I’m finding myself re-creating childhood trauma in the form of sexual activities. Im worried im using sex to heal my past trauma. Could this be potentially damaging? /u/Resident_Half3081 Sex

I’m a 21 year old man, as a child I was abused by my parents, called a f*g daily, teased, made fun of, hurt, hit, called names, publicly shamed ect

I’ve found a partner who’s a more dominant woman who I absolutely adore who has accepted me for all my unusual kinks and fetishes. Ive always really enjoyed sex and I’ve found myself asking her to humiliate, degrade and tease me during sex, I’ve asked her to call me a “f*g” as part of sexual pleasure too.. The things I’m asking her to do are really degrading and damaging to myself.. which for some reason I enjoy.. At the same time I’ve also been asking her to do “mommy” type of things during this time.. holding me close to her chest, making me feel loved ect. My mother was a very skinny woman and every woman that has ever cared for me and shown me affection has been a larger plus sized woman.. teachers, family friends ect .. Which is now what I am attracted to as an adult. My partner has put on a lot of weight since I met her and I’ve been implementing that into our sex life with things involving her weight too. I’m not sure if that’s related to my childhood but I can’t help but feel it is too.

I’m worried my wires are getting crossed and I’m using sex to heal my childhood trauma somehow. I feel like I’m using something I really enjoy which is sex to heal a part of me that never got healed. I definitely enjoy the things we have been doing together and regularly enjoy these things when masturbating alone watching pornography which I also watch quite a lot. But I’m worried it’s damaging and confusing me in the process. I was wondering what others thought on it, how can I overcome this? Is it really damaging? Could it potentially damage me even more?

I’m a 21 year old man, as a child I was abused by my parents, called a f*g daily, teased, made fun of, hurt, hit, called names, publicly shamed ect

I’ve found a partner who’s a more dominant woman who I absolutely adore who has accepted me for all my unusual kinks and fetishes. Ive always really enjoyed sex and I’ve found myself asking her to humiliate, degrade and tease me during sex, I’ve asked her to call me a “f*g” as part of sexual pleasure too.. The things I’m asking her to do are really degrading and damaging to myself.. which for some reason I enjoy.. At the same time I’ve also been asking her to do “mommy” type of things during this time.. holding me close to her chest, making me feel loved ect. My mother was a very skinny woman and every woman that has ever cared for me and shown me affection has been a larger plus sized woman.. teachers, family friends ect .. Which is now what I am attracted to as an adult. My partner has put on a lot of weight since I met her and I’ve been implementing that into our sex life with things involving her weight too. I’m not sure if that’s related to my childhood but I can’t help but feel it is too.

I’m worried my wires are getting crossed and I’m using sex to heal my childhood trauma somehow. I feel like I’m using something I really enjoy which is sex to heal a part of me that never got healed. I definitely enjoy the things we have been doing together and regularly enjoy these things when masturbating alone watching pornography which I also watch quite a lot. But I’m worried it’s damaging and confusing me in the process. I was wondering what others thought on it, how can I overcome this? Is it really damaging? Could it potentially damage me even more?