tldr; Long term marriage. Generally happy, but quite drinking/masturbation and suddenly SUPER into her. Needs aren’t being met well, and I want to discuss chastity play or some variant with her. Need help.
Lengthy post follows:
My wife and I have a big difference in libido. We always have. The marriage has been good, generally. Arguments resolve generally with both of us feeling heart and yelling is uncommon. I am a better man with her in my life. I have made her life better as well. She is a bit vanilla, while I would like to be more adventurous. My high libido was answered by porn and masturbation a few times a week. Sex was once a week at best.
I disturbed the equilibrium by giving up drinking (one a day type) due to my doctor’s directive. It turns out alcohol was my trigger for masturbating. When I don’t masturbate, I suddenly feel so attentive, empathetic, and caring for my wife. Yes, I want to have sex with her more, but really I just wanna treat her like a queen. I think I am back in limerence a bit.
Now, a couple months later we have really dove into intimate discussions about things. Not just sex talk. Just various intimate things. I LOVE it. And now I feel a compelling need to open up more sexually. I shared my recently discovered enjoyment of denial play. She is warming to it, but reluctant saying she doesn’t want to hurt me through blue balls. I have to assure her, that it is nothing like that.
However the libido difference remains. I pursue (and I am fine with that), and she often declines. The rejection hurts. What’s worse is the pressure SHE feels from my advances. I don’t want her to feel that. Sure, sometimes it is needed, but it is nearly constant for her presently. I want her to be willing to just say, “not today dear.” And we maybe plan the following day or something. Instead, she feels hurt as well.
In digging into this experience of being so into her, I realized how similar it was to men in chastity. It makes sense since I go from release every other day to once a week or less, that my desire for release goes up. However, I lack the emotional connection involved in it with her. I lack my partners support on it to make it an overt part of our intimate life. She loves the extra attention, except for the sexual pressure. I want to be closer to her, to continue to dote on her, but also have my needs met.
I think the next stage is a clear discussion. I think it might be time to share a good link I have been reading and see where it goes.
https://happy-marriage.neocities.org
I don’t want to just dump it on her and expect her to read it. I want to go through it with her and discuss it. Maybe find a version that works for us. That allows my physical needs to be met and… tamed? That I get to dive deeper into her and I feel she is diving into me.
I fear a bit. She has said some things are “weird” to her before (like years ago) Like a handjob was “weird” for a time, although she will do it for me now.
I would appreciate words of encouragement from folks that have been in similar situations. I would also appreciate any guidance you all might have. Sincerely, I just want to keep growing closer to her.
submitted by /u/Shai_Hulu_Hoop
[link] [comments]
r/sex tldr; Long term marriage. Generally happy, but quite drinking/masturbation and suddenly SUPER into her. Needs aren’t being met well, and I want to discuss chastity play or some variant with her. Need help. Lengthy post follows: My wife and I have a big difference in libido. We always have. The marriage has been good, generally. Arguments resolve generally with both of us feeling heart and yelling is uncommon. I am a better man with her in my life. I have made her life better as well. She is a bit vanilla, while I would like to be more adventurous. My high libido was answered by porn and masturbation a few times a week. Sex was once a week at best. I disturbed the equilibrium by giving up drinking (one a day type) due to my doctor’s directive. It turns out alcohol was my trigger for masturbating. When I don’t masturbate, I suddenly feel so attentive, empathetic, and caring for my wife. Yes, I want to have sex with her more, but really I just wanna treat her like a queen. I think I am back in limerence a bit. Now, a couple months later we have really dove into intimate discussions about things. Not just sex talk. Just various intimate things. I LOVE it. And now I feel a compelling need to open up more sexually. I shared my recently discovered enjoyment of denial play. She is warming to it, but reluctant saying she doesn’t want to hurt me through blue balls. I have to assure her, that it is nothing like that. However the libido difference remains. I pursue (and I am fine with that), and she often declines. The rejection hurts. What’s worse is the pressure SHE feels from my advances. I