How to convince wife to open up about sex /u/spanishthrower Sex

My wife has preferences and (I suppose) fantasies but she hates to talk about it. For example with doggy position. She used to say its degrading at first, then after doing this a few times, she DEMANDS it every time, and she even says things like “take me hard in doggy” etc. She likes also some minor hairpulling and domination, although those are more specific to a moment, and she will never say this outloud that she likes this.
However she likes to be mahandled in bed, little spanking (although it took a few years until she finally vocally said to me she likes it, I tested it at first and she was very positive towards it, but she at first said she does not like it , while body and moaning told me otherwise).

Now I randomly discovered that she just LOVES to have her head pet like a cat. She visually melts down in my arms, and becomes very submissive then.

I would like her to open up and to finallly SAY what she likes.
But the only way I can get such info is by testing during sex. When speaking outside of sex, she says she does not like ANYTHING not vanilla sex.
The problem is I tried this a lot of times. Used for example mojoupgrade for that. And she did not select a single thing. Everything was “gross”. Also during such nonsexual talks: “she does not have any fantasies, or desires”. And I believed at first but then observed that she actually does but will NEVER say them.

As I described in my post, all of her current sexual desires are ones I introduced slowly, when she said that she does not like it.

I bough her first small vibe, and she was against it. Now she cannot live without it. Then I bought a bigger stronger one: “its gross, why would I want that”. Boom. She never goes back to the smaller one.

Same with doggy, manhandling, rough sex etc. She now ASKS me for those things. But she would never say that she is into it, until I tested it, she liked it and then we did it a lot of times. Then she might finally say, that she likes it.

It is so frustrating for me because she will NEVER say anything on her side, I just try things and some do not fit her, some just click. But again, tried talking in nonsexual manner and this never gives me ANY CLUE.

People say communication is the key. So how to do this?

My wife has preferences and (I suppose) fantasies but she hates to talk about it. For example with doggy position. She used to say its degrading at first, then after doing this a few times, she DEMANDS it every time, and she even says things like “take me hard in doggy” etc. She likes also some minor hairpulling and domination, although those are more specific to a moment, and she will never say this outloud that she likes this.
However she likes to be mahandled in bed, little spanking (although it took a few years until she finally vocally said to me she likes it, I tested it at first and she was very positive towards it, but she at first said she does not like it , while body and moaning told me otherwise).

Now I randomly discovered that she just LOVES to have her head pet like a cat. She visually melts down in my arms, and becomes very submissive then.

I would like her to open up and to finallly SAY what she likes.
But the only way I can get such info is by testing during sex. When speaking outside of sex, she says she does not like ANYTHING not vanilla sex.
The problem is I tried this a lot of times. Used for example mojoupgrade for that. And she did not select a single thing. Everything was “gross”. Also during such nonsexual talks: “she does not have any fantasies, or desires”. And I believed at first but then observed that she actually does but will NEVER say them.

As I described in my post, all of her current sexual desires are ones I introduced slowly, when she said that she does not like it.

I bough her first small vibe, and she was against it. Now she cannot live without it. Then I bought a bigger stronger one: “its gross, why would I want that”. Boom. She never goes back to the smaller one.

Same with doggy, manhandling, rough sex etc. She now ASKS me for those things. But she would never say that she is into it, until I tested it, she liked it and then we did it a lot of times. Then she might finally say, that she likes it.

It is so frustrating for me because she will NEVER say anything on her side, I just try things and some do not fit her, some just click. But again, tried talking in nonsexual manner and this never gives me ANY CLUE.

People say communication is the key. So how to do this?