Is having a destination wedding inconsiderate to guests and bridal party? /u/reditornot-hereIcome No such thing as stupid questions

A friend’s recent engagement reminded me of a long ago conversation I had with my aunt at my cousin’s wedding about 12 years ago. Both my cousin and his bride were early 30’s, no kids. I live far from that side of the family, so I didn’t know my cousin’s friends. At one point during the reception my aunt pointed out one of my cousin’s groomsman and said privately to my family, “That’s [your cousin’s] best friend from college. rolls her eyes and groans I can’t Believe he’s getting married in Aruba in 3 months when your cousin and his new bride are trying to save for a house.”

I was surprised and didn’t say anything. But I thought to myself, ‘It’s the friend’s wedding. The friend and his fiancé should be able to get married wherever they want. If my cousin can’t afford to go, he should either ask if the friend can help him in some way or just not go.’

I know weddings are tricky. Sometimes a wedding is far from one’s family. Though in those cases, if it’s more of an obligatory attend, I think family helps with travel and accommodation costs (I mean that’s how it’s been for me.) And when my own childhood best friend got married, across the country because she and her fiance wanted to get married on his parents’ farm in New Hampshire, I couldn’t afford the flights, hotel, and time off work, so I did not go. My friend and I were both sad, but she understood.

So like I really don’t understand my aunt’s attitude. I don’t think my cousin’s friend was in the wrong to have his wedding in Aruba. My cousin went and spent a lot of money, and that choice was my cousin’s. My friend didn’t ask me to be in her bridal party (though I think I would have been had I been there). I couldn’t afford it though, so I didn’t go. She didn’t act hurt or offended. And I did get them a gift.

So like, what are other people’s thoughts? Should couples adjust their weddings to be more financially considerate of friends and family and bridal party? Or should they plan what they want, even if it means fewer people may be able to come?

A friend’s recent engagement reminded me of a long ago conversation I had with my aunt at my cousin’s wedding about 12 years ago. Both my cousin and his bride were early 30’s, no kids. I live far from that side of the family, so I didn’t know my cousin’s friends. At one point during the reception my aunt pointed out one of my cousin’s groomsman and said privately to my family, “That’s [your cousin’s] best friend from college. rolls her eyes and groans I can’t Believe he’s getting married in Aruba in 3 months when your cousin and his new bride are trying to save for a house.”

I was surprised and didn’t say anything. But I thought to myself, ‘It’s the friend’s wedding. The friend and his fiancé should be able to get married wherever they want. If my cousin can’t afford to go, he should either ask if the friend can help him in some way or just not go.’

I know weddings are tricky. Sometimes a wedding is far from one’s family. Though in those cases, if it’s more of an obligatory attend, I think family helps with travel and accommodation costs (I mean that’s how it’s been for me.) And when my own childhood best friend got married, across the country because she and her fiance wanted to get married on his parents’ farm in New Hampshire, I couldn’t afford the flights, hotel, and time off work, so I did not go. My friend and I were both sad, but she understood.

So like I really don’t understand my aunt’s attitude. I don’t think my cousin’s friend was in the wrong to have his wedding in Aruba. My cousin went and spent a lot of money, and that choice was my cousin’s. My friend didn’t ask me to be in her bridal party (though I think I would have been had I been there). I couldn’t afford it though, so I didn’t go. She didn’t act hurt or offended. And I did get them a gift.

So like, what are other people’s thoughts? Should couples adjust their weddings to be more financially considerate of friends and family and bridal party? Or should they plan what they want, even if it means fewer people may be able to come?