TL;DR: Neither masturbating nor my bf’s attempts to finger me have gotten me to orgasm. I don’t seem to be sensitive enough and I can’t stop overthinking / just be in the moment. I have no idea what to do, and I worry that my bf will eventually get frustrated / feel insecure if he can’t pleasure me like I pleasure him.
Long version:
I have had an orgasm once (through masturbation), so it’s technically possible, but it was a one-off so far. Mostly I can’t get into the right headspace. Porn doesn’t do anything for me. Written erotica gets me turned on, but the feeling doesn’t last while I touch myself. When I fantasize, I get distracted. A lot of the time I’ll put on a random vid (not even anything sexual) just to keep me from getting distracted by my own thoughts. What’s most physically pleasurable is humping a pillow, but it doesn’t get me to orgasm. It just fades out, and then I stop. When I use my hands, I usually overthink and it’s not very stimulating. Maybe I’m not sensitive enough??
This has never been a pressing issue… up until my first relationship. For multiple (mostly medical) reasons, my boyfriend and I have not had penetrative sex, but we’ve been pleasuring each other with our hands. When I’m “giving” and he’s “receiving”, everything’s great… but the other way around, it’s a different story. He’s tried fingering me, and each time I stopped it since it didn’t seem to be going anywhere.
It’s not his fault imo. We’re both inexperienced, but he’s attentive, great foreplay, asks me what feels good, follows directions… It just doesn’t work for me.
He’s told me multiple times that he’s willing to try as much as it takes for me to actually enjoy it if I want him to. The problem is – I just don’t know how. I can’t tell him what to do differently because I don’t have a clue myself.
And I always seem to overthink. It’s easier staying in the moment when I’m pleasuring him, but when I’m on the receiving end, my hands don’t have as much to do and that opens up space for me to be too caught up in my own head. I try to focus on him, or to think of stuff that might turn me on, but I can’t get my mind to stay on track and it’s so frustrating.
For me personally, it’s not even a huge problem. I love pleasuring my boyfriend; being close to him feels great physically and emotionally, and that’s enough. Sure, I’d like to be able to orgasm, but I wouldn’t be devastated to find out that it’s impossible.
However, I am afraid that it’s going to put a strain on our relationship if he always comes, but can’t do the same for me. He’s always very gentle about it, but I know he feels bad about himself for not having managed to “achieve” that yet (no matter how much I say he shouldn’t view it as a failure on his part). I understand his frustration, but I just don’t know what to do about it.
How do I find out what gets me to orgasm? Or alternatively: How can we both be satisfied with our sex life despite this imbalance?
submitted by /u/noneedtosparkle247
[link] [comments]
r/sex TL;DR: Neither masturbating nor my bf’s attempts to finger me have gotten me to orgasm. I don’t seem to be sensitive enough and I can’t stop overthinking / just be in the moment. I have no idea what to do, and I worry that my bf will eventually get frustrated / feel insecure if he can’t pleasure me like I pleasure him. Long version: I have had an orgasm once (through masturbation), so it’s technically possible, but it was a one-off so far. Mostly I can’t get into the right headspace. Porn doesn’t do anything for me. Written erotica gets me turned on, but the feeling doesn’t last while I touch myself. When I fantasize, I get distracted. A lot of the time I’ll put on a random vid (not even anything sexual) just to keep me from getting distracted by my own thoughts. What’s most physically pleasurable is humping a pillow, but it doesn’t get me to orgasm. It just fades out, and then I stop. When I use my hands, I usually overthink and it’s not very stimulating. Maybe I’m not sensitive enough?? This has never been a pressing issue… up until my first relationship. For multiple (mostly medical) reasons, my boyfriend and I have not had penetrative sex, but we’ve been pleasuring each other with our hands. When I’m “giving” and he’s “receiving”, everything’s great… but the other way around, it’s a different story. He’s tried fingering me, and each time I stopped it since it didn’t seem to be going anywhere. It’s not his fault imo. We’re both inexperienced, but he’s attentive, great