My sexuality and the way I view men is so messed up and weird, my fantasies are so childlike /u/Which-Choice-6412 Sex

I am 18F with a boyfriend, 19, and I don’t like being penetrated. In fact I hate it. It makes me feel disgusting and it feels degrading to do and I don’t like having a hole that things can go inside. I also don’t have any feeling there anyways or in my clit. I have never masturbated, I don’t get sexual thoughts, I rarely ever feel arousal, I’ve only had an orgasm once or twice in my life. I could happily go my whole life without anything sexual.

My boyfriend has a lot of fetishes for being degraded and dominated , pegged, that sort of thing. I don’t mind doing it at all but for me it’s just an activity to do. I couldn’t orgasm from it or get anything out of it myself. I don’t not enjoy it but it’s just something to do, I’m acting. Trying to think of hot things to say in the moment is what I find difficult because it just doesn’t come to me.

I love him and I am attracted to him but I want to cuddle him and take care of him more than anything. I love cuddling him, I think about it every night before bed. I fantasise about it like he fantasises about sex.

I have a few things that I consider my fetishes because I do feel some things off them, I like thinking about them, but again it’s like an activity that I would want to do.

I want to see him wet himself. I want to nurse him like a baby and hear him lisp and baby talk as we cuddle. I want to bottle feed him warm milk and make sure he’s safe. I want to dress him up in ridiculous outfits like a porcelain dolly and put his frilly socks on and his Mary Jane shoes. I want to put him in diapers that I can lay my head on. I want to pose him and just look at him. I want him to paw at me and woof at me like a puppy. I want to see him cuddle his teddy bear. I want him to be immobile, a toy that I can play with and hold. I want to see him in his old school uniform. I like putting him in a chastity cage, not because I find it arousing but because I find it oddly comforting. I like touching the plastic through his trousers, knowing he can’t do anything, just like a precious doll that’s only to be cuddled with. I want him to cry and come to me for cuddles. I want him to call me mummy all the time.

I once bought him one of those adult pacifiers and he sucked it as we cuddled. I don’t think he liked it and I haven’t spoken about it since. It hides in a backpack under my bed. I feel horrible and gross about it now but I can’t forget how much I loved it. He also used to suckle my breasts before I got them pierced. I know it was just something he did for me. I had one of my only orgasms from it alone. It was from the noise of him suckling, he sounded like a baby.

I feel the same way about men as when I look at a cute plush toy. I just want to hug them and dress them up and play with them. Something in my head isn’t right, like the wires are mixed up.

I’ve imagined men I’ve liked as cute green aliens, crash landing in my garden to be rescued and snuggled warm. I’ve imagined men as the size of my hand, kept as pets in hamster cages, sleeping on piles of cotton.

I can’t just be into any man either. I have to learn everything about them, know them for a while, I’ve never just seen some random man on television or the street and had instant daydreams about sex with him. Porn does nothing for me. I used to read stories on ao3 and talk with chatbots, making up elaborate stories in my head. But once I love somebody I’m obsessed with them.

My ‘sexuality’ is like a child with a baby doll. I feel so naive and immature. I don’t know if I even want to do these things. I couldn’t do it with my boyfriend now, he’s not into it and part of the fantasy for me is the guy loving it and finding just as much comfort in it as I do. I don’t mind that my boyfriend doesn’t like it but I do feel a bit lonely and weird because I’m such a wrong woman. I want to be the powerful, dominant strong goddess that he’s into.

Any insight?

I am 18F with a boyfriend, 19, and I don’t like being penetrated. In fact I hate it. It makes me feel disgusting and it feels degrading to do and I don’t like having a hole that things can go inside. I also don’t have any feeling there anyways or in my clit. I have never masturbated, I don’t get sexual thoughts, I rarely ever feel arousal, I’ve only had an orgasm once or twice in my life. I could happily go my whole life without anything sexual.

My boyfriend has a lot of fetishes for being degraded and dominated , pegged, that sort of thing. I don’t mind doing it at all but for me it’s just an activity to do. I couldn’t orgasm from it or get anything out of it myself. I don’t not enjoy it but it’s just something to do, I’m acting. Trying to think of hot things to say in the moment is what I find difficult because it just doesn’t come to me.

I love him and I am attracted to him but I want to cuddle him and take care of him more than anything. I love cuddling him, I think about it every night before bed. I fantasise about it like he fantasises about sex.

I have a few things that I consider my fetishes because I do feel some things off them, I like thinking about them, but again it’s like an activity that I would want to do.

I want to see him wet himself. I want to nurse him like a baby and hear him lisp and baby talk as we cuddle. I want to bottle feed him warm milk and make sure he’s safe. I want to dress him up in ridiculous outfits like a porcelain dolly and put his frilly socks on and his Mary Jane shoes. I want to put him in diapers that I can lay my head on. I want to pose him and just look at him. I want him to paw at me and woof at me like a puppy. I want to see him cuddle his teddy bear. I want him to be immobile, a toy that I can play with and hold. I want to see him in his old school uniform. I like putting him in a chastity cage, not because I find it arousing but because I find it oddly comforting. I like touching the plastic through his trousers, knowing he can’t do anything, just like a precious doll that’s only to be cuddled with. I want him to cry and come to me for cuddles. I want him to call me mummy all the time.

I once bought him one of those adult pacifiers and he sucked it as we cuddled. I don’t think he liked it and I haven’t spoken about it since. It hides in a backpack under my bed. I feel horrible and gross about it now but I can’t forget how much I loved it. He also used to suckle my breasts before I got them pierced. I know it was just something he did for me. I had one of my only orgasms from it alone. It was from the noise of him suckling, he sounded like a baby.

I feel the same way about men as when I look at a cute plush toy. I just want to hug them and dress them up and play with them. Something in my head isn’t right, like the wires are mixed up.

I’ve imagined men I’ve liked as cute green aliens, crash landing in my garden to be rescued and snuggled warm. I’ve imagined men as the size of my hand, kept as pets in hamster cages, sleeping on piles of cotton.

I can’t just be into any man either. I have to learn everything about them, know them for a while, I’ve never just seen some random man on television or the street and had instant daydreams about sex with him. Porn does nothing for me. I used to read stories on ao3 and talk with chatbots, making up elaborate stories in my head. But once I love somebody I’m obsessed with them.

My ‘sexuality’ is like a child with a baby doll. I feel so naive and immature. I don’t know if I even want to do these things. I couldn’t do it with my boyfriend now, he’s not into it and part of the fantasy for me is the guy loving it and finding just as much comfort in it as I do. I don’t mind that my boyfriend doesn’t like it but I do feel a bit lonely and weird because I’m such a wrong woman. I want to be the powerful, dominant strong goddess that he’s into.

Any insight?