My boyfriend thinks I’m not sexually attracted to him because of our failed attempts at sex /u/WeebaboWeekeeshi Sex

It’s both me (23F) and my boyfriend’s (23M) first time in a relationship. Its almost a year since we have been together, and we have never had sex.

We tried twice and failed. When we try, I’m met with pain and my body curls up involuntarily. The second time he prepared really well, with lube and everything but I got extremely stressed at the end where I couldn’t even get wet anymore.

The second time was also our last chance, before he left the country and we are doing ldr rn. I didn’t think much of it before, but he recently expressed how bothered he was by it. I tried talking about what happened that day because we were both feeling down and anxious. Other than the penetration part, I always thought we have had good sexual chemistry.

We argued about this last night again. He communicated to me that he feels like I am not sexually attracted to him because he felt like I pushed him away and was getting dry.

One of the issues I can think of is my hymen- which covers most of my vaginal opening- even tho it has been torn apart about 40% when we tried putting it in the second time. I also have never had any positive sexual encounters before him, not even my first kiss. I was m*lested as a child and, I suspect I have a lot of sexual trauma as well as a lot of sexual repression and shame from my teen years.

I’m in a lot of dilemma. I tried telling him that I actually am, in fact, sexually attracted to him. I was scared of the pain that was caused and I also wasn’t able to control my body rejecting him. I couldn’t seem to relax and become stiff. It was like my body going against what I really wanted.

I talked to my girl friends about it, and they all had similar issues for their first times. I know my experience is not rare. It sucks because I really like him and want this relationship to work, and he has also expressed the same so far, but acts like we will keep having a sexless relationship. What do I do? What am I doing wrong? It’s even worse because we are doing ldr.

It’s both me (23F) and my boyfriend’s (23M) first time in a relationship. Its almost a year since we have been together, and we have never had sex.

We tried twice and failed. When we try, I’m met with pain and my body curls up involuntarily. The second time he prepared really well, with lube and everything but I got extremely stressed at the end where I couldn’t even get wet anymore.

The second time was also our last chance, before he left the country and we are doing ldr rn. I didn’t think much of it before, but he recently expressed how bothered he was by it. I tried talking about what happened that day because we were both feeling down and anxious. Other than the penetration part, I always thought we have had good sexual chemistry.

We argued about this last night again. He communicated to me that he feels like I am not sexually attracted to him because he felt like I pushed him away and was getting dry.

One of the issues I can think of is my hymen- which covers most of my vaginal opening- even tho it has been torn apart about 40% when we tried putting it in the second time. I also have never had any positive sexual encounters before him, not even my first kiss. I was m*lested as a child and, I suspect I have a lot of sexual trauma as well as a lot of sexual repression and shame from my teen years.

I’m in a lot of dilemma. I tried telling him that I actually am, in fact, sexually attracted to him. I was scared of the pain that was caused and I also wasn’t able to control my body rejecting him. I couldn’t seem to relax and become stiff. It was like my body going against what I really wanted.

I talked to my girl friends about it, and they all had similar issues for their first times. I know my experience is not rare. It sucks because I really like him and want this relationship to work, and he has also expressed the same so far, but acts like we will keep having a sexless relationship. What do I do? What am I doing wrong? It’s even worse because we are doing ldr.