foreplay, asks me what feels good, follows directions… It just doesn’t work for me. He’s told me multiple times that he’s willing to try as much as it takes for me to actually enjoy it if I want him to. The problem is – I just don’t know how. I can’t tell him what to do differently because I don’t have a clue myself. And I always seem to overthink. It’s easier staying in the moment when I’m pleasuring him, but when I’m on the receiving end, my hands don’t have as much to do and that opens up space for me to be too caught up in my own head. I try to focus on him, or to think of stuff that might turn me on, but I can’t get my mind to stay on track and it’s so frustrating. For me personally, it’s not even a huge problem. I love pleasuring my boyfriend; being close to him feels great physically and emotionally, and that’s enough. Sure, I’d like to be able to orgasm, but I wouldn’t be devastated to find out that it’s impossible. However, I am afraid that it’s going to put a strain on our relationship if he always comes, but can’t do the same for me. He’s always very gentle about it, but I know he feels bad about himself for not having managed to “achieve” that yet (no matter how much I say he shouldn’t view it as a failure on his part). I understand his frustration, but I just don’t know what to do about it. How do I find out what gets me to orgasm? Or alternatively: How can we both be satisfied with our sex life despite this imbalance? submitted by /u/noneedtosparkle247 [link] [comments]
TL;DR: Neither masturbating nor my bf’s attempts to finger me have gotten me to orgasm. I don’t seem to be sensitive enough and I can’t stop overthinking / just be in the moment. I have no idea what to do, and I worry that my bf will eventually get frustrated / feel insecure if he can’t pleasure me like I pleasure him.
Long version:
I have had an orgasm once (through masturbation), so it’s technically possible, but it was a one-off so far. Mostly I can’t get into the right headspace. Porn doesn’t do anything for me. Written erotica gets me turned on, but the feeling doesn’t last while I touch myself. When I fantasize, I get distracted. A lot of the time I’ll put on a random vid (not even anything sexual) just to keep me from getting distracted by my own thoughts. What’s most physically pleasurable is humping a pillow, but it doesn’t get me to orgasm. It just fades out, and then I stop. When I use my hands, I usually overthink and it’s not very stimulating. Maybe I’m not sensitive enough??
This has never been a pressing issue… up until my first relationship. For multiple (mostly medical) reasons, my boyfriend and I have not had penetrative sex, but we’ve been pleasuring each other with our hands. When I’m “giving” and he’s “receiving”, everything’s great… but the other way around, it’s a different story. He’s tried fingering me, and each time I stopped it since it didn’t seem to be going anywhere.
It’s not his fault imo. We’re both inexperienced, but he’s attentive, great foreplay, asks me what feels good, follows directions… It just doesn’t work for me.
He’s told me multiple times that he’s willing to try as much as it takes for me to actually enjoy it if I want him to. The problem is – I just don’t know how. I can’t tell him what to do differently because I don’t have a clue myself.
And I always seem to overthink. It’s easier staying in the moment when I’m pleasuring him, but when I’m on the receiving end, my hands don’t have as much to do and that opens up space for me to be too caught up in my own head. I try to focus on him, or to think of stuff that might turn me on, but I can’t get my mind to stay on track and it’s so frustrating.
For me personally, it’s not even a huge problem. I love pleasuring my boyfriend; being close to him feels great physically and emotionally, and that’s enough. Sure, I’d like to be able to orgasm, but I wouldn’t be devastated to find out that it’s impossible.
However, I am afraid that it’s going to put a strain on our relationship if he always comes, but can’t do the same for me. He’s always very gentle about it, but I know he feels bad about himself for not having managed to “achieve” that yet (no matter how much I say he shouldn’t view it as a failure on his part). I understand his frustration, but I just don’t know what to do about it.
How do I find out what gets me to orgasm? Or alternatively: How can we both be satisfied with our sex life despite this imbalance?
submitted by /u/noneedtosparkle247
[link] [comments]