I want to experience “real” sex but my first girlfriend is a victim. /u/Past-Locksmith-5225 Sex

So I’ve been with my current GF for almost 2 years. It’s a serious relationship.

I consider myself the luckiest guy with this woman, but I think the thing I’ve struggled with the most is sex. We’ve been without sex for like a year and a half and have only tried it once, but I reached a point where I’m ok with it and I’m proud of having this level of patience and commitment because I truly can’t imagine myself without her. I don’t want to do something to someone that I wouldn’t like to be done to me is my moral stance. If I get into an accident, I don’t want my partner to leave me because of sex.

The problem is, I kind of need other things to happen constantly so I can feel safe and loved. If she stops doing stuff that makes me feel safe, I may start overthinking a lot of stuff.

We tried having sex once but it didn’t work out. So we only tried having sex once. Later in the relationship she told me someone close to her sexually assaulted her, which makes sense because she was more open to sex at the start but as she got closer to me, it started making her uncomfortable. Now we rarely kiss and she doesn’t like how I kiss but she’s not open to practice because of the trauma. I’ve been in therapy and have tried other things to help me stay secure but she hasn’t gone to therapy herself to tackle this issue and it’s ok with me since a lot has happened in her life that has delayed it, but I still feel like I want to help beat this demon so she can enjoy life more.

I want to feel more connected and loved with physical intimacy, and we cuddle and hug a lot so I’m great with that, but I mostly want her to enjoy sex again. I don’t know if this falls into a savior complex.

Some of you will tell me to break up, but I don’t want to, emotionally or logically. Feel like if I end up with someone else, after having sex with her, my mind will be wishing she had literally 99% of the other qualities my current GF has.

Sometimes I think she thinks she doesn’t want to have sex with me because of the trauma but it may be that I just don’t give her sex vibes and doesn’t feel that sex urge with me, because that has happened to other couples before. Some break up and unexpectedly the man or woman find out they have a sex drive. She has gained a bit of weight and I constantly remind her how beautiful she is. That’s another huge factor it seems since she doesn’t want to be looked at naked, but I honestly cannot get my hands off her (not literally) and I feel great feeling so attracted to her, so that doesn’t help lol.

I don’t want to have sex to have my fill, I don’t even need to do anything with my penis. I just want another glue that makes the relationship better, I want to help her enjoy sex again and that she wants me to do it. I want to have another layer of safety knowing she enjoys sex, just in case other things get worse temporarily.

Not sure if I’m venting or asking for advice.

Btw she’s close to 10 years older than me. She makes my life 10 times better. It’s just that we have this unresolved issue atm.

edit: seeing all the comments, I realize she also doesn’t seem to start working on other areas of her life. Not just the sex part. She really wants to do them but hasn’t been able to get into a routine of doing them.

So I’ve been with my current GF for almost 2 years. It’s a serious relationship.

I consider myself the luckiest guy with this woman, but I think the thing I’ve struggled with the most is sex. We’ve been without sex for like a year and a half and have only tried it once, but I reached a point where I’m ok with it and I’m proud of having this level of patience and commitment because I truly can’t imagine myself without her. I don’t want to do something to someone that I wouldn’t like to be done to me is my moral stance. If I get into an accident, I don’t want my partner to leave me because of sex.

The problem is, I kind of need other things to happen constantly so I can feel safe and loved. If she stops doing stuff that makes me feel safe, I may start overthinking a lot of stuff.

We tried having sex once but it didn’t work out. So we only tried having sex once. Later in the relationship she told me someone close to her sexually assaulted her, which makes sense because she was more open to sex at the start but as she got closer to me, it started making her uncomfortable. Now we rarely kiss and she doesn’t like how I kiss but she’s not open to practice because of the trauma. I’ve been in therapy and have tried other things to help me stay secure but she hasn’t gone to therapy herself to tackle this issue and it’s ok with me since a lot has happened in her life that has delayed it, but I still feel like I want to help beat this demon so she can enjoy life more.

I want to feel more connected and loved with physical intimacy, and we cuddle and hug a lot so I’m great with that, but I mostly want her to enjoy sex again. I don’t know if this falls into a savior complex.

Some of you will tell me to break up, but I don’t want to, emotionally or logically. Feel like if I end up with someone else, after having sex with her, my mind will be wishing she had literally 99% of the other qualities my current GF has.

Sometimes I think she thinks she doesn’t want to have sex with me because of the trauma but it may be that I just don’t give her sex vibes and doesn’t feel that sex urge with me, because that has happened to other couples before. Some break up and unexpectedly the man or woman find out they have a sex drive. She has gained a bit of weight and I constantly remind her how beautiful she is. That’s another huge factor it seems since she doesn’t want to be looked at naked, but I honestly cannot get my hands off her (not literally) and I feel great feeling so attracted to her, so that doesn’t help lol.

I don’t want to have sex to have my fill, I don’t even need to do anything with my penis. I just want another glue that makes the relationship better, I want to help her enjoy sex again and that she wants me to do it. I want to have another layer of safety knowing she enjoys sex, just in case other things get worse temporarily.

Not sure if I’m venting or asking for advice.

Btw she’s close to 10 years older than me. She makes my life 10 times better. It’s just that we have this unresolved issue atm.

edit: seeing all the comments, I realize she also doesn’t seem to start working on other areas of her life. Not just the sex part. She really wants to do them but hasn’t been able to get into a routine of doing them.