I am really struggling with the lack of a sex life with my wife /u/Batmaniswatching Sex

I’m 39 and my wife is 31 and in all of 2024 we had sex two times. I recognize that I have an extremely high sex drives. Since the age of 8, I masterbate anywhere from 3-6 times a day and at 39, my drive hasn’t slowed down. My wife and I have been together 12 years. For the first few years we had a pretty healthy sex life. We’d be together a couple times a week. Over the years the amount has naturally come down, which I totally understand and have been fine with. But the last 2-3 years have been extremely rough for me.

I have always found my wife attractive and still do the same as I ever have, which I am sure to remind her often. She’s been depressed for a long time, put on a little weight that she’s uncomfortable with and just told me she struggles with sex because of her feelings about her body. I try to remind her all the time how beautiful she is, but also have always been respectful and never pushed or got angry about the lack of sex.

We’ve gone to some couples counseling about various things and over some sessions both myself and the therapist brought up our sex life and my wife said she didn’t want to talk about it. So I respected that I never asked again in therapy.

It dawned on me on new years that for all of 2024, we had sex two times. Once on my birthday, where I could tell her heart wasn’t in it, but I appreciated the gesture. And once where she was actually excited and it was great.

I don’t know what to do. I love my wife. I respect her boundaries. I try to genuinely compliment her often as I find her to be more and more beautiful over the years. I am totally understanding that sex drives go down over the years. I don’t expect to have sex everyday or week or even month. But twice in a year is really tough for me. Sex is important to me. I really enjoy it and it feels like a great way to connect with my partner. I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a basically sexless marriage.

I guess I’m just looking for advice. Maybe from people who lost their drive but their partner did something to help spark it again. Just feeling lost.

I’m 39 and my wife is 31 and in all of 2024 we had sex two times. I recognize that I have an extremely high sex drives. Since the age of 8, I masterbate anywhere from 3-6 times a day and at 39, my drive hasn’t slowed down. My wife and I have been together 12 years. For the first few years we had a pretty healthy sex life. We’d be together a couple times a week. Over the years the amount has naturally come down, which I totally understand and have been fine with. But the last 2-3 years have been extremely rough for me.

I have always found my wife attractive and still do the same as I ever have, which I am sure to remind her often. She’s been depressed for a long time, put on a little weight that she’s uncomfortable with and just told me she struggles with sex because of her feelings about her body. I try to remind her all the time how beautiful she is, but also have always been respectful and never pushed or got angry about the lack of sex.

We’ve gone to some couples counseling about various things and over some sessions both myself and the therapist brought up our sex life and my wife said she didn’t want to talk about it. So I respected that I never asked again in therapy.

It dawned on me on new years that for all of 2024, we had sex two times. Once on my birthday, where I could tell her heart wasn’t in it, but I appreciated the gesture. And once where she was actually excited and it was great.

I don’t know what to do. I love my wife. I respect her boundaries. I try to genuinely compliment her often as I find her to be more and more beautiful over the years. I am totally understanding that sex drives go down over the years. I don’t expect to have sex everyday or week or even month. But twice in a year is really tough for me. Sex is important to me. I really enjoy it and it feels like a great way to connect with my partner. I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a basically sexless marriage.

I guess I’m just looking for advice. Maybe from people who lost their drive but their partner did something to help spark it again. Just feeling lost.