How can I get out of my head when having sex? /u/rlblakey17 Sex

Trigger Warning: SA

I (32F) have been with my husband (35M) for 11 years. Growing up, I never really thought about sex other than kissing and touching, never penetrative. My first experience having sex was my high school boyfriend SA me; this and having depression and anxiety for now 20+ years (currently medicated) is baggage I brought into our relationship. I really want to be excited for sex and initiate with my husband. I’m the reason we have sex as little as we do, and my body often makes sex painful for him no matter how much foreplay or lube is used. I have gained a significant amount of weight since covid and am trying to be more confident as well, but I feel like it’s going to take more to not be so high strung and in my head. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Trigger Warning: SA

I (32F) have been with my husband (35M) for 11 years. Growing up, I never really thought about sex other than kissing and touching, never penetrative. My first experience having sex was my high school boyfriend SA me; this and having depression and anxiety for now 20+ years (currently medicated) is baggage I brought into our relationship. I really want to be excited for sex and initiate with my husband. I’m the reason we have sex as little as we do, and my body often makes sex painful for him no matter how much foreplay or lube is used. I have gained a significant amount of weight since covid and am trying to be more confident as well, but I feel like it’s going to take more to not be so high strung and in my head. Any suggestions are appreciated.