An ex called me cringe and now I’m scared of doing my usual tricks in bed /u/madeathrowaway21 Sex

I think he is on the spectrum (which is fine – just pointing it out because he was very awkward and sex with him has left scars on my confidence).

So with other guys I’ve never had an issue, it was always passionate with lots of neck kissing and kissing down their body until I got to their dick and then I’ve always had praise about my blow job technique. So I previously loved giving them. We only dated for like a short couple months in 2021 but I vividly remember him just bursting out laughing after doing that and when I had just put his dick in my mouth. I asked what was funny and he just said ‘that’s cringe’. I said what is? And he said the way I act was cringey.

For context he was a bit of a recluse that used 4chan all day and I think I was the first person he’d been intimate with for a long time, we met at a festival and I didn’t realise how different we were at first because when we met we were both high as fuck lol. It was when we started being around each other sober that I realised how incredibly awkward and difficult he could be.

I’d previously never gotten any complaints about head either, and would enthusiastically learn what other boyfriends liked and could make them finish within minutes if that was the goal. This guy though would tell me to be really rough (like really rough). He asked me to use teeth too, which no one has asked for before or since. I used teeth a bit and he said to be rougher so I was, then he snapped at me and said I took him too literally. When someone berates you and criticises you DURING sex… wow it hits differently. And completely killed the mood.

There were quite a few more instances like that, basically where I was just made to feel shit and like I was the problem. And maybe I am, but I’d never ever felt like people had an issue with me before because we would work together and find what we each liked. Sex was FUN. When we met I was going through a particularly difficult break up and lost a lot of self esteem as it was, so my experience with him came at a bad time.

Now, with my current partner (long distance), when I see him I find it incredibly hard to initiate being intimate out of fear that he won’t be satisfied. He loves going down and wants to eat me out but because of negative experiences with the other guy, my body language has ironically become so shy and awkward that it’s off putting because he is a gent and doesn’t want to pressure me when I’m clearly closed off. So he’s never gone down because I’m trapped in my shell and have said no when he tried.

Also, unless I’m drunk (only time my confidence returns) I just feel so scared to do my usual antics. I won’t kiss passionately, I feel hyper aware of moaning, I won’t kiss his neck or down his body and tease him. All things I loved doing, because I’m so afraid of being cringey and embarrassing. He is definitely quite a sensual person and I think if I did do those things he’d enjoy them.

Any advice how I can break out of this fear? It’s been over a year and I still struggle a lot

I think he is on the spectrum (which is fine – just pointing it out because he was very awkward and sex with him has left scars on my confidence).

So with other guys I’ve never had an issue, it was always passionate with lots of neck kissing and kissing down their body until I got to their dick and then I’ve always had praise about my blow job technique. So I previously loved giving them. We only dated for like a short couple months in 2021 but I vividly remember him just bursting out laughing after doing that and when I had just put his dick in my mouth. I asked what was funny and he just said ‘that’s cringe’. I said what is? And he said the way I act was cringey.

For context he was a bit of a recluse that used 4chan all day and I think I was the first person he’d been intimate with for a long time, we met at a festival and I didn’t realise how different we were at first because when we met we were both high as fuck lol. It was when we started being around each other sober that I realised how incredibly awkward and difficult he could be.

I’d previously never gotten any complaints about head either, and would enthusiastically learn what other boyfriends liked and could make them finish within minutes if that was the goal. This guy though would tell me to be really rough (like really rough). He asked me to use teeth too, which no one has asked for before or since. I used teeth a bit and he said to be rougher so I was, then he snapped at me and said I took him too literally. When someone berates you and criticises you DURING sex… wow it hits differently. And completely killed the mood.

There were quite a few more instances like that, basically where I was just made to feel shit and like I was the problem. And maybe I am, but I’d never ever felt like people had an issue with me before because we would work together and find what we each liked. Sex was FUN. When we met I was going through a particularly difficult break up and lost a lot of self esteem as it was, so my experience with him came at a bad time.

Now, with my current partner (long distance), when I see him I find it incredibly hard to initiate being intimate out of fear that he won’t be satisfied. He loves going down and wants to eat me out but because of negative experiences with the other guy, my body language has ironically become so shy and awkward that it’s off putting because he is a gent and doesn’t want to pressure me when I’m clearly closed off. So he’s never gone down because I’m trapped in my shell and have said no when he tried.

Also, unless I’m drunk (only time my confidence returns) I just feel so scared to do my usual antics. I won’t kiss passionately, I feel hyper aware of moaning, I won’t kiss his neck or down his body and tease him. All things I loved doing, because I’m so afraid of being cringey and embarrassing. He is definitely quite a sensual person and I think if I did do those things he’d enjoy them.

Any advice how I can break out of this fear? It’s been over a year and I still struggle a lot