High Libido (35F) is ruining my life /u/Lilith_314 Sex

Dear Fellow Redditors,

I am female in my 30’s. My libido is ruining my life.

Let me rewind and give you a little background. I by no means am a 10X a day compulsive sex addict. When I am in a relationship, I am happy and content with 2-4 times a week.

Anyhow, the trouble starts when I am not in a relationship. When I am getting my 2-4X /week I don’t think much (maybe some but not in an overwhelming and debilitating way) about sex in between and can fully function in life.

When I am single, I do great for a couple of weeks or so then start to get increasingly horny, to the point where within a month or so that’s all I can think about in debilitating ways. It’s almost like being a horny teenage boy and it almost physically hurts non stop. Sex is literally all I can think about and I swear to God even my sense of smell becomes freakishly strong and any male pheromones send me to a frenzy. I start to find people attractive I would never have normally.

I am sure at this point you are formulating questions in your head such as “ok but have you tried XY?” See below:

Of course I have tried masturbation but if anything, it only makes things worse and makes me even more horny. It’s almost like my body craves the full experience and won’t settle down until there is a full male there with his smell and real sperm in my body (excuse my crudeness; and yes, I do practice safe sex).

I simply can not do one night stands or FWB – I don’t judge at all those who can (and am in a way almost jealous) but I just can’t.

I tried basically all antidepressants out there and even beta blockers. I still stayed horny the same level, except with a little harder to orgasm.

And now the ruining life part: after a relationship ends, I want to do the right thing and wait a while to date. But after a few weeks I can’t see straight from horniness. When I start dating , in spite of my best intentions and trying to be intentional about it, I end up with guys I wouldn’t normally or who are not good for me. (I am not saying indiscriminately anyone -there still has to be some qualities that attract me in their personality, just that I am so horny that I ignore red flags, compromise my values and get sucked into a relationship based on horniness because I can’t see or think straight anymore. (I guess the male equivalent of this would be “thinking with your d$ck, excuse my language).

I am stuck in this conundrum of not being able to have sex without liking the person and at the same time sex glues me to them in a way where I stay I compromise myself and stay in bad situations way longer than I should. I never had a physically or financially etc. abusive boyfriend it’s more just like I stay with people we are not a good match (many of them I realize in retrospect I wouldn’t even have been friends with because our values are so different and we really don’t have that much in common).

I tried forcing abstinence and all it accomplished is my life was in shambles because sex consumed my thoughts day and night.

I tried therapy for years, but none of the therapists really understood. Some of them were outright hostile to me bitterly remarking that they never had a vaginal orgasm and I should just be happy I can have that and stop complaining. Some blamed it on childhood issues and after doing years of soul searching that doesn’t seem to explain it.

I looked into sex addiction but I don’t fit the mold. I don’t put myself into risky situations with strangers and don’t do degrading stuff (no offense to anyone who is into that).

I have felt ashamed and like a creep for many many years and have only met one other female in my whole life who could relate. I feel alone because no one seems to understand or experience this.

I am like some weirdo alien Grinch – I am very orgasmic – orgasm by penetration is by far my favorite (I am not a fan of oral sex other than for brief foreplay except on rare occasions, because to me penetrative sex stimulates both areas in the best possible ways and give me huge orgasms every time, while oral or other stimulation doesn’t quite hit all the right spots at once). I think I have a heightened sensitivity by disposition. I can’t talk about my sexuality with most people because women think I am lying or bragging and either way they can’t relate to me at all.

I tried so hard to fix myself every way I could and I still keep ending up in this painful conundrum. I am tired and feel powerless. I am extremely jealous of people who can turn off their libido and not think much about sex.

Thank you so very much if you made it this far and any thoughts, advice , feedback or reflections are much appreciated.

Dear Fellow Redditors,

I am female in my 30’s. My libido is ruining my life.

Let me rewind and give you a little background. I by no means am a 10X a day compulsive sex addict. When I am in a relationship, I am happy and content with 2-4 times a week.

Anyhow, the trouble starts when I am not in a relationship. When I am getting my 2-4X /week I don’t think much (maybe some but not in an overwhelming and debilitating way) about sex in between and can fully function in life.

When I am single, I do great for a couple of weeks or so then start to get increasingly horny, to the point where within a month or so that’s all I can think about in debilitating ways. It’s almost like being a horny teenage boy and it almost physically hurts non stop. Sex is literally all I can think about and I swear to God even my sense of smell becomes freakishly strong and any male pheromones send me to a frenzy. I start to find people attractive I would never have normally.

I am sure at this point you are formulating questions in your head such as “ok but have you tried XY?” See below:

Of course I have tried masturbation but if anything, it only makes things worse and makes me even more horny. It’s almost like my body craves the full experience and won’t settle down until there is a full male there with his smell and real sperm in my body (excuse my crudeness; and yes, I do practice safe sex).

I simply can not do one night stands or FWB – I don’t judge at all those who can (and am in a way almost jealous) but I just can’t.

I tried basically all antidepressants out there and even beta blockers. I still stayed horny the same level, except with a little harder to orgasm.

And now the ruining life part: after a relationship ends, I want to do the right thing and wait a while to date. But after a few weeks I can’t see straight from horniness. When I start dating , in spite of my best intentions and trying to be intentional about it, I end up with guys I wouldn’t normally or who are not good for me. (I am not saying indiscriminately anyone -there still has to be some qualities that attract me in their personality, just that I am so horny that I ignore red flags, compromise my values and get sucked into a relationship based on horniness because I can’t see or think straight anymore. (I guess the male equivalent of this would be “thinking with your d$ck, excuse my language).

I am stuck in this conundrum of not being able to have sex without liking the person and at the same time sex glues me to them in a way where I stay I compromise myself and stay in bad situations way longer than I should. I never had a physically or financially etc. abusive boyfriend it’s more just like I stay with people we are not a good match (many of them I realize in retrospect I wouldn’t even have been friends with because our values are so different and we really don’t have that much in common).

I tried forcing abstinence and all it accomplished is my life was in shambles because sex consumed my thoughts day and night.

I tried therapy for years, but none of the therapists really understood. Some of them were outright hostile to me bitterly remarking that they never had a vaginal orgasm and I should just be happy I can have that and stop complaining. Some blamed it on childhood issues and after doing years of soul searching that doesn’t seem to explain it.

I looked into sex addiction but I don’t fit the mold. I don’t put myself into risky situations with strangers and don’t do degrading stuff (no offense to anyone who is into that).

I have felt ashamed and like a creep for many many years and have only met one other female in my whole life who could relate. I feel alone because no one seems to understand or experience this.

I am like some weirdo alien Grinch – I am very orgasmic – orgasm by penetration is by far my favorite (I am not a fan of oral sex other than for brief foreplay except on rare occasions, because to me penetrative sex stimulates both areas in the best possible ways and give me huge orgasms every time, while oral or other stimulation doesn’t quite hit all the right spots at once). I think I have a heightened sensitivity by disposition. I can’t talk about my sexuality with most people because women think I am lying or bragging and either way they can’t relate to me at all.

I tried so hard to fix myself every way I could and I still keep ending up in this painful conundrum. I am tired and feel powerless. I am extremely jealous of people who can turn off their libido and not think much about sex.

Thank you so very much if you made it this far and any thoughts, advice , feedback or reflections are much appreciated.