Frustrated that I don’t feel desired/wanted the way i wish I did /u/King_Buliwyf Sex

Wife and I have a good sex life. We have a 3 year old, so time alone can be hard, but we manage.

We are continually trying to maintain romantic and physical connection outside the bedroom as well, not just when we are having/about to have sex. Making time to make out, cuddle, dirty texts or pics, etc. No issue there either.

I’m a very physical person. My wife still (married 8 years) drives me WILD. I love her body, seeing it, touching it, kissing it, everything. She knows this, and likes it.

Sometimes we cuddle, and just cuddle, be close, and enjoy it. We love that.

Sometimes we cuddle, and I’m more handsy. I’ll caress, squeeze, kiss, nibble, all my favourite things to do to all my favourite spots on her. I love treating her body this way so she knows how much I desire her, and because I love doing it. She likes this as well.

I would love to get that treatment/attention back in similar ways, but i NEVER do.

During she is all over me. Touching, kissing, all that good stuff I feel very wanted and attractive. Outside “the bedroom,” she is ALWAYS satisfied to just cuddle, hold hands, etc. Even if stuff happens that has made us go weeks without sex, she never “needs/wants” me the same way I do her.

We will send texts and dirty pics, and she’ll SAY things like, “oh God, I love it, I NEED you so bad,” etc. And that’s great to hear. But I want to EXPERIENCE it sometimes.

I love to just lay her down sometimes when we have a few minutes alone and kiss and touch her everywhere, even if we aren’t gonna have sex. She likes this too.

But it’s NEVER the other direction. I’ve never experienced her wanting to just HAVE my body, kiss me everywhere and such because she just NEEDS to.

I’ve expressed this to her, and she will usually reassure me that she DOES feel that way about me, but that she never really feels the need to do things like that. But that she’ll “take the feedback and try to do more stuff like that.”

Then nothing changes.

We had been texting dirty thoughts recently, and again, she expressed really intense desire and need for me. But as soon as we had a few minutes together, a simple cuddle was enough. She noted me seeming out of sorts, so I mentioned the thing I’ve been wanting and how I’ve mentioned it several times over the years.

She got annoyed and said, “well, honestly, go find someone who’s a clone of you then, and wants to do EXACTLY what you want.” I got irritated, because why bother telling me you feel one way and want to make changes toward it, then turn around and negate all that this time?

I tried comparing it to other things. She’s a big fan of me leaving notes. Eg. “Love you babe, missing you.” It’s not really a big thing for me, but i do it anyway, because I love her, know she appreciates it, and it makes her feel good. She said me comparing things like that is petty.

I don’t know what to do. Hearing her dismiss it like this kind of sours everything else for me. Why would I send a dirty pic, and read your text back about how much you want me, if I never get to see that desire expressed to me the way I wish I would be? It makes me feel silly.

Wife and I have a good sex life. We have a 3 year old, so time alone can be hard, but we manage.

We are continually trying to maintain romantic and physical connection outside the bedroom as well, not just when we are having/about to have sex. Making time to make out, cuddle, dirty texts or pics, etc. No issue there either.

I’m a very physical person. My wife still (married 8 years) drives me WILD. I love her body, seeing it, touching it, kissing it, everything. She knows this, and likes it.

Sometimes we cuddle, and just cuddle, be close, and enjoy it. We love that.

Sometimes we cuddle, and I’m more handsy. I’ll caress, squeeze, kiss, nibble, all my favourite things to do to all my favourite spots on her. I love treating her body this way so she knows how much I desire her, and because I love doing it. She likes this as well.

I would love to get that treatment/attention back in similar ways, but i NEVER do.

During she is all over me. Touching, kissing, all that good stuff I feel very wanted and attractive. Outside “the bedroom,” she is ALWAYS satisfied to just cuddle, hold hands, etc. Even if stuff happens that has made us go weeks without sex, she never “needs/wants” me the same way I do her.

We will send texts and dirty pics, and she’ll SAY things like, “oh God, I love it, I NEED you so bad,” etc. And that’s great to hear. But I want to EXPERIENCE it sometimes.

I love to just lay her down sometimes when we have a few minutes alone and kiss and touch her everywhere, even if we aren’t gonna have sex. She likes this too.

But it’s NEVER the other direction. I’ve never experienced her wanting to just HAVE my body, kiss me everywhere and such because she just NEEDS to.

I’ve expressed this to her, and she will usually reassure me that she DOES feel that way about me, but that she never really feels the need to do things like that. But that she’ll “take the feedback and try to do more stuff like that.”

Then nothing changes.

We had been texting dirty thoughts recently, and again, she expressed really intense desire and need for me. But as soon as we had a few minutes together, a simple cuddle was enough. She noted me seeming out of sorts, so I mentioned the thing I’ve been wanting and how I’ve mentioned it several times over the years.

She got annoyed and said, “well, honestly, go find someone who’s a clone of you then, and wants to do EXACTLY what you want.” I got irritated, because why bother telling me you feel one way and want to make changes toward it, then turn around and negate all that this time?

I tried comparing it to other things. She’s a big fan of me leaving notes. Eg. “Love you babe, missing you.” It’s not really a big thing for me, but i do it anyway, because I love her, know she appreciates it, and it makes her feel good. She said me comparing things like that is petty.

I don’t know what to do. Hearing her dismiss it like this kind of sours everything else for me. Why would I send a dirty pic, and read your text back about how much you want me, if I never get to see that desire expressed to me the way I wish I would be? It makes me feel silly.