I’m here to get an outside perspective on a situation I experienced because I feel lost and don’t know if I’m downplaying what happened or if my friends are overreacting.
F24 Two and a half months ago, I lost my virginity to a guy. Despite the many warnings from my friends, I stayed, maybe because he was my “first,” even though I didn’t love him. I couldn’t move on to someone else, even though deep down, I knew this relationship wasn’t healthy and that I deserved better.
The night I lost my virginity, he abandoned me right afterward to go smoke weed with his neighbor. After that, we would see each other once or twice a week, but he never cared about my pleasure. In two and a half months, he didn’t make me come even once. As soon as he was done, he’d move on, and if I told him it wasn’t okay, he’d blame me, saying, “It’s your fault you can’t finish. I have experience (30 body count), and you don’t, so it’s your problem.”
Little by little, his behavior started to disgust me. He would often hurt me during sex, and if I wasn’t in the mood, he’d insist that I drink wine to “relax.” I also found out that he was having unprotected sex with other people without telling me and refused to get tested. Whenever I suggested trying new things (since all this was new to me, and I was curious), he’d make me feel guilty or dismiss me entirely. He never wanted to give me oral, but I was expected to give him a blowjob every time. Everything revolved around him.
After two months, I’d had enough. I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore and that I’d come to pick up my things. When I went to his place, he tried to kiss me multiple times, even though I told him “no” several times. He eventually forced me to kiss him, and I left with a bruise on my lip.
The next day, he told me I had “forgotten” something at his place. I went back to get the rest of my things, and he was being oddly sweet, much more than usual. I decided to stay a little longer because, even though our relationship was toxic and purely physical, it felt strange that it was over.
At one point, he started kissing me, and we ended up in his bedroom. While we were kissing, I told him to “stop” and that I didn’t want to anymore. Despite that, he undressed me and penetrated me. The pain was so intense that I started screaming, but he kept going until he was finished. Afterward, I felt dirty and used.
When I told my friends about this, they said it was rape. But I’m unsure because I was there voluntarily, and even though I said no, I remember wanting him at one point. I don’t know if they’re saying this because they hate him and want to defend me, but I can’t seem to grasp the gravity of what happened. Was it really rape?
Since then, I’ve been completely disgusted by sex, even though I know I deserved what happened to me. Sex, for me, is nothing like what I thought it would be. I thought it would be a pleasurable experience where you could explore things together, but all I’ve experienced is pain, frustration, and a deep feeling of being unwanted. Is this what sex is? Or did I just have unrealistic expectations?
submitted by /u/Amrint
[link] [comments]
r/sex I’m here to get an outside perspective on a situation I experienced because I feel lost and don’t know if I’m downplaying what happened or if my friends are overreacting. F24 Two and a half months ago, I lost my virginity to a guy. Despite the many warnings from my friends, I stayed, maybe because he was my “first,” even though I didn’t love him. I couldn’t move on to someone else, even though deep down, I knew this relationship wasn’t healthy and that I deserved better. The night I lost my virginity, he abandoned me right afterward to go smoke weed with his neighbor. After that, we would see each other once or twice a week, but he never cared about my pleasure. In two and a half months, he didn’t make me come even once. As soon as he was done, he’d move on, and if I told him it wasn’t okay, he’d blame me, saying, “It’s your fault you can’t finish. I have experience (30 body count), and you don’t, so it’s your problem.” Little by little, his behavior started to disgust me. He would often hurt me during sex, and if I wasn’t in the mood, he’d insist that I drink wine to “relax.” I also found out that he was having unprotected sex with other people without telling me and refused to get tested. Whenever I suggested trying new things (since all this was new to me, and I was curious), he’d make me feel guilty or dismiss me entirely. He never wanted to give me oral, but I was expected to give him a blowjob every time. Everything revolved around him. After two months, I’d had enough. I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore and that I’d come to pick up my things. When I went to his place, he tried to kiss me multiple times, even though I told him “no” several times. He eventually forced me to kiss him, and I left with a bruise on my lip. The next day, he told me I had “forgotten” something at his place. I went back to get the rest of my things, and he was being oddly sweet, much more than usual. I decided to stay a little longer because, even though our relationship was toxic and purely physical, it felt strange that it was over. At one point, he started kissing me, and we ended up in his bedroom. While we were kissing, I told him to “stop” and that I didn’t want to anymore. Despite that, he undressed me and penetrated me. The pain was so intense that I started screaming, but he kept going until he was finished. Afterward, I felt dirty and used. When I told my friends about this, they said it was rape. But I’m unsure because I was there voluntarily, and even though I said no, I remember wanting him at one point. I don’t know if they’re saying this because they hate him and want to defend me, but I can’t seem to grasp the gravity of what happened. Was it really rape? Since then, I’ve been completely disgusted by sex, even though I know I deserved what happened to me. Sex, for me, is nothing like what I thought it would be. I thought it would be a pleasurable experience where you could explore things together, but all I’ve experienced is pain, frustration, and a deep feeling of being unwanted. Is this what sex is? Or did I just have unrealistic expectations? submitted by /u/Amrint [link] [comments]
I’m here to get an outside perspective on a situation I experienced because I feel lost and don’t know if I’m downplaying what happened or if my friends are overreacting.
F24 Two and a half months ago, I lost my virginity to a guy. Despite the many warnings from my friends, I stayed, maybe because he was my “first,” even though I didn’t love him. I couldn’t move on to someone else, even though deep down, I knew this relationship wasn’t healthy and that I deserved better.
The night I lost my virginity, he abandoned me right afterward to go smoke weed with his neighbor. After that, we would see each other once or twice a week, but he never cared about my pleasure. In two and a half months, he didn’t make me come even once. As soon as he was done, he’d move on, and if I told him it wasn’t okay, he’d blame me, saying, “It’s your fault you can’t finish. I have experience (30 body count), and you don’t, so it’s your problem.”
Little by little, his behavior started to disgust me. He would often hurt me during sex, and if I wasn’t in the mood, he’d insist that I drink wine to “relax.” I also found out that he was having unprotected sex with other people without telling me and refused to get tested. Whenever I suggested trying new things (since all this was new to me, and I was curious), he’d make me feel guilty or dismiss me entirely. He never wanted to give me oral, but I was expected to give him a blowjob every time. Everything revolved around him.
After two months, I’d had enough. I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore and that I’d come to pick up my things. When I went to his place, he tried to kiss me multiple times, even though I told him “no” several times. He eventually forced me to kiss him, and I left with a bruise on my lip.
The next day, he told me I had “forgotten” something at his place. I went back to get the rest of my things, and he was being oddly sweet, much more than usual. I decided to stay a little longer because, even though our relationship was toxic and purely physical, it felt strange that it was over.
At one point, he started kissing me, and we ended up in his bedroom. While we were kissing, I told him to “stop” and that I didn’t want to anymore. Despite that, he undressed me and penetrated me. The pain was so intense that I started screaming, but he kept going until he was finished. Afterward, I felt dirty and used.
When I told my friends about this, they said it was rape. But I’m unsure because I was there voluntarily, and even though I said no, I remember wanting him at one point. I don’t know if they’re saying this because they hate him and want to defend me, but I can’t seem to grasp the gravity of what happened. Was it really rape?
Since then, I’ve been completely disgusted by sex, even though I know I deserved what happened to me. Sex, for me, is nothing like what I thought it would be. I thought it would be a pleasurable experience where you could explore things together, but all I’ve experienced is pain, frustration, and a deep feeling of being unwanted. Is this what sex is? Or did I just have unrealistic expectations?
submitted by /u/Amrint
[link] [comments]