My 1st and only partner never gives me head, but says he enjoys it. Is something wrong with me? /u/ThrowRANegative-Gold Sex

I 27F have been with my partner (32m) since July 2022.

Don’t make fun of me now! I had experienced a lot of abandonment and rejection at a very young age, and that sort of threw me into a fear of sex and dating because of the idea that people simply don’t work out. I avoided it like the plague 🤣 I went on some dates and had some kisses here and there, but all that to say he’s my first boyfriend and I lost my virginity to him when I was 24. He had already been with 11 women at this point and MUCH more experienced than me. No judgement to any other lifestyle, I just knew that I was ready and he was somebody I felt safe enough with to be vulnerable in this way.

Anyways, when we first started dating, talking about sexual boundaries etc he told me how he doesn’t really enjoy receiving head as much as he enjoys giving it. Either he lied or I changed his mind real quick lol. In our 3 years of having sex he has given me head 4 times. I give him head everrrryyy single time we have sex, and sometimes the party popper goes off early and we don’t even have sex lol. He very very much enjoys receiving.

Here are where my questions and hesitations are: (Before anybody asks if I’ve tried talking to him about this, yes. many times.. at this point we’re both broken records)

• I have a high sex drive. I was aware of this before we even started dating. I have never had an orgasm from sex, or from his help in that matter, so I got a couple sex toys for us to use when I realized he’s probably never going to touch me. I ask him to use it on me while I’m giving him head or after sex and he says no. His reason is because I bought it for me to use. I tried explaining to him it would be sort of silly of me to even ask if he prefers a blowjob from me or a handjob on the toilet before sex just to get him to understand that it’s better from your partner but he doesn’t see it the same way. It makes me feel like I’m undesirable or gross that for some reason he doesn’t want to touch me.

• I am a full figured woman, 5’8” and size 16/18 depending on the store. I’m bigger but not like I can’t walk up our 3 flights of stairs, go on hikes with my dog etc. I’ve asked him if I’m too big or if it’s gross to give head to a thicker woman and he says absolutely not. I take care of myself and I am overly sensitive of smells. I definitely for sure know I don’t smell bad when we have sex. I’ve asked him if I taste bad, smell bad, if it’s ugly, always gives me a ‘you’re way too insecure and silly for thinking this’ answer. But he doesn’t even finger me or use toys on me. I literally searched up photos of vaginas just to compare mine to make sure I was pleasant to look at even 😭

• he refuses to have sex in any other position other than me being on top. He’ll quit sex over switching positions. In the times I’ve been given head other than the 1st time, we were 69ing and he was drunk. I’m a bigger girl, 69 feels like a big no for me because I’m insecure about my weight. I did it anyways but I didn’t enjoy it necessarily. I should say I also have not ever turned 69 down when he offers it.

To be honest over the last few years this has kind of killed my sex drive. I enjoyed sex and love him, but at a point I don’t want to choke on a dick and then work my legs and ass anymore just for me to have to ask to be touched for the answer to be no.

He tells me his main reason for all of this is that he doesn’t know how to touch a woman. He’s been with 11 women and I have been with 1 man – him. But I learned what he likes and how to make him come. What’s the issue with me?? He cheated on me physically while struggling with alcohol once that I know of. Somebody please be truthful but kind. I’m not out here begging for head but when he’s never really wanted to touch me besides our first couple months of dating, what is wrong with me??

I would like a mans and woman’s perspective. If you’re the man here, why does he act like this? What would be in my control that I can change? Or is he just not attracted me to sexually and can’t tell me? Besides sex I have questioned if he loves me or if I’m more of a convenience for him so this doesn’t help lol.

I 27F have been with my partner (32m) since July 2022.

Don’t make fun of me now! I had experienced a lot of abandonment and rejection at a very young age, and that sort of threw me into a fear of sex and dating because of the idea that people simply don’t work out. I avoided it like the plague 🤣 I went on some dates and had some kisses here and there, but all that to say he’s my first boyfriend and I lost my virginity to him when I was 24. He had already been with 11 women at this point and MUCH more experienced than me. No judgement to any other lifestyle, I just knew that I was ready and he was somebody I felt safe enough with to be vulnerable in this way.

Anyways, when we first started dating, talking about sexual boundaries etc he told me how he doesn’t really enjoy receiving head as much as he enjoys giving it. Either he lied or I changed his mind real quick lol. In our 3 years of having sex he has given me head 4 times. I give him head everrrryyy single time we have sex, and sometimes the party popper goes off early and we don’t even have sex lol. He very very much enjoys receiving.

Here are where my questions and hesitations are: (Before anybody asks if I’ve tried talking to him about this, yes. many times.. at this point we’re both broken records)

• I have a high sex drive. I was aware of this before we even started dating. I have never had an orgasm from sex, or from his help in that matter, so I got a couple sex toys for us to use when I realized he’s probably never going to touch me. I ask him to use it on me while I’m giving him head or after sex and he says no. His reason is because I bought it for me to use. I tried explaining to him it would be sort of silly of me to even ask if he prefers a blowjob from me or a handjob on the toilet before sex just to get him to understand that it’s better from your partner but he doesn’t see it the same way. It makes me feel like I’m undesirable or gross that for some reason he doesn’t want to touch me.

• I am a full figured woman, 5’8” and size 16/18 depending on the store. I’m bigger but not like I can’t walk up our 3 flights of stairs, go on hikes with my dog etc. I’ve asked him if I’m too big or if it’s gross to give head to a thicker woman and he says absolutely not. I take care of myself and I am overly sensitive of smells. I definitely for sure know I don’t smell bad when we have sex. I’ve asked him if I taste bad, smell bad, if it’s ugly, always gives me a ‘you’re way too insecure and silly for thinking this’ answer. But he doesn’t even finger me or use toys on me. I literally searched up photos of vaginas just to compare mine to make sure I was pleasant to look at even 😭

• he refuses to have sex in any other position other than me being on top. He’ll quit sex over switching positions. In the times I’ve been given head other than the 1st time, we were 69ing and he was drunk. I’m a bigger girl, 69 feels like a big no for me because I’m insecure about my weight. I did it anyways but I didn’t enjoy it necessarily. I should say I also have not ever turned 69 down when he offers it.

To be honest over the last few years this has kind of killed my sex drive. I enjoyed sex and love him, but at a point I don’t want to choke on a dick and then work my legs and ass anymore just for me to have to ask to be touched for the answer to be no.

He tells me his main reason for all of this is that he doesn’t know how to touch a woman. He’s been with 11 women and I have been with 1 man – him. But I learned what he likes and how to make him come. What’s the issue with me?? He cheated on me physically while struggling with alcohol once that I know of. Somebody please be truthful but kind. I’m not out here begging for head but when he’s never really wanted to touch me besides our first couple months of dating, what is wrong with me??

I would like a mans and woman’s perspective. If you’re the man here, why does he act like this? What would be in my control that I can change? Or is he just not attracted me to sexually and can’t tell me? Besides sex I have questioned if he loves me or if I’m more of a convenience for him so this doesn’t help lol.