

I’m curious to hear thought on this, particularly from women, and from people who have had negative or scarring experiences that were technically consensual, and are willing to talk about it. Thanks.