anxiety around sex with bf? /u/throwaway384848582 Sex

hello, haven’t posted here in a long time so apologies if this is awkward. me and my bf are both in our mid twenties range (me 25, him 27), and have been dating since december (met start of december, started officially dating later in the month).

i am struggling with having some weird discomfort around intimacy with him which i can’t seem to resolve, lol.

just as an important piece of background info, i am a survivor of csa, and am still in therapy to process this.

my bf is a very sweet, calm person, which suits with me both in general relationship life and sexually, as in the past i have been triggered by previous sexual partners who were too aggressive during intimacy.

i rarely get triggered during sex with him, and we are quite compatible other than he is a little more vanilla with me. still, i enjoy sex with him and he does fulfil my physical needs well.

however, i am having a strange difficulty with being able to initiate with him, or feeling confident/comfortable enough to have sex with him. i’ve had a decent amount of sexual history in my life; he has not (which he is perfectly fine with), but i wonder sometimes if this is what is impacting me. we have great talks and connections outside of sex, if there is an issue, we always discuss like adults and resolve it without any disrespect to either party.

however i just feel so insecure to have sex with him. the times we do have, i normally feel fine enough to have it, but i worry that since this is not that often (around 1 time a week), that he will lose satisfaction with me. more still, i don’t know why i hesitate so much. i have normally been comfortable with sexual relations in the past with previous lovers, so it worries me that i am hesitating when im with someone that is so great.

i am not sure if its just insecurity over my history being larger than his, or due to my sexual trauma. sometimes i feel like he deserves more than me. i regularly feel like due to my mental illness that he will not see me as a potential long term partner. he has not expressed these views nor implied them, but i get anxious thinking about it sometimes. i’m afraid to mention my insecurity in case that he would be bothered by me mentioning that.

he is not very verbally expressive as a partner, so i also wonder if its just that i should ask him to give me more compliments or affection in that way?

im sorry that this is not cohesive, i just don’t have anyone to discuss this issue with at present (my therapist is currently on leave) and its consistently worrying me and bothering me. does anyone have any ideas or recommendations ?

hello, haven’t posted here in a long time so apologies if this is awkward. me and my bf are both in our mid twenties range (me 25, him 27), and have been dating since december (met start of december, started officially dating later in the month).

i am struggling with having some weird discomfort around intimacy with him which i can’t seem to resolve, lol.

just as an important piece of background info, i am a survivor of csa, and am still in therapy to process this.

my bf is a very sweet, calm person, which suits with me both in general relationship life and sexually, as in the past i have been triggered by previous sexual partners who were too aggressive during intimacy.

i rarely get triggered during sex with him, and we are quite compatible other than he is a little more vanilla with me. still, i enjoy sex with him and he does fulfil my physical needs well.

however, i am having a strange difficulty with being able to initiate with him, or feeling confident/comfortable enough to have sex with him. i’ve had a decent amount of sexual history in my life; he has not (which he is perfectly fine with), but i wonder sometimes if this is what is impacting me. we have great talks and connections outside of sex, if there is an issue, we always discuss like adults and resolve it without any disrespect to either party.

however i just feel so insecure to have sex with him. the times we do have, i normally feel fine enough to have it, but i worry that since this is not that often (around 1 time a week), that he will lose satisfaction with me. more still, i don’t know why i hesitate so much. i have normally been comfortable with sexual relations in the past with previous lovers, so it worries me that i am hesitating when im with someone that is so great.

i am not sure if its just insecurity over my history being larger than his, or due to my sexual trauma. sometimes i feel like he deserves more than me. i regularly feel like due to my mental illness that he will not see me as a potential long term partner. he has not expressed these views nor implied them, but i get anxious thinking about it sometimes. i’m afraid to mention my insecurity in case that he would be bothered by me mentioning that.

he is not very verbally expressive as a partner, so i also wonder if its just that i should ask him to give me more compliments or affection in that way?

im sorry that this is not cohesive, i just don’t have anyone to discuss this issue with at present (my therapist is currently on leave) and its consistently worrying me and bothering me. does anyone have any ideas or recommendations ?