I’ve been exploring CNC sex and feel like I can’t go back /u/CatsGotANosebleed Sex

I’ve (38f) been seeing someone (34m) for about 5 months and through a happy coincidence we discovered early on that we were into the same kinds of kinks. The recurring theme in our bedroom activities is CNC, or consensual non-consent ie. rape fantasy which involves him binding or restraining me and doing whatever he wants with me while I pretend to “hate it” or “fight back” within various levels of playful drama.

I’ve also given him a blanket consent to start sex when I’m sleeping and unconscious and last time when he spent the night he finally took me up on that offer where I woke up to him being on top of me and he immediately covered my mouth with his hand, whispered things in my ear and just started having sex with me. I wasn’t ready and the penetration was a bit uncomfortable but somehow that just made me love it more because my body was playing its role of not being turned on and it didn’t take long for my body to catch up to my brain with the arousal. I keep having these “brain orgasms” whenever we do this kind of CNC play where even if I don’t always orgasm physically/through my clit, my head gets into this amazing mellow euphoric state almost like I’ve just completed an intense run and my body is flooded with endorphin.

In general, I have no problem with this. I feel like I’m finally having the best sex of my life, feeling encouraged and safe to explore these taboo areas of my sexuality with someone who treats it with the adequate care and respect it deserves… But I worry I’ve been careless and “broken my meter” when it comes to getting sexual satisfaction. We were not sexually exclusive for the first few months of our dating with my partner and I was seeing other people, and the vanilla calm and sensual sex I was having was just… It was like getting a massage. It was still lovely of course, but it was like a stroll in the park compared to riding a rollercoaster. I know that realistically I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with the guy I’m seeing now, and I’m worried I’m never going to be satisfied with “baseline” sex again because of him.

I want to talk to my partner about trying to have sex in a more slow/vanilla way (he’s an absolutely wonderful and gentle person and treats our play sessions seriously, he makes me feel like I’m always 100% in control, never pressures me and makes me feel like I can talk to him about anything) but I myself am worried it’s not going to work for either of us and we’ll just get bored and go back to the intense sessions we’re good at – which isn’t bad per se! But I feel like we should be able to both run and walk when it comes to sex, you know? Even the first time we had sex it turned into a CNC roleplay in the middle of it, the way he grabbed my wrist was just… It was like our eyes locked and we instantly knew what we were about, and we just never looked back. I’m a hard and fast type of person when it comes to sex and he’s the first partner I’ve had who matches me with that speed and intensity, but somehow I feel guilty about being able to only get off when it’s CNC/bondage/rough/dominant sex. I never used to have orgasms with my previous partners, but with my current partner I get some type of orgasm (clitoral, vaginal, anal, nipple or “braingasm” haha) almost every time and it’s always because I feel like I have no choice or control over what my body physically responds to. It makes me sad that I sexually respond so strongly and universally positively to something that is seen as conventionally violent.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this where your satisfaction became kink dependent? How did you work your way out of that dependency? I guess I’m just looking for validation as well from people who are also into this kind of kink and tell me it’s ok to be like this. Thanks for reading!

I’ve (38f) been seeing someone (34m) for about 5 months and through a happy coincidence we discovered early on that we were into the same kinds of kinks. The recurring theme in our bedroom activities is CNC, or consensual non-consent ie. rape fantasy which involves him binding or restraining me and doing whatever he wants with me while I pretend to “hate it” or “fight back” within various levels of playful drama.

I’ve also given him a blanket consent to start sex when I’m sleeping and unconscious and last time when he spent the night he finally took me up on that offer where I woke up to him being on top of me and he immediately covered my mouth with his hand, whispered things in my ear and just started having sex with me. I wasn’t ready and the penetration was a bit uncomfortable but somehow that just made me love it more because my body was playing its role of not being turned on and it didn’t take long for my body to catch up to my brain with the arousal. I keep having these “brain orgasms” whenever we do this kind of CNC play where even if I don’t always orgasm physically/through my clit, my head gets into this amazing mellow euphoric state almost like I’ve just completed an intense run and my body is flooded with endorphin.

In general, I have no problem with this. I feel like I’m finally having the best sex of my life, feeling encouraged and safe to explore these taboo areas of my sexuality with someone who treats it with the adequate care and respect it deserves… But I worry I’ve been careless and “broken my meter” when it comes to getting sexual satisfaction. We were not sexually exclusive for the first few months of our dating with my partner and I was seeing other people, and the vanilla calm and sensual sex I was having was just… It was like getting a massage. It was still lovely of course, but it was like a stroll in the park compared to riding a rollercoaster. I know that realistically I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with the guy I’m seeing now, and I’m worried I’m never going to be satisfied with “baseline” sex again because of him.

I want to talk to my partner about trying to have sex in a more slow/vanilla way (he’s an absolutely wonderful and gentle person and treats our play sessions seriously, he makes me feel like I’m always 100% in control, never pressures me and makes me feel like I can talk to him about anything) but I myself am worried it’s not going to work for either of us and we’ll just get bored and go back to the intense sessions we’re good at – which isn’t bad per se! But I feel like we should be able to both run and walk when it comes to sex, you know? Even the first time we had sex it turned into a CNC roleplay in the middle of it, the way he grabbed my wrist was just… It was like our eyes locked and we instantly knew what we were about, and we just never looked back. I’m a hard and fast type of person when it comes to sex and he’s the first partner I’ve had who matches me with that speed and intensity, but somehow I feel guilty about being able to only get off when it’s CNC/bondage/rough/dominant sex. I never used to have orgasms with my previous partners, but with my current partner I get some type of orgasm (clitoral, vaginal, anal, nipple or “braingasm” haha) almost every time and it’s always because I feel like I have no choice or control over what my body physically responds to. It makes me sad that I sexually respond so strongly and universally positively to something that is seen as conventionally violent.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this where your satisfaction became kink dependent? How did you work your way out of that dependency? I guess I’m just looking for validation as well from people who are also into this kind of kink and tell me it’s ok to be like this. Thanks for reading!