What has been successful in your relationship with a partner who is higher/lower libido? /u/throwawaywife002 Sex

My husband and I have mismatched libidos, me being the one who has a much higher need. There’s no underlying medical reason, we are both attracted to each other and love each other, and are currently in couples counseling to strengthen our relationship and work on communication (not for any major relationship issues) – ie, we’re both happy and healthy, just have different needs.

I am desperately looking for ways I can get him interested in having sex more. I’d like to at least once a week minimum but I think he’d be okay with once every 3-4 weeks. I initiate several times a week and get rejected about 90% of the time. The rejection is getting to me. With the constant rejection, and now the fear of being rejected, I don’t even want to initiate anymore. I feel as if I’m probably just a few more rejections away from not being able to initiate at all anymore without feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed.

We are working on communicating (hence the counseling), even about sex, which is particularly hard for me because of my upbringing, but I feel like maybe I could be doing something different to entice him. I offer blowjobs, I’ve bought toys, I ask to take showers with him. It doesn’t work. If he ever gives an excuse, it’s that’s he’s “tired,” but I feel like he says that so he’s not just saying flat out “no.”

I’ve read that scheduling sex works for some, like having a regular day scheduled to take the pressure off of both parties. I’ve also read about the low libido party wearing an item of clothing or color that means, “I’m in if you are” or conversely, “absolutely not tonight.” I’m not opposed to these ideas but I just don’t know if they fit us as a couple (aka, if he’d buy into them – especially the item one, I know he wouldn’t do that).

I’m looking for advice, tools, resources, tips, whatever anyone has for me on how to solve this problem. We’ll of course still work on the communication aspect of this, which I realize is a huge factor, but I’d also like to have some ideas in my back pocket on how to meet in the middle with our sexual needs. I just want to have sex with my husband without feeling like I’m begging.

My husband and I have mismatched libidos, me being the one who has a much higher need. There’s no underlying medical reason, we are both attracted to each other and love each other, and are currently in couples counseling to strengthen our relationship and work on communication (not for any major relationship issues) – ie, we’re both happy and healthy, just have different needs.

I am desperately looking for ways I can get him interested in having sex more. I’d like to at least once a week minimum but I think he’d be okay with once every 3-4 weeks. I initiate several times a week and get rejected about 90% of the time. The rejection is getting to me. With the constant rejection, and now the fear of being rejected, I don’t even want to initiate anymore. I feel as if I’m probably just a few more rejections away from not being able to initiate at all anymore without feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed.

We are working on communicating (hence the counseling), even about sex, which is particularly hard for me because of my upbringing, but I feel like maybe I could be doing something different to entice him. I offer blowjobs, I’ve bought toys, I ask to take showers with him. It doesn’t work. If he ever gives an excuse, it’s that’s he’s “tired,” but I feel like he says that so he’s not just saying flat out “no.”

I’ve read that scheduling sex works for some, like having a regular day scheduled to take the pressure off of both parties. I’ve also read about the low libido party wearing an item of clothing or color that means, “I’m in if you are” or conversely, “absolutely not tonight.” I’m not opposed to these ideas but I just don’t know if they fit us as a couple (aka, if he’d buy into them – especially the item one, I know he wouldn’t do that).

I’m looking for advice, tools, resources, tips, whatever anyone has for me on how to solve this problem. We’ll of course still work on the communication aspect of this, which I realize is a huge factor, but I’d also like to have some ideas in my back pocket on how to meet in the middle with our sexual needs. I just want to have sex with my husband without feeling like I’m begging.