don’t want her to feel that. Sure, sometimes it is needed, but it is nearly constant for her presently. I want her to be willing to just say, “not today dear.” And we maybe plan the following day or something. Instead, she feels hurt as well. In digging into this experience of being so into her, I realized how similar it was to men in chastity. It makes sense since I go from release every other day to once a week or less, that my desire for release goes up. However, I lack the emotional connection involved in it with her. I lack my partners support on it to make it an overt part of our intimate life. She loves the extra attention, except for the sexual pressure. I want to be closer to her, to continue to dote on her, but also have my needs met. I think the next stage is a clear discussion. I think it might be time to share a good link I have been reading and see where it goes. https://happy-marriage.neocities.org I don’t want to just dump it on her and expect her to read it. I want to go through it with her and discuss it. Maybe find a version that works for us. That allows my physical needs to be met and… tamed? That I get to dive deeper into her and I feel she is diving into me. I fear a bit. She has said some things are “weird” to her before (like years ago) Like a handjob was “weird” for a time, although she will do it for me now. I would appreciate words of encouragement from folks that have been in similar situations. I would also appreciate any guidance you all might have. Sincerely, I just want to keep growing closer to her. submitted by /u/Shai_Hulu_Hoop [link] [comments]
tldr; Long term marriage. Generally happy, but quite drinking/masturbation and suddenly SUPER into her. Needs aren’t being met well, and I want to discuss chastity play or some variant with her. Need help.
Lengthy post follows:
My wife and I have a big difference in libido. We always have. The marriage has been good, generally. Arguments resolve generally with both of us feeling heart and yelling is uncommon. I am a better man with her in my life. I have made her life better as well. She is a bit vanilla, while I would like to be more adventurous. My high libido was answered by porn and masturbation a few times a week. Sex was once a week at best.
I disturbed the equilibrium by giving up drinking (one a day type) due to my doctor’s directive. It turns out alcohol was my trigger for masturbating. When I don’t masturbate, I suddenly feel so attentive, empathetic, and caring for my wife. Yes, I want to have sex with her more, but really I just wanna treat her like a queen. I think I am back in limerence a bit.
Now, a couple months later we have really dove into intimate discussions about things. Not just sex talk. Just various intimate things. I LOVE it. And now I feel a compelling need to open up more sexually. I shared my recently discovered enjoyment of denial play. She is warming to it, but reluctant saying she doesn’t want to hurt me through blue balls. I have to assure her, that it is nothing like that.
However the libido difference remains. I pursue (and I am fine with that), and she often declines. The rejection hurts. What’s worse is the pressure SHE feels from my advances. I don’t want her to feel that. Sure, sometimes it is needed, but it is nearly constant for her presently. I want her to be willing to just say, “not today dear.” And we maybe plan the following day or something. Instead, she feels hurt as well.
In digging into this experience of being so into her, I realized how similar it was to men in chastity. It makes sense since I go from release every other day to once a week or less, that my desire for release goes up. However, I lack the emotional connection involved in it with her. I lack my partners support on it to make it an overt part of our intimate life. She loves the extra attention, except for the sexual pressure. I want to be closer to her, to continue to dote on her, but also have my needs met.
I think the next stage is a clear discussion. I think it might be time to share a good link I have been reading and see where it goes.
https://happy-marriage.neocities.org
I don’t want to just dump it on her and expect her to read it. I want to go through it with her and discuss it. Maybe find a version that works for us. That allows my physical needs to be met and… tamed? That I get to dive deeper into her and I feel she is diving into me.
I fear a bit. She has said some things are “weird” to her before (like years ago) Like a handjob was “weird” for a time, although she will do it for me now.
I would appreciate words of encouragement from folks that have been in similar situations. I would also appreciate any guidance you all might have. Sincerely, I just want to keep growing closer to her.
submitted by /u/Shai_Hulu_Hoop
[link] [comments]