Bought a dildo behind my boyfriend’s back /u/throwaway8372173 Sex

I owned 2 dildos prior to dating my current boyfriend, however, he was jealous/intimidated by me owning them. We had a bit of argument about it before I just threw the collection away. That was a couple months ago. Our sex life hasn’t been the best recently and normally he cums within 10 minutes before I was able to enjoy much, and proceeds to move on and do other things. Although I wasn’t satisfied, I was also no longer in the mood to try and finish myself. On the days I do cum, I had to rely on a vibrator (I can cum solely from penetration when I’m using a dildo) and that didn’t feel very satisfying, it felt more like doing a chore during the process rather than enjoying the actual act. Earlier today, I impulsively bought another dildo behind his back. On one hand, I want to enjoy experiencing the pleasure again on my own, but I also felt guilty knowing he would be upset if he ever found out. In the past, I’ve tried many times to convince him to focus on my either by giving me a head or hand job, but I never get much pleasure due to his lack of technique. Eventually I just felt like a burden because nothing worked out, so I gave up on that. Sorry if everything’s a bit messy. I know we need to work on our sex life but I don’t know where to start. What should I do about the newly bought dildo? Should I keep it as a guilty pleasure or return it?

I owned 2 dildos prior to dating my current boyfriend, however, he was jealous/intimidated by me owning them. We had a bit of argument about it before I just threw the collection away. That was a couple months ago. Our sex life hasn’t been the best recently and normally he cums within 10 minutes before I was able to enjoy much, and proceeds to move on and do other things. Although I wasn’t satisfied, I was also no longer in the mood to try and finish myself. On the days I do cum, I had to rely on a vibrator (I can cum solely from penetration when I’m using a dildo) and that didn’t feel very satisfying, it felt more like doing a chore during the process rather than enjoying the actual act. Earlier today, I impulsively bought another dildo behind his back. On one hand, I want to enjoy experiencing the pleasure again on my own, but I also felt guilty knowing he would be upset if he ever found out. In the past, I’ve tried many times to convince him to focus on my either by giving me a head or hand job, but I never get much pleasure due to his lack of technique. Eventually I just felt like a burden because nothing worked out, so I gave up on that. Sorry if everything’s a bit messy. I know we need to work on our sex life but I don’t know where to start. What should I do about the newly bought dildo? Should I keep it as a guilty pleasure or return it?