Post Divorce – am I doomed to a life of no sex?! /u/Slight-Scarcity8812 Sex

Please excuse the throwaway account.

I am 40(f) and recently divorced. I was married for a long time and my ex is the only sexual partner I’ve had. Not for any religious reasons or anything like that, it just hadn’t happened until I met him. While our sex life wasn’t the reason for the divorce, it certainly didn’t help matters. It was very tame, unexciting, and pretty infrequent due to schedules and chronic illnesses.

I have no interest in ever re-marrying, but it’s really hard to imagine a life with absolutely no sex ever again. But, after reading through this sub for the last couple of weeks, I’ve gathered that I’m just not like other women when it comes to sex. I want it so much, but I don’t know how to reciprocate. My ex never really made me feel wanted after the first few years of our marriage so if was difficult to want to even have sex.

I feel like I missed a very important lesson somewhere. Would you believe I’ve never even given a blowjob? I don’t even know if I could! My ex never asked, or mentioned it in any way, and he was pretty self-conscious about his size (quite small) and we really didn’t communicate well in the bedroom (red flags everywhere, hindsight is 20/20 and all of that). The idea of doing it makes me gag for a plethora of reasons, but I loved the rare occasions my ex would go down on me, so I know that bjs are something I’d have to get over and learn to do.

I never realized how many men consider that a dealbreaker until I read this sub. It’s been … eye opening, to say the least.

I don’t know how to trust anyone enough to let them see me naked (I’m plus size and not comfortable with it, and that’s another issue in and of itself) – and I wouldn’t be comfortable with casual hookups because of my insecurities.

I guess my question is this: post-divorce, how do you get your confidence back to go after what you want? Where do women find these men that are just absolutely INTO them? I want to want someone and for someone to actually want me. I’m not sure how to navigate this. I have no clue what I’m doing.

(and yes, I’m in therapy, I was just hoping for some outside perspective)

Please excuse the throwaway account.

I am 40(f) and recently divorced. I was married for a long time and my ex is the only sexual partner I’ve had. Not for any religious reasons or anything like that, it just hadn’t happened until I met him. While our sex life wasn’t the reason for the divorce, it certainly didn’t help matters. It was very tame, unexciting, and pretty infrequent due to schedules and chronic illnesses.

I have no interest in ever re-marrying, but it’s really hard to imagine a life with absolutely no sex ever again. But, after reading through this sub for the last couple of weeks, I’ve gathered that I’m just not like other women when it comes to sex. I want it so much, but I don’t know how to reciprocate. My ex never really made me feel wanted after the first few years of our marriage so if was difficult to want to even have sex.

I feel like I missed a very important lesson somewhere. Would you believe I’ve never even given a blowjob? I don’t even know if I could! My ex never asked, or mentioned it in any way, and he was pretty self-conscious about his size (quite small) and we really didn’t communicate well in the bedroom (red flags everywhere, hindsight is 20/20 and all of that). The idea of doing it makes me gag for a plethora of reasons, but I loved the rare occasions my ex would go down on me, so I know that bjs are something I’d have to get over and learn to do.

I never realized how many men consider that a dealbreaker until I read this sub. It’s been … eye opening, to say the least.

I don’t know how to trust anyone enough to let them see me naked (I’m plus size and not comfortable with it, and that’s another issue in and of itself) – and I wouldn’t be comfortable with casual hookups because of my insecurities.

I guess my question is this: post-divorce, how do you get your confidence back to go after what you want? Where do women find these men that are just absolutely INTO them? I want to want someone and for someone to actually want me. I’m not sure how to navigate this. I have no clue what I’m doing.

(and yes, I’m in therapy, I was just hoping for some outside perspective)