Hi all,
To preface, my girlfriend and I have been together for a year and 8 months and live together (moved in at a year). We’re currently seeing a couples therapist (as it’s very cheap so why not) and something from the last session kind of confirmed something.
I’ve known that she’s weird about sex from the get-go, albeit there’s no discernable reason. She’s a very confident person, in her body, her smarts, socially, etc, and isn’t religious although was raised religious and has since quit religion altogether (I’m atheist and have never been religious).
So I’ll get into it, what’s weird? We’ll a couple things,
1) not really weird, as if completely understand and support it, but in the session she said when she lost her virginity it was finally late, around 20, and didn’t tell the guy she was a virgin as a bodily autonomy thing/it’s not something that a guy can take from me type thing. Feminist approach, I support it. The thing is, it leads into other ideas that I find weird. I.e
2) being romantic during sex she considers a facade and “performing” for your partner. This supposedly makes her feel weird and it’s not something she’s willing to go along with. Although she didn’t say it, I think it has to do with seeing it as degrading to perform for your partner and therefore it’s off limits. I’m fairly confident she feels this way as I know for a fact she feels this way about other things I.e.
3) she’s stated that she will never give eye contact while giving head as she sees it as degrading and very “Get on your knees”. Alongside this, giving head at all, outside of foreplay where I initiate her giving head, is off the table, and so are hand jobs. She’s entirely fine recieving head.
4) Sex is essentially just like another activity that you do and doesn’t make her feel closer than say, doing a hobby with me. She has a very “sex doesn’t need to mean anything” attitude towards sex and hookups and such.
Before anyone asks or insinuates, I am 1000% sure she is not cheating and that this is a result of that. No need to go down that hole.
But I am confused and looking for preliminary suggestions or advice on things I can do before our next therapy session and perhaps try to understand it before then.
As she’s not really a shameful person, I don’t get these weird attitudes towards sex. If it’s from a feminist perspective of – you shouldn’t work to please a man, which seems to at least be part of it, how do you even reason with that? I already put more effort into the relationship than her, into pleasing her in bed, I’m never whiny about not having more sex.
I don’t know, I’ll give more details on any specific aspect if more clarification is needed.
What do I do? What could be causing her to feel this way?
Cheers
submitted by /u/SecularSandals
[link] [comments]
r/sex Hi all, To preface, my girlfriend and I have been together for a year and 8 months and live together (moved in at a year). We’re currently seeing a couples therapist (as it’s very cheap so why not) and something from the last session kind of confirmed something. I’ve known that she’s weird about sex from the get-go, albeit there’s no discernable reason. She’s a very confident person, in her body, her smarts, socially, etc, and isn’t religious although was raised religious and has since quit religion altogether (I’m atheist and have never been religious). So I’ll get into it, what’s weird? We’ll a couple things, 1) not really weird, as if completely understand and support it, but in the session she said when she lost her virginity it was finally late, around 20, and didn’t tell the guy she was a virgin as a bodily autonomy thing/it’s not something that a guy can take from me type thing. Feminist approach, I support it. The thing is, it leads into other ideas that I find weird. I.e 2) being romantic during sex she considers a facade and “performing” for your partner. This supposedly makes her feel weird and it’s not something she’s willing to go along with. Although she didn’t say it, I think it has to do with seeing it as degrading to perform for your partner and therefore it’s off limits. I’m fairly confident she feels this way as I know for a fact she feels this way about other things I.e. 3) she’s stated that she will never give eye contact while giving head as she sees it as degrading and very “Get on your knees”. Alongside this, giving head at all, outside of foreplay where I initiate her giving head, is off the table, and so are hand jobs. She’s entirely fine recieving head. 4) Sex is essentially just like another activity that you do and doesn’t make her feel closer than say, doing a hobby with me. She has a very “sex doesn’t need to mean anything” attitude towards sex and hookups and such. Before anyone asks or insinuates, I am 1000% sure she is not cheating and that this is a result of that. No need to go down that hole. But I am confused and looking for preliminary suggestions or advice on things I can do before our next therapy session and perhaps try to understand it before then. As she’s not really a shameful person, I don’t get these weird attitudes towards sex. If it’s from a feminist perspective of – you shouldn’t work to please a man, which seems to at least be part of it, how do you even reason with that? I already put more effort into the relationship than her, into pleasing her in bed, I’m never whiny about not having more sex. I don’t know, I’ll give more details on any specific aspect if more clarification is needed. What do I do? What could be causing her to feel this way? Cheers submitted by /u/SecularSandals [link] [comments]
Hi all,
To preface, my girlfriend and I have been together for a year and 8 months and live together (moved in at a year). We’re currently seeing a couples therapist (as it’s very cheap so why not) and something from the last session kind of confirmed something.
I’ve known that she’s weird about sex from the get-go, albeit there’s no discernable reason. She’s a very confident person, in her body, her smarts, socially, etc, and isn’t religious although was raised religious and has since quit religion altogether (I’m atheist and have never been religious).
So I’ll get into it, what’s weird? We’ll a couple things,
1) not really weird, as if completely understand and support it, but in the session she said when she lost her virginity it was finally late, around 20, and didn’t tell the guy she was a virgin as a bodily autonomy thing/it’s not something that a guy can take from me type thing. Feminist approach, I support it. The thing is, it leads into other ideas that I find weird. I.e
2) being romantic during sex she considers a facade and “performing” for your partner. This supposedly makes her feel weird and it’s not something she’s willing to go along with. Although she didn’t say it, I think it has to do with seeing it as degrading to perform for your partner and therefore it’s off limits. I’m fairly confident she feels this way as I know for a fact she feels this way about other things I.e.
3) she’s stated that she will never give eye contact while giving head as she sees it as degrading and very “Get on your knees”. Alongside this, giving head at all, outside of foreplay where I initiate her giving head, is off the table, and so are hand jobs. She’s entirely fine recieving head.
4) Sex is essentially just like another activity that you do and doesn’t make her feel closer than say, doing a hobby with me. She has a very “sex doesn’t need to mean anything” attitude towards sex and hookups and such.
Before anyone asks or insinuates, I am 1000% sure she is not cheating and that this is a result of that. No need to go down that hole.
But I am confused and looking for preliminary suggestions or advice on things I can do before our next therapy session and perhaps try to understand it before then.
As she’s not really a shameful person, I don’t get these weird attitudes towards sex. If it’s from a feminist perspective of – you shouldn’t work to please a man, which seems to at least be part of it, how do you even reason with that? I already put more effort into the relationship than her, into pleasing her in bed, I’m never whiny about not having more sex.
I don’t know, I’ll give more details on any specific aspect if more clarification is needed.
What do I do? What could be causing her to feel this way?
Cheers
submitted by /u/SecularSandals
[link] [comments]