Struggling with lower libido, but only for myself. /u/Dramatic_Dragon3102 Sex

Title probably sounds confusing, wasn’t sure how else to word it, so it’ll make sense once I explain my issue;

My husband and I have been together for 3 years. The first 2 years, my libido (high) matched his. We were everyday, if not multiple times a day people. We still truthfully are intimate every day still. Just not always sex. The last year or so, mine has dropped. But only for my desire to be touched. I am insanely attracted to my husband. I will give him head whenever he asks. In fact, even when I wasn’t having this dilemma, he always loved the fact I got more aroused from touching him or giving him head prior to sex than targeted foreplay for me. I 100% of the time am just as horny for him as I was at the beginning. But now there’s a lot of time where I don’t want to have sex or be touched myself? Or a crossover where I’m even down for and very much so enjoy sex, but I have no interest in finishing. I’m enjoying the sex for the purpose of him getting off. To be clear, he has never forced intimacy on me, nor have I forced myself if I don’t want to. It’s like my libido went from high all over, to selective. I want to say it hormones but it’s weird because it’s like I do have a libido still. Has anyone dealt with this? It fluctuates, there’s weeks sometimes where I’m back to “normal” and then it starts up again.

Now before assumptions start few clarifying things; Intimacy with my husband has always been good, he always listens to me, adjusts as needed, etc. Our non sexual intimacy has also always been good. That man is my best friend and there should be no reason I have an aversion to touch/sex randomly. Just to be clear that I’ve crossed him off as a possible reason. But I know regardless of how I’ve explained this to him, it does bother him I have a noticeable less interest in sex than I did at the start. I know this, because it bothers the fuck out of me. I hate it. It helps that I’m clearly still very sexually interested in him. But like me, at lot of what he gets out of intimacy is touching me.

I’m on the mini-pill birth control. I have been for 2 years. I know I should see a doctor/gyno and I’m planning to. But I wanted to start here to possibly have an idea of what to ask/get checked when I do go in.

I have a small history of COCSA with my older brother. I was around 8 and he was 10. My brother and I have healed, and it wasn’t anything “serious.” (What I mean by ‘serious’ is, neither he nor I knew what the acts we were doing really were. And I had “consented” at the time, but at 8y/o I didn’t understand what we were really doing) But I feel as if, if this was a factor I should’ve had issues with my sexuality ever since the events occurred. Not at 23, 2 years into a healthy and happy relationship. But perhaps there’s psychology here I’m unaware of. Which is why I’m including this. I did carry a lot of guilt from around 10ish (when I was old enough to understand what was wrong about what happened between us) until 16 or so.

TLDR: My high libido has turned to “selective” after 3 years with my husband. Im always horny and down to touch and get him off. But not always for myself. Not sure how to “fix” this or what would even cause it. It feels odd since it’s not just a blanket lowering of my libido.

Title probably sounds confusing, wasn’t sure how else to word it, so it’ll make sense once I explain my issue;

My husband and I have been together for 3 years. The first 2 years, my libido (high) matched his. We were everyday, if not multiple times a day people. We still truthfully are intimate every day still. Just not always sex. The last year or so, mine has dropped. But only for my desire to be touched. I am insanely attracted to my husband. I will give him head whenever he asks. In fact, even when I wasn’t having this dilemma, he always loved the fact I got more aroused from touching him or giving him head prior to sex than targeted foreplay for me. I 100% of the time am just as horny for him as I was at the beginning. But now there’s a lot of time where I don’t want to have sex or be touched myself? Or a crossover where I’m even down for and very much so enjoy sex, but I have no interest in finishing. I’m enjoying the sex for the purpose of him getting off. To be clear, he has never forced intimacy on me, nor have I forced myself if I don’t want to. It’s like my libido went from high all over, to selective. I want to say it hormones but it’s weird because it’s like I do have a libido still. Has anyone dealt with this? It fluctuates, there’s weeks sometimes where I’m back to “normal” and then it starts up again.

Now before assumptions start few clarifying things; Intimacy with my husband has always been good, he always listens to me, adjusts as needed, etc. Our non sexual intimacy has also always been good. That man is my best friend and there should be no reason I have an aversion to touch/sex randomly. Just to be clear that I’ve crossed him off as a possible reason. But I know regardless of how I’ve explained this to him, it does bother him I have a noticeable less interest in sex than I did at the start. I know this, because it bothers the fuck out of me. I hate it. It helps that I’m clearly still very sexually interested in him. But like me, at lot of what he gets out of intimacy is touching me.

I’m on the mini-pill birth control. I have been for 2 years. I know I should see a doctor/gyno and I’m planning to. But I wanted to start here to possibly have an idea of what to ask/get checked when I do go in.

I have a small history of COCSA with my older brother. I was around 8 and he was 10. My brother and I have healed, and it wasn’t anything “serious.” (What I mean by ‘serious’ is, neither he nor I knew what the acts we were doing really were. And I had “consented” at the time, but at 8y/o I didn’t understand what we were really doing) But I feel as if, if this was a factor I should’ve had issues with my sexuality ever since the events occurred. Not at 23, 2 years into a healthy and happy relationship. But perhaps there’s psychology here I’m unaware of. Which is why I’m including this. I did carry a lot of guilt from around 10ish (when I was old enough to understand what was wrong about what happened between us) until 16 or so.

TLDR: My high libido has turned to “selective” after 3 years with my husband. Im always horny and down to touch and get him off. But not always for myself. Not sure how to “fix” this or what would even cause it. It feels odd since it’s not just a blanket lowering of my libido.