My shyness is killing my marriage- please help /u/Separate-Presence-30 Sex

I’m a 28-year-old woman from the Middle East, married to a British man who’s 36 and divorced. Coming from a conservative cultural and religious background, I had no intimate experience before my husband, who, by contrast, comes from a more open culture and has already been through marriage.

In our intimate life, he takes the lead and often surprises me with new ideas and techniques, which always amaze me. But for me, it’s a different story. I grew up believing that the man should always initiate, while the woman stays reserved and shy. As a result, I often just go along with whatever he does without contributing much, and this makes me feel guilty—like I’m not putting in any effort or bringing anything new to our relationship.

I even asked him what he likes, and he shared that he’d love it if I took the lead sometimes and acted more controlling. This felt like a big ask for me because I already feel like I’m struggling with the basics. I’ve tried reading and watching things to learn, but when it comes to reality, my shyness always takes over.

Now I worry that he might feel unfulfilled or like I’m not giving back in our relationship. I’ve been thinking—wouldn’t it be great if there was a way to learn and practice in a safe, comfortable space? Like a community or class that could teach me techniques, maybe with tools like dolls or simulations, to build my confidence (and without involving actual people, of course!).

If anyone knows of resources like this, maybe in Newcastle or nearby, I’d love to hear about them.

I’m a 28-year-old woman from the Middle East, married to a British man who’s 36 and divorced. Coming from a conservative cultural and religious background, I had no intimate experience before my husband, who, by contrast, comes from a more open culture and has already been through marriage.

In our intimate life, he takes the lead and often surprises me with new ideas and techniques, which always amaze me. But for me, it’s a different story. I grew up believing that the man should always initiate, while the woman stays reserved and shy. As a result, I often just go along with whatever he does without contributing much, and this makes me feel guilty—like I’m not putting in any effort or bringing anything new to our relationship.

I even asked him what he likes, and he shared that he’d love it if I took the lead sometimes and acted more controlling. This felt like a big ask for me because I already feel like I’m struggling with the basics. I’ve tried reading and watching things to learn, but when it comes to reality, my shyness always takes over.

Now I worry that he might feel unfulfilled or like I’m not giving back in our relationship. I’ve been thinking—wouldn’t it be great if there was a way to learn and practice in a safe, comfortable space? Like a community or class that could teach me techniques, maybe with tools like dolls or simulations, to build my confidence (and without involving actual people, of course!).

If anyone knows of resources like this, maybe in Newcastle or nearby, I’d love to hear about them.