Potential death grip syndrom ruins both our orgasms? /u/anonymous-3738 Sex

My boyfriend (35) and I (30F) have problems reaching orgasm and we are both becoming increasingly frustrated in the past few weeks.

About my experiences: I usually only orgasm when I’m on top. In my last relationship, I was able to come in the missionary position all the time and I really enjoyed it. My ex always told me, that I have a unique strong pelvic floor muscle which makes him come very easily. We often came together, which was a big factor for my orgasm. In my current relationship, it’s much more difficult and I usually only come when I’m on top. My boyfriend is frustrated because of this, he doesn’t feel like an active part. I’m very attracted to him and he tries to do everything I wish for, which brought a lot of pressure to orgasm on me on top. But I think I’ve found a possible reason why it’s so different compared to my ex-boyfriend, which could correlate with his problems.

About him: Most of the time my boyfriend can’t come during PIV. He told me he has this problem since he can remember and it’s psychological. He still enjoys PIV, especially if I come. He always has an orgasm when I give him a handjob and he loves it. His penis gets much stiffer than when it’s in my vagina. The grip has to be quite hard and I have to go very fast. I think he has sort of a death grip syndrom and I think this is one cause of both our orgasm problems. Everytime I give him a handjob and we switch to PIV, I start to feel it a lot more and I love it.

I never told him, that I think I can’t come because he isn’t stiff enough. But I tried to suggest that we could skip the handjob for a short time or do it less intensively, so he could come more often via PIV. He was hurt and got emotional, said I wanted to deprive him of the orgasm and he didn’t think it would help. He would know his body much better, knows that he has orgasm problems and I would weaken his self-confidence even more with things I have read on the internet. I tried to bring it up again a couple of times but he blocks it off and it gets worse.

I guess right now it’s more a conversation problem which we have to fix, but does anyone have suggestions how I could vary the handjob, without depriving his orgasm?

My boyfriend (35) and I (30F) have problems reaching orgasm and we are both becoming increasingly frustrated in the past few weeks.

About my experiences: I usually only orgasm when I’m on top. In my last relationship, I was able to come in the missionary position all the time and I really enjoyed it. My ex always told me, that I have a unique strong pelvic floor muscle which makes him come very easily. We often came together, which was a big factor for my orgasm. In my current relationship, it’s much more difficult and I usually only come when I’m on top. My boyfriend is frustrated because of this, he doesn’t feel like an active part. I’m very attracted to him and he tries to do everything I wish for, which brought a lot of pressure to orgasm on me on top. But I think I’ve found a possible reason why it’s so different compared to my ex-boyfriend, which could correlate with his problems.

About him: Most of the time my boyfriend can’t come during PIV. He told me he has this problem since he can remember and it’s psychological. He still enjoys PIV, especially if I come. He always has an orgasm when I give him a handjob and he loves it. His penis gets much stiffer than when it’s in my vagina. The grip has to be quite hard and I have to go very fast. I think he has sort of a death grip syndrom and I think this is one cause of both our orgasm problems. Everytime I give him a handjob and we switch to PIV, I start to feel it a lot more and I love it.

I never told him, that I think I can’t come because he isn’t stiff enough. But I tried to suggest that we could skip the handjob for a short time or do it less intensively, so he could come more often via PIV. He was hurt and got emotional, said I wanted to deprive him of the orgasm and he didn’t think it would help. He would know his body much better, knows that he has orgasm problems and I would weaken his self-confidence even more with things I have read on the internet. I tried to bring it up again a couple of times but he blocks it off and it gets worse.

I guess right now it’s more a conversation problem which we have to fix, but does anyone have suggestions how I could vary the handjob, without depriving his orgasm?