I am finally having sex with my living fantasy and it is… underwhelming /u/Necessary_Bug_772 Sex

Throwaway account. Also I apologies for any mistakes as English is not my mothertongue.

I (29 F) have had a crush on one of my best friends (29 M) (let’s call him Adam) for three years. For a very long time nothing happened between us because we were both in committed relationships and have always been respectful of these boundaries. But truthfully I have never been as attracted to anyone as I have been to him. It is just pure chemestry. He is incredibly handsome, charismatic, physically 100% my type, and mentally, we just click—hence our long friendship.

About a year ago, Adam broke up with his girlfriend, and a few months ago, I also ended my relationship (for reasons completely unrelated to Adam). Adam and I didn’t see each other for a while after my breakup because he was out of the country, and during that time, I had quite a lot of sex with situationships and one night stands, which were generally great.

When Adam and I finally saw each other again four months ago, things quickly escalated. I was thrilled—this was the guy I had been fantasizing about for years !!!!!!

BUT here’s where it gets complicated: Adam is 6’2″ (1.90m), but his penis is quite small and thin. I don’t usually care about size, but I find girth quite important. The first several times we tried having sex, he couldn’t maintain an erection long enough to put it in. He explained it was because he was nervous and it didn’t bother me at all (I even found it flattering). Eventually, we managed, but the sex is… underwhelming to say the least. His erections are always a bit soft, like not really fully hard, and I LITERALLY can’t feel anything. I’m pretty sure I would have more sensations trying to finger myself with my pinky. Like I will just not be able to tell whether it in or not. It’s just so… small and soft ? It is a bit better in doggystyle but barely. On top of that, he finishes very quickly (20–30 seconds max). I gave it some time but months later it is still the same issue.

He is not selfish though and after he comes he will finger me or give me heads (which he is quite good at) but the whole experience is just so underwelming that I am usually just not turned on anymore. While I really envoy forplays, PiV sex is usually my favorite part and I like it rough. I just don’t see myself in a (sexual) relationship without PiV sex even if the rest is amazing.

He is also adventurous and we’ve done some wild things, like having sex at a swinger’s club (no partner swapping, just the two of us in front of people). The context was insanely hot and I was super turned on, but the issue is always the same : I just don’t feel much.

A few weeks ago, I told him we should stick to being friends. I framed it as not wanting to complicate our friendship, but honestly, the lack of physical sensation is the real reason. Despite this, we still hang out often (same friend group), and oh my God, HE IS SO ATTRACTIVE. I get turned on just looking at him, and we usually end up kissing and cuddling but I try to avoid having sex with him because I know I’ll end up disappointed.

I don’t really know what i’m looking for writting of this. I guess I just want to know if anyone has been in the same situation ? Should I give up or still try to find a solution ?

Throwaway account. Also I apologies for any mistakes as English is not my mothertongue.

I (29 F) have had a crush on one of my best friends (29 M) (let’s call him Adam) for three years. For a very long time nothing happened between us because we were both in committed relationships and have always been respectful of these boundaries. But truthfully I have never been as attracted to anyone as I have been to him. It is just pure chemestry. He is incredibly handsome, charismatic, physically 100% my type, and mentally, we just click—hence our long friendship.

About a year ago, Adam broke up with his girlfriend, and a few months ago, I also ended my relationship (for reasons completely unrelated to Adam). Adam and I didn’t see each other for a while after my breakup because he was out of the country, and during that time, I had quite a lot of sex with situationships and one night stands, which were generally great.

When Adam and I finally saw each other again four months ago, things quickly escalated. I was thrilled—this was the guy I had been fantasizing about for years !!!!!!

BUT here’s where it gets complicated: Adam is 6’2″ (1.90m), but his penis is quite small and thin. I don’t usually care about size, but I find girth quite important. The first several times we tried having sex, he couldn’t maintain an erection long enough to put it in. He explained it was because he was nervous and it didn’t bother me at all (I even found it flattering). Eventually, we managed, but the sex is… underwhelming to say the least. His erections are always a bit soft, like not really fully hard, and I LITERALLY can’t feel anything. I’m pretty sure I would have more sensations trying to finger myself with my pinky. Like I will just not be able to tell whether it in or not. It’s just so… small and soft ? It is a bit better in doggystyle but barely. On top of that, he finishes very quickly (20–30 seconds max). I gave it some time but months later it is still the same issue.

He is not selfish though and after he comes he will finger me or give me heads (which he is quite good at) but the whole experience is just so underwelming that I am usually just not turned on anymore. While I really envoy forplays, PiV sex is usually my favorite part and I like it rough. I just don’t see myself in a (sexual) relationship without PiV sex even if the rest is amazing.

He is also adventurous and we’ve done some wild things, like having sex at a swinger’s club (no partner swapping, just the two of us in front of people). The context was insanely hot and I was super turned on, but the issue is always the same : I just don’t feel much.

A few weeks ago, I told him we should stick to being friends. I framed it as not wanting to complicate our friendship, but honestly, the lack of physical sensation is the real reason. Despite this, we still hang out often (same friend group), and oh my God, HE IS SO ATTRACTIVE. I get turned on just looking at him, and we usually end up kissing and cuddling but I try to avoid having sex with him because I know I’ll end up disappointed.

I don’t really know what i’m looking for writting of this. I guess I just want to know if anyone has been in the same situation ? Should I give up or still try to find a solution ?