My boyfriend suddenly sees all my advances as “putting pressure on him” and seems to only be into sex when I’m not in the mood. 22F 25M /u/Iamunderthebed Sex

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years, and throughout our relationship we’ve both always had a high sex drive- obviously there’s been ebbs and flows but generally, on an average week we’d have sex 4-5 times (we don’t live together so more or less we’d have it whenever we saw eachother.)

There’ve been a few stints in where he was ultra sensitive and couldn’t last more than 5 minutes, which he’d get in his head about when it happened. But that would never really last more than a week at a time.

Lately though, it’s as if something shifted entirely with his sex drive and libido. Like, he either can’t get it up at all or just shows little interest to even try. It used to be so easy to turn him on, and I love foreplay so I don’t mind putting in a little more attention to him but lately that’s not worked much. And when he does get it up and we have sex, he can hardly do anything before finishing. Which of course gets him in his head even more.

I know that performance anxiety is a mental thing, and not anything personal. And I dont want him to feel anxious every time we’re gonna have sex. But also like, I miss it.

When I try to tell him how much I want him to fuck me, or dirty talk at all, he just says “that’s putting pressure on me” and if I try to get him into it when he can’t get it up (focusing elsewhere, letting him know how turned on I am) he said it just makes him feel bad. So I don’t know how I can even help. It seems the only time he’s really into it is when I’m not- I guess because there’s no “pressure” ?

Another thing that frustrates me is, if he can’t get it up- that’s it. If he’s not in the mood- that’s it. It doesn’t seem to matter if I’m turned on, he doesn’t offer to go down on me or use his hands or a toy. And I’ve brought this up with him (nicely) and he just said it’s because he feels bad and isn’t in the mood. Physical touch is my main love language and when he shuts down like that I can’t help but feel a little disconnected.

So, guys, any advice?? I know this is a mental thing mostly. But I want to be able to help as best I can, for both of our sakes, and he’s not really letting me know how I can do that. Anyone have this experience? What’d you do? Should I just wait and hope it passes?

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years, and throughout our relationship we’ve both always had a high sex drive- obviously there’s been ebbs and flows but generally, on an average week we’d have sex 4-5 times (we don’t live together so more or less we’d have it whenever we saw eachother.)

There’ve been a few stints in where he was ultra sensitive and couldn’t last more than 5 minutes, which he’d get in his head about when it happened. But that would never really last more than a week at a time.

Lately though, it’s as if something shifted entirely with his sex drive and libido. Like, he either can’t get it up at all or just shows little interest to even try. It used to be so easy to turn him on, and I love foreplay so I don’t mind putting in a little more attention to him but lately that’s not worked much. And when he does get it up and we have sex, he can hardly do anything before finishing. Which of course gets him in his head even more.

I know that performance anxiety is a mental thing, and not anything personal. And I dont want him to feel anxious every time we’re gonna have sex. But also like, I miss it.

When I try to tell him how much I want him to fuck me, or dirty talk at all, he just says “that’s putting pressure on me” and if I try to get him into it when he can’t get it up (focusing elsewhere, letting him know how turned on I am) he said it just makes him feel bad. So I don’t know how I can even help. It seems the only time he’s really into it is when I’m not- I guess because there’s no “pressure” ?

Another thing that frustrates me is, if he can’t get it up- that’s it. If he’s not in the mood- that’s it. It doesn’t seem to matter if I’m turned on, he doesn’t offer to go down on me or use his hands or a toy. And I’ve brought this up with him (nicely) and he just said it’s because he feels bad and isn’t in the mood. Physical touch is my main love language and when he shuts down like that I can’t help but feel a little disconnected.

So, guys, any advice?? I know this is a mental thing mostly. But I want to be able to help as best I can, for both of our sakes, and he’s not really letting me know how I can do that. Anyone have this experience? What’d you do? Should I just wait and hope it passes?