Mental blocks with sex and intimacy? /u/AhtygeRomka889 Sex

I, 23F, have been struggling with something for approximately 4 years. I’ve had relationships before and they have all ended basically for the same reason- I have immense issues with my libido and some harmful sexual behaviors.

I first noticed the warning signs during my first relationship. All was good until ~10months into my relationship, I started to reject sex and anything sexual. I still felt horny and all that, but when It came to action I just couldn’t bring myself to it. I’ve cried many times during sex, because I felt I just didn’t want it. I had to be drunk in order to get into it at all, like numbing my brain into it. All the while I still masturbated whenever I felt like it, absolutely no issues with that. After a while I broke up the relationship, because I just couldn’t put myself through that for any longer. Now I thought maybe it was something to do with the person I was with. I could not be more wrong.

During my second relationship, I thought it was all good. Nope, same thing, even from the very beginning. The sexual tension was there, but I couldn’t bring myself to it. It was like, I was ready and felt like a good step forward but it just made me feel anxious.

To be noted, I was a horrible communicator during both these relationships. I felt if I talked about this issue, I would be rejected. So I just kept silent and got drunk anytime I knew it would happen.

Now to this day. I am seeing someone and we have great chemistry and I really really see this going forward. If it wasn’t for my issues. We have had sex and the first time was amazing. But again, I was feeling like I had to have at least a little bit of alcohol before doing it. The morning after, I was again in the mood but it was like something was stopping me from actually allowing it to go forward. Like a mental block or something. I am actually at loss and I don’t want to lose this relationship because of my issues. I have briefly mentioned these issues to him, but nothing in depth.

Any and all advice and brainstorming is more than welcome.

I, 23F, have been struggling with something for approximately 4 years. I’ve had relationships before and they have all ended basically for the same reason- I have immense issues with my libido and some harmful sexual behaviors.

I first noticed the warning signs during my first relationship. All was good until ~10months into my relationship, I started to reject sex and anything sexual. I still felt horny and all that, but when It came to action I just couldn’t bring myself to it. I’ve cried many times during sex, because I felt I just didn’t want it. I had to be drunk in order to get into it at all, like numbing my brain into it. All the while I still masturbated whenever I felt like it, absolutely no issues with that. After a while I broke up the relationship, because I just couldn’t put myself through that for any longer. Now I thought maybe it was something to do with the person I was with. I could not be more wrong.

During my second relationship, I thought it was all good. Nope, same thing, even from the very beginning. The sexual tension was there, but I couldn’t bring myself to it. It was like, I was ready and felt like a good step forward but it just made me feel anxious.

To be noted, I was a horrible communicator during both these relationships. I felt if I talked about this issue, I would be rejected. So I just kept silent and got drunk anytime I knew it would happen.

Now to this day. I am seeing someone and we have great chemistry and I really really see this going forward. If it wasn’t for my issues. We have had sex and the first time was amazing. But again, I was feeling like I had to have at least a little bit of alcohol before doing it. The morning after, I was again in the mood but it was like something was stopping me from actually allowing it to go forward. Like a mental block or something. I am actually at loss and I don’t want to lose this relationship because of my issues. I have briefly mentioned these issues to him, but nothing in depth.

Any and all advice and brainstorming is more than welcome.