Am I Being Passive Aggressive by Asking My Husband to Sacrifice Sundays for Family Time? /u/noble_therapist No such thing as stupid questions

I could really use some outside perspective here. My husband and I both work long hours and have a three year old.

He is a musician who on a weekly basis attends: two band rehearsals, open mic night and practices music in his home studio after work typically throughout the night for hours on end. He goes to an open mic night every Sunday evening, even though our marriage is struggling, and we’ve agreed to prioritize quality time together. I’ve asked him to sacrifice Sundays for a family day instead, but I’m concerned that my approach might seem passive-aggressive—or that my request might not be fair.

Sometimes I ask him if he can make a few sacrifices in order to help rebuild the relationship and meet me half way. I’m worried that the way I ask might come off as passive-aggressive. I’ll say “I wish you could stay home with us and give up open mic night so often.” Or “Are you able to stay home tonight or leave when the baby is sleep because I have to wake up for work @3am”

I understand music is his passion, but I feel like I’m left hoping for time together that rarely happens.

Am I being passive-aggressive in how I approach these situations? Or am I asking for something reasonable? I’d appreciate your honest opinions.

EDIT: My husband says music is his second job. He has a gig once or twice a month for about $400 total. He says he does music to provide for the family and it’s been his passion since he was a little boy. It just saddens me that he spends over 20 hours a week on music and maybe total 2-3 hours with me total as both of our work schedules are very busy. He is a barber 9am-6pm and a musician 7pm- 11pm I work in healthcare 4am-2:30pm 3-4 days a week and also a graduate student

I could really use some outside perspective here. My husband and I both work long hours and have a three year old.

He is a musician who on a weekly basis attends: two band rehearsals, open mic night and practices music in his home studio after work typically throughout the night for hours on end. He goes to an open mic night every Sunday evening, even though our marriage is struggling, and we’ve agreed to prioritize quality time together. I’ve asked him to sacrifice Sundays for a family day instead, but I’m concerned that my approach might seem passive-aggressive—or that my request might not be fair.

Sometimes I ask him if he can make a few sacrifices in order to help rebuild the relationship and meet me half way. I’m worried that the way I ask might come off as passive-aggressive. I’ll say “I wish you could stay home with us and give up open mic night so often.” Or “Are you able to stay home tonight or leave when the baby is sleep because I have to wake up for work @3am”

I understand music is his passion, but I feel like I’m left hoping for time together that rarely happens.

Am I being passive-aggressive in how I approach these situations? Or am I asking for something reasonable? I’d appreciate your honest opinions.

EDIT: My husband says music is his second job. He has a gig once or twice a month for about $400 total. He says he does music to provide for the family and it’s been his passion since he was a little boy. It just saddens me that he spends over 20 hours a week on music and maybe total 2-3 hours with me total as both of our work schedules are very busy. He is a barber 9am-6pm and a musician 7pm- 11pm I work in healthcare 4am-2:30pm 3-4 days a week and also a graduate student