How do I get over feelings of shame and failure? /u/Sweet_Day_4561 CSCQ protests reddit

This post may sound like whining about not getting more despite being given a lot in life. That’s not my intent, I feel that I have been given a lot, but in spite of this have failed in many places.

Majored in CS at an Ivy, could not wrap my head around DSA so I failed many interviews (including Apple three times). Finally landed a role at Amazon where I am not doing well. Because of my declining neurological state (I feel like I have dementia) I made several mistakes and nearly got pipped. Been there for a year and a half and I want to move to greener pastures, but studying DSA is difficult so this will take a while.

I sometimes look up old classmates – people who I mentored, people who I thought were unremarkable, people who didn’t go to my school – and they’re all at “better” companies than me. On top of that I’m a relatively old student due to getting a Master’s and taking time off in the middle of school for health issues. So I feel like I’m very behind everyone else my age.

I know that relatively speaking I’m doing better than a lot of people. But that doesn’t excuse my own failures. And my frame of reference isn’t CS grads as a whole, it’s just my peers. It’s not about wanting more, it’s about me not being good enough.

How do I atone and get over these feelings of shame and failure? I was so burnt out I booked a four week vacation to just sit at home and catch my breath, so I have a lot of time to think.

This post may sound like whining about not getting more despite being given a lot in life. That’s not my intent, I feel that I have been given a lot, but in spite of this have failed in many places.

Majored in CS at an Ivy, could not wrap my head around DSA so I failed many interviews (including Apple three times). Finally landed a role at Amazon where I am not doing well. Because of my declining neurological state (I feel like I have dementia) I made several mistakes and nearly got pipped. Been there for a year and a half and I want to move to greener pastures, but studying DSA is difficult so this will take a while.

I sometimes look up old classmates – people who I mentored, people who I thought were unremarkable, people who didn’t go to my school – and they’re all at “better” companies than me. On top of that I’m a relatively old student due to getting a Master’s and taking time off in the middle of school for health issues. So I feel like I’m very behind everyone else my age.

I know that relatively speaking I’m doing better than a lot of people. But that doesn’t excuse my own failures. And my frame of reference isn’t CS grads as a whole, it’s just my peers. It’s not about wanting more, it’s about me not being good enough.

How do I atone and get over these feelings of shame and failure? I was so burnt out I booked a four week vacation to just sit at home and catch my breath, so I have a lot of time to think.