My partner wants me to shave down there for his birthday, but shaving has caused me painful bumps in the past and he knows this. How do I make him understand that I don’t want to be in pain for a week or more for his hour of pleasure? I am NOT asking for medical advice. /u/Torn_BetweenYou Sex

ETA: a LOT of people are suggesting that I wax the hair. I have received multiple messages and comments telling me to do this. Please stop. I have stated several times that waxing causes the same result.

ETA2: stop suggesting that I trim. I already trim, as I stated in the post. The amount of people who only read the title and then comment is kind of annoying, tbh. Why comment if you don’t know the full story?

Pretty much the title. I (F30) used to always shave my pubic hair in the past, but over time it caused me a lot of ingrown hairs and I ended up developing abscesses due to the ingrown hairs. The issue has already been resolved by simply not waxing or shaving the hair, so I’m not asking for advice about that. It doesn’t make a difference whether I shave or if have it waxed at a salon – the result is always the same. I have used hospital grade antiseptic body wash 3x per day in the past when I was shaving and I still get them if I remove the hair in any way, so there is absolutely no way this is a hygiene issue. I was getting them regularly for years. The last straw was when I ended up developing 7 abscesses at the same time and I had to go to the hospital. I am not exaggerating. I know this is gross but I’m only describing it to make anyone reading understand how bad it really was. I am not being overly sensitive or petty. Anyone who has had an abscess anywhere on their body will understand. When it’s in that area, every time you move your legs, you put pressure on the abscess and it causes more pain. Even just one abscess was so painful that by the time it was “coming to a head”, I could barely walk and any walking or moving was unbearably painful. I had to take time off work and I have had to go and get them cut open more times than I can count. Imagine having seven….SEVEN. It was an absolute nightmare. That’s why I stopped shaving completely and decided to just trim from then on.

So anyway, my partner (M34) wants me to shave for his birthday due to it being a special occasion. I *reaaaallly* don’t want to go through that pain again, but he insists that it’s just this once and it would be the most fantastic gift. I tried to reason with him that I already trim the hair and I’d be happy to trim it shorter, but I do not want to shave bare. He insists that he wants it as smooth and bare as possible and that if I really love him, I’ll do it for him just this once. That’s just not going to work without me ending up in pain once the hairs grow back. I don’t want to upset him or disappoint him but I just can’t fathom going through that again. It doesn’t matter what I do or what creams I use or anything like that – I still get the ingrown hairs. And again, it doesn’t matter if I use literally hospital grade antiseptic soap 3 times a day (yes, I have tried that) – I still get the abscesses. It’s not about being dirty or using the wrong shaving method. I have literally tried everything. I am simply prone to ingrown hairs that get out of hand.

How can I make him understand that it’s just not worth it for me? Am I a bad person for not wanting to give him his “gift”?

Update: after reading many of your comments (thank you all, by the way), I have decided to end the relationship. It’s not only because of this. The relationship has been bad for a while. I just needed support and I got that support here. I will wait until after his birthday, because it is the decent thing to do. Of course I will not be shaving at his request, due to the fact that it has landed me in the ER before and he was actually THERE, driving me to the hospital and holding my hand. To make this request after that is unacceptable.

I own the house we live in and I own the car we both drive because I pay for both of those things out of my own pocket, so it will be simple. We are not married. We do not have any children. I have already spoken to my father. If my partner refuses to leave, he will be “escorted off the premises”, so to speak. I am done. And to a select few people who are telling me that I somehow deserve for him to leave me over this – I almost lost my life once due to sepsis. One man, one dick, will NEVER add up to the value of my life, and you are a severely unhinged if you think any differently. Good day to you.

ETA: a LOT of people are suggesting that I wax the hair. I have received multiple messages and comments telling me to do this. Please stop. I have stated several times that waxing causes the same result.

ETA2: stop suggesting that I trim. I already trim, as I stated in the post. The amount of people who only read the title and then comment is kind of annoying, tbh. Why comment if you don’t know the full story?

Pretty much the title. I (F30) used to always shave my pubic hair in the past, but over time it caused me a lot of ingrown hairs and I ended up developing abscesses due to the ingrown hairs. The issue has already been resolved by simply not waxing or shaving the hair, so I’m not asking for advice about that. It doesn’t make a difference whether I shave or if have it waxed at a salon – the result is always the same. I have used hospital grade antiseptic body wash 3x per day in the past when I was shaving and I still get them if I remove the hair in any way, so there is absolutely no way this is a hygiene issue. I was getting them regularly for years. The last straw was when I ended up developing 7 abscesses at the same time and I had to go to the hospital. I am not exaggerating. I know this is gross but I’m only describing it to make anyone reading understand how bad it really was. I am not being overly sensitive or petty. Anyone who has had an abscess anywhere on their body will understand. When it’s in that area, every time you move your legs, you put pressure on the abscess and it causes more pain. Even just one abscess was so painful that by the time it was “coming to a head”, I could barely walk and any walking or moving was unbearably painful. I had to take time off work and I have had to go and get them cut open more times than I can count. Imagine having seven….SEVEN. It was an absolute nightmare. That’s why I stopped shaving completely and decided to just trim from then on.

So anyway, my partner (M34) wants me to shave for his birthday due to it being a special occasion. I *reaaaallly* don’t want to go through that pain again, but he insists that it’s just this once and it would be the most fantastic gift. I tried to reason with him that I already trim the hair and I’d be happy to trim it shorter, but I do not want to shave bare. He insists that he wants it as smooth and bare as possible and that if I really love him, I’ll do it for him just this once. That’s just not going to work without me ending up in pain once the hairs grow back. I don’t want to upset him or disappoint him but I just can’t fathom going through that again. It doesn’t matter what I do or what creams I use or anything like that – I still get the ingrown hairs. And again, it doesn’t matter if I use literally hospital grade antiseptic soap 3 times a day (yes, I have tried that) – I still get the abscesses. It’s not about being dirty or using the wrong shaving method. I have literally tried everything. I am simply prone to ingrown hairs that get out of hand.

How can I make him understand that it’s just not worth it for me? Am I a bad person for not wanting to give him his “gift”?

Update: after reading many of your comments (thank you all, by the way), I have decided to end the relationship. It’s not only because of this. The relationship has been bad for a while. I just needed support and I got that support here. I will wait until after his birthday, because it is the decent thing to do. Of course I will not be shaving at his request, due to the fact that it has landed me in the ER before and he was actually THERE, driving me to the hospital and holding my hand. To make this request after that is unacceptable.

I own the house we live in and I own the car we both drive because I pay for both of those things out of my own pocket, so it will be simple. We are not married. We do not have any children. I have already spoken to my father. If my partner refuses to leave, he will be “escorted off the premises”, so to speak. I am done. And to a select few people who are telling me that I somehow deserve for him to leave me over this – I almost lost my life once due to sepsis. One man, one dick, will NEVER add up to the value of my life, and you are a severely unhinged if you think any differently. Good day to you.