Been together 10 years.
My partner has self esteem and body dysmorphia issues. She was forced to wear dresses for church and was molested and leered at by older men in the congregation giving her trauma about wearing womens clothes. She has talked a lot about hating having a girls body. And has given a myriad of conflicting signals that I’m having difficulty squaring with our sex life.
One of her favorite things to do is put her boobs in my face. Its her “subtle” way of signaling she wants to fuck, but also sometimes she does it just because she thinks its fun. After moving in together what seemed like a dream has ended up just being confusing. I ask if she’s down to clown and she laughs and says haha no my junk is feeling weird I just wanted to rub boobies in your face. Which is nice but like, my penis is so so confused.
She knows i love her unconditionally. After this long, renting together, raising cats together, buying a house together you’d think that’s not a question and yet she says and does things that have been giving my boner whiplash for the last few years and is not getting better.
Things like: Always negging herself about her body/weight. Attempting to wear “girly” clothes only to backpedal into concealing attire before going out. Apologizing for her boobs being too small. Publicly complaining about having big boobs???
We were just at an event and she was feeling anxious as hell around a lot of people and mentioned not once not twice but three times to our friends that she hates having boobs. When we went back to the hotel room she mounts me and shoves them in my face expecting immediate horniness.
Meanwhile i feel like I have been made sexually inert most of the time because of this. I feel bad for her. I listen to her judging herself and hating on her body and my thought isnt wow lets fuck, its hey buddy do you want to talk with me or a therapist about this?
I respect and love her unconditionally. I listen when she says and does all of this and try to give her adequate space when it feels like she’s struggling. When she asks my opinion I tell her i love her and support whatever she wants to do in regard to her body. She’s asked if she should get implants, if I’d mind if she got a reduction, etc. I am losing my mind.
its creating a negative feedback loop where she has low self esteem, i reaffirm her which she ignores, i give her space and time, and then finally when she’s in the mood the I never feel prepared for intimacy because she is completely inconsistent about herself. It doesn’t feel like we’re sexual partners anymore. More like two sexual shooting stars that occasionally enter eachothers orbit.
I have trouble getting horny at all when she says she hates her boobs then shoves them in my face the next minute. Like dude I love you but jesus christ help me help you. I don’t know where to begin communicating this with her.
Communication is key in all aspects of our life but for some reason these body issues never get the message.
Weirdly when I faux act like a jerk, she gets sexually confident. Being an abusive asshole riles her up??? She likes being choked and smashed. Enough of that and she tries extra to do things to sexually excite me and it helps. Only to have her go back to the self hatred the next day and we’re back to square one.
I just, does anyone have experience like this and have advice?
submitted by /u/sorrybadguy
[link] [comments]
r/sex Been together 10 years. My partner has self esteem and body dysmorphia issues. She was forced to wear dresses for church and was molested and leered at by older men in the congregation giving her trauma about wearing womens clothes. She has talked a lot about hating having a girls body. And has given a myriad of conflicting signals that I’m having difficulty squaring with our sex life. One of her favorite things to do is put her boobs in my face. Its her “subtle” way of signaling she wants to fuck, but also sometimes she does it just because she thinks its fun. After moving in together what seemed like a dream has ended up just being confusing. I ask if she’s down to clown and she laughs and says haha no my junk is feeling weird I just wanted to rub boobies in your face. Which is nice but like, my penis is so so confused. She knows i love her unconditionally. After this long, renting together, raising cats together, buying a house together you’d think that’s not a question and yet she says and does things that have been giving my boner whiplash for the last few years and is not getting better. Things like: Always negging herself about her body/weight. Attempting to wear “girly” clothes only to backpedal into concealing attire before going out. Apologizing for her boobs being too small. Publicly complaining about having big boobs??? We were just at an event and she was feeling anxious as hell around a lot of people and mentioned not once not twice but three times to our friends that she hates having boobs. When we went back to the hotel room she mounts me and shoves them in my face expecting immediate horniness. Meanwhile i feel like I have been made sexually inert most of the time