i want to have sex much more than my bf and its causing huge problems in our relationship /u/Individual_Visit4920 Sex

i (21f) have been w my partner (21m) for over two years. before him i had one other boyfriend for two years who i lost my virginity to at 18. before loosing my virginity i experienced numerous instances sex abuse and assault that left me afraid to loose my virginity. these experiences has also left me unable to have sex with men casually, and in instances i have tried have resulted in panic attacks. but once i fell in love with my ex partner and lost my virginity i realised how much i loved sex and wanted to have sex all the time (pretty much every day) but he was not very sexual and did not masturbate often (2-3 times a month) and did not want to have sex very much. he said i only liked sex so much because of the novelty of it, and when that wore off i wouldnt want to have sex much anymore. this was a big problem in our relationship and i did my best to be supportive and non-pressuring but it affected my self esteem and also made me think i was bad at sex or unattractive, and made him feel insecure and pressured. skip to now im in a loving relationship with my now bf who is crazy about me and i am crazy about him too too. we have sex a lot more, 2-3 times a week, but its not enough for me. every night i want to have sex and if we dont i feel awful. i am usually the one to initiate sex and when he turns me down (usually very nicely) i feel so awful i feel like ive been kicked in the chest by a horse, sometimes i cry or have panic attacks. i try very hard to be understanding and non-pressuring, as its more about him WANTING to have sex with me than having the sex itself but it is a problem that persists and only gets worse over time. he has said that even when i try to be nice and understanding he can see in my eyes how hurt i am. we have had open conversations about it many times and he is much more understanding about it than my exbf, but we always come to the conclusion that there is no solution, i cant want to have sex less and he cant want to more. we have tried not having sex for an extended period of time or breaks but that just makes us both unhappy. it became really bad when i lived with him for a short time, and this is when the panic attacks started to get bad. sometimes it makes me feel not close to him and even dissociative, like his touch or presence feels foreign and gross to me. i masturbate sometimes but it is completely different to me and doesnt make the feeling of wanting to have sex to go away. the sex is really good and i make an extra effort to make it good for him. he says its the best sex hes ever had and that im the most beautiful girl in the world and i believe this is how he feels. i hate feeling like this and i hate making him feel like this, i dont want him to feel not good enough for me because he has shown me love in ways i never thought possible and i am so happy in virtually every other aspect of our relationship. i def shldnt be on reddit for this but im honestly at a loss, i hate feeling like this and i really dont want to loose my boyfriend but this is a huge persistent problem in our relationship. i want to understand why i feel like this, how to work on it and how to work on our relationship. thank you so much for reading all this! have a great day<3

i (21f) have been w my partner (21m) for over two years. before him i had one other boyfriend for two years who i lost my virginity to at 18. before loosing my virginity i experienced numerous instances sex abuse and assault that left me afraid to loose my virginity. these experiences has also left me unable to have sex with men casually, and in instances i have tried have resulted in panic attacks. but once i fell in love with my ex partner and lost my virginity i realised how much i loved sex and wanted to have sex all the time (pretty much every day) but he was not very sexual and did not masturbate often (2-3 times a month) and did not want to have sex very much. he said i only liked sex so much because of the novelty of it, and when that wore off i wouldnt want to have sex much anymore. this was a big problem in our relationship and i did my best to be supportive and non-pressuring but it affected my self esteem and also made me think i was bad at sex or unattractive, and made him feel insecure and pressured. skip to now im in a loving relationship with my now bf who is crazy about me and i am crazy about him too too. we have sex a lot more, 2-3 times a week, but its not enough for me. every night i want to have sex and if we dont i feel awful. i am usually the one to initiate sex and when he turns me down (usually very nicely) i feel so awful i feel like ive been kicked in the chest by a horse, sometimes i cry or have panic attacks. i try very hard to be understanding and non-pressuring, as its more about him WANTING to have sex with me than having the sex itself but it is a problem that persists and only gets worse over time. he has said that even when i try to be nice and understanding he can see in my eyes how hurt i am. we have had open conversations about it many times and he is much more understanding about it than my exbf, but we always come to the conclusion that there is no solution, i cant want to have sex less and he cant want to more. we have tried not having sex for an extended period of time or breaks but that just makes us both unhappy. it became really bad when i lived with him for a short time, and this is when the panic attacks started to get bad. sometimes it makes me feel not close to him and even dissociative, like his touch or presence feels foreign and gross to me. i masturbate sometimes but it is completely different to me and doesnt make the feeling of wanting to have sex to go away. the sex is really good and i make an extra effort to make it good for him. he says its the best sex hes ever had and that im the most beautiful girl in the world and i believe this is how he feels. i hate feeling like this and i hate making him feel like this, i dont want him to feel not good enough for me because he has shown me love in ways i never thought possible and i am so happy in virtually every other aspect of our relationship. i def shldnt be on reddit for this but im honestly at a loss, i hate feeling like this and i really dont want to loose my boyfriend but this is a huge persistent problem in our relationship. i want to understand why i feel like this, how to work on it and how to work on our relationship. thank you so much for reading all this! have a great day<3