Unsure of how to word this /u/NaiveGuidance Sex

This is my first time posting here, mostly because I wasn’t sure how to put what I’m feeling into words for a long time. Bear with me if my wording isn’t the greatest.

For context, I am a black trans woman and I’m slightly on the heavy side. I often feel like when people approach me for intimacy, it’s solely based on one or all of these things. I’m the first to admit I’ve had troubles with my self image over the years, but I’m at a place now where I feel like I have a healthy relationship with myself and how I view myself. Still, it’s disheartening when I’m essentially reduced to satisfying someone’s fetish.

For my race, of course there’s the stereotype that comes with that. I have chosen not to have bottom surgery because there’s a lot of possible complications, and I state this on all of my profiles because I don’t want it to come as a shock later on. I can’t tell you how many messages I get asking if it’s true what they say about Black dicks. I don’t know if some people find it flattering, but I get zero satisfaction from a stranger telling me all this aggressive sexual stuff they want to do to me/me to do to them because they assume all Black people have massive dicks that we love dominating white people with.

As far as me being trans, it’s exactly what you would expect. It’s hard for me to put into words but trans fetishization is one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever personally dealt with. Between having to explain what trans means like I’m talking to a five year old, answering stupid ass questions that don’t even make any sense, or people assuming I’m a prostitute simply because I’m trans, it almost makes me wish I wasn’t. Or at least didn’t tell people.

I spent a lot of time not being firm in my boundaries because I was a people pleaser, but I’m at a point now where I can’t put up with it anymore. It would just be nice for once to be seen as more than just these things, and instead as a whole person with many attractive qualities.

I don’t know if this made sense, but I just needed to get it out. If you’ve read this far, thank you for listening.

This is my first time posting here, mostly because I wasn’t sure how to put what I’m feeling into words for a long time. Bear with me if my wording isn’t the greatest.

For context, I am a black trans woman and I’m slightly on the heavy side. I often feel like when people approach me for intimacy, it’s solely based on one or all of these things. I’m the first to admit I’ve had troubles with my self image over the years, but I’m at a place now where I feel like I have a healthy relationship with myself and how I view myself. Still, it’s disheartening when I’m essentially reduced to satisfying someone’s fetish.

For my race, of course there’s the stereotype that comes with that. I have chosen not to have bottom surgery because there’s a lot of possible complications, and I state this on all of my profiles because I don’t want it to come as a shock later on. I can’t tell you how many messages I get asking if it’s true what they say about Black dicks. I don’t know if some people find it flattering, but I get zero satisfaction from a stranger telling me all this aggressive sexual stuff they want to do to me/me to do to them because they assume all Black people have massive dicks that we love dominating white people with.

As far as me being trans, it’s exactly what you would expect. It’s hard for me to put into words but trans fetishization is one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever personally dealt with. Between having to explain what trans means like I’m talking to a five year old, answering stupid ass questions that don’t even make any sense, or people assuming I’m a prostitute simply because I’m trans, it almost makes me wish I wasn’t. Or at least didn’t tell people.

I spent a lot of time not being firm in my boundaries because I was a people pleaser, but I’m at a point now where I can’t put up with it anymore. It would just be nice for once to be seen as more than just these things, and instead as a whole person with many attractive qualities.

I don’t know if this made sense, but I just needed to get it out. If you’ve read this far, thank you for listening.