because of this. I feel bad for her. I listen to her judging herself and hating on her body and my thought isnt wow lets fuck, its hey buddy do you want to talk with me or a therapist about this? I respect and love her unconditionally. I listen when she says and does all of this and try to give her adequate space when it feels like she’s struggling. When she asks my opinion I tell her i love her and support whatever she wants to do in regard to her body. She’s asked if she should get implants, if I’d mind if she got a reduction, etc. I am losing my mind. its creating a negative feedback loop where she has low self esteem, i reaffirm her which she ignores, i give her space and time, and then finally when she’s in the mood the I never feel prepared for intimacy because she is completely inconsistent about herself. It doesn’t feel like we’re sexual partners anymore. More like two sexual shooting stars that occasionally enter eachothers orbit. I have trouble getting horny at all when she says she hates her boobs then shoves them in my face the next minute. Like dude I love you but jesus christ help me help you. I don’t know where to begin communicating this with her. Communication is key in all aspects of our life but for some reason these body issues never get the message. Weirdly when I faux act like a jerk, she gets sexually confident. Being an abusive asshole riles her up??? She likes being choked and smashed. Enough of that and she tries extra to do things to sexually excite me and it helps. Only to have her go back to the self hatred the next day and we’re back to square one. I just, does anyone have experience like this and have advice? submitted by /u/sorrybadguy [link] [comments]
Been together 10 years.
My partner has self esteem and body dysmorphia issues. She was forced to wear dresses for church and was molested and leered at by older men in the congregation giving her trauma about wearing womens clothes. She has talked a lot about hating having a girls body. And has given a myriad of conflicting signals that I’m having difficulty squaring with our sex life.
One of her favorite things to do is put her boobs in my face. Its her “subtle” way of signaling she wants to fuck, but also sometimes she does it just because she thinks its fun. After moving in together what seemed like a dream has ended up just being confusing. I ask if she’s down to clown and she laughs and says haha no my junk is feeling weird I just wanted to rub boobies in your face. Which is nice but like, my penis is so so confused.
She knows i love her unconditionally. After this long, renting together, raising cats together, buying a house together you’d think that’s not a question and yet she says and does things that have been giving my boner whiplash for the last few years and is not getting better.
Things like: Always negging herself about her body/weight. Attempting to wear “girly” clothes only to backpedal into concealing attire before going out. Apologizing for her boobs being too small. Publicly complaining about having big boobs???
We were just at an event and she was feeling anxious as hell around a lot of people and mentioned not once not twice but three times to our friends that she hates having boobs. When we went back to the hotel room she mounts me and shoves them in my face expecting immediate horniness.
Meanwhile i feel like I have been made sexually inert most of the time because of this. I feel bad for her. I listen to her judging herself and hating on her body and my thought isnt wow lets fuck, its hey buddy do you want to talk with me or a therapist about this?
I respect and love her unconditionally. I listen when she says and does all of this and try to give her adequate space when it feels like she’s struggling. When she asks my opinion I tell her i love her and support whatever she wants to do in regard to her body. She’s asked if she should get implants, if I’d mind if she got a reduction, etc. I am losing my mind.
its creating a negative feedback loop where she has low self esteem, i reaffirm her which she ignores, i give her space and time, and then finally when she’s in the mood the I never feel prepared for intimacy because she is completely inconsistent about herself. It doesn’t feel like we’re sexual partners anymore. More like two sexual shooting stars that occasionally enter eachothers orbit.
I have trouble getting horny at all when she says she hates her boobs then shoves them in my face the next minute. Like dude I love you but jesus christ help me help you. I don’t know where to begin communicating this with her.
Communication is key in all aspects of our life but for some reason these body issues never get the message.
Weirdly when I faux act like a jerk, she gets sexually confident. Being an abusive asshole riles her up??? She likes being choked and smashed. Enough of that and she tries extra to do things to sexually excite me and it helps. Only to have her go back to the self hatred the next day and we’re back to square one.
I just, does anyone have experience like this and have advice?
submitted by /u/sorrybadguy
[link] [comments]