Would you want to know? (Ending a FWB situationship) /u/reluctantdonkey Sex

My New Year’s resolution is to end a FWB relationship that’s been going on for 2.25 years. (Me: 50F, him, 47M.)

We started out as dating-with-intention, but, he quickly revealed himself to be a hot relational mess. (I broke up with him thrice back then.) However, we have epic chemistry. (He’s a supremely selfish lover… but, it plays well with some of my kinks, so it’s good for fun, but not what I want long-term.)

I have tried to just slow-fade lots of times, but he always ends up back in my bed (or, more precisely, me on his couch.)

This new year, I am focused on finding what I’m actually looking for (or, at least, not putting time and effort into what-I’m-not-looking-for), so I’d like to not hook up with him anymore.

We have no expectations of exclusivity– the times that he has found someone to date-with-intention or I have, we just kind of slow-fade, so a “break-up” is not technically required.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit to having deeper feelings for him– but, also, I am some weird side-slice of demi that can’t hook up with someone unless some of that is in play, so it’s a thing I’ve just self-navigated (and, also, why this had worked so well at all). I also logistically know that, even if he said, “Let’s really make a go at dating again!” it would not work for many reasons– sexual and non-sexual.

We live in a small town, so the ol’ “block and delete” hasn’t worked in the past. We see each other out and about with relative frequency. And, I’m not wanting him to think it’s anything dramatic or contentious, it’s just what feels right to me.

So, I would love your advice and input (what with he’s hitting me up on text, as we speak):

– Do I tell him verbatim I don’t wish to hook up with him anymore?

– Do I just keep conversations to platonic and not roll with it when he turns them sexual (which is always)?

– Do I just not respond unless he says he’s broke down on the side of the road and needs a tow?

– Is there a way to tell him that I’m ending the FWB thing without him thinking I’m dropping some kind of “you really need to date me” ultimatum, because I’m truly not… He could even perhaps be helpful to me in ending that, if I said it correctly.

I’m especially interested in men’s opinions on how to gracefully exit something like this.

My New Year’s resolution is to end a FWB relationship that’s been going on for 2.25 years. (Me: 50F, him, 47M.)

We started out as dating-with-intention, but, he quickly revealed himself to be a hot relational mess. (I broke up with him thrice back then.) However, we have epic chemistry. (He’s a supremely selfish lover… but, it plays well with some of my kinks, so it’s good for fun, but not what I want long-term.)

I have tried to just slow-fade lots of times, but he always ends up back in my bed (or, more precisely, me on his couch.)

This new year, I am focused on finding what I’m actually looking for (or, at least, not putting time and effort into what-I’m-not-looking-for), so I’