I don’t care about sex and it just makes me feel dirty, but my partner feels differently /u/moodybiatch Sex

TW: SA

I’m 26f, I’m on antidepressants and I’m a SA survivor. Sex is one of the least appealing activities in the world to me, on par with taking a bath in the sewers and diving into a dumpster. It makes me feel dirty and I need a full shower both before and after so it ends up being a chore and taking the whole evening. For context, the SA happened 7 years ago, I’ve done tons of therapy and I’ve been stable for the last 2-3 years. I don’t know how much more I can fix it, I guess this is as good as I can heal.

My partner 25m doesn’t have a high sex drive at all, he’d be cool with once or twice a month, maybe stretching it a bit. He told me he gave up trying because I’ll reject him anyway but I honestly don’t even realize I’m doing it half of the time. He also said he doesn’t want to be too bold or insistent to avoid triggering a meltdown, which unfortunately has happened in the past because it reminded me of the SA. My mind just does not go to sex. Once or twice a month is literally how much I masturbate. We don’t usually talk about it much but every now and then he does bring up he’d like to do it more.

I love him very much and I can see this is making him sad. I also don’t think a couple times a month is an unreasonable demand in a 2 years long relationship. Sometimes I tell myself I could just push through it and pretend to care but it’s literally the most boring thing ever. And he’s not even bad, he’s better than most partners I had. He’s caring, he listens to what I ask him to do, and knows my body very well. We also have toys and barely use them. It’s just, he’s this wonderful, intellectual man that knows shit about everything and could talk to you for hours about the most interesting shit. Why the fuck would I want to spend the night grunting and experiencing friction while saying “oh yeah wow” and nothing more? There’s so many more enriching things we could do together in that moment.

I don’t even know what type of advice to ask for. I feel shitty because he’d want more but most times I just can’t get myself to do it. Do people just push through it? Is there some magical way to get horny in the spot, and not to feel like I’m oozing putrid acid from every opening if I haven’t showered and brushed my teeth within the last 5 minutes? And if I simply can’t get myself to do it, how do I stop feeling like crap about it?

TW: SA

I’m 26f, I’m on antidepressants and I’m a SA survivor. Sex is one of the least appealing activities in the world to me, on par with taking a bath in the sewers and diving into a dumpster. It makes me feel dirty and I need a full shower both before and after so it ends up being a chore and taking the whole evening. For context, the SA happened 7 years ago, I’ve done tons of therapy and I’ve been stable for the last 2-3 years. I don’t know how much more I can fix it, I guess this is as good as I can heal.

My partner 25m doesn’t have a high sex drive at all, he’d be cool with once or twice a month, maybe stretching it a bit. He told me he gave up trying because I’ll reject him anyway but I honestly don’t even realize I’m doing it half of the time. He also said he doesn’t want to be too bold or insistent to avoid triggering a meltdown, which unfortunately has happened in the past because it reminded me of the SA. My mind just does not go to sex. Once or twice a month is literally how much I masturbate. We don’t usually talk about it much but every now and then he does bring up he’d like to do it more.

I love him very much and I can see this is making him sad. I also don’t think a couple times a month is an unreasonable demand in a 2 years long relationship. Sometimes I tell myself I could just push through it and pretend to care but it’s literally the most boring thing ever. And he’s not even bad, he’s better than most partners I had. He’s caring, he listens to what I ask him to do, and knows my body very well. We also have toys and barely use them. It’s just, he’s this wonderful, intellectual man that knows shit about everything and could talk to you for hours about the most interesting shit. Why the fuck would I want to spend the night grunting and experiencing friction while saying “oh yeah wow” and nothing more? There’s so many more enriching things we could do together in that moment.

I don’t even know what type of advice to ask for. I feel shitty because he’d want more but most times I just can’t get myself to do it. Do people just push through it? Is there some magical way to get horny in the spot, and not to feel like I’m oozing putrid acid from every opening if I haven’t showered and brushed my teeth within the last 5 minutes? And if I simply can’t get myself to do it, how do I stop feeling like crap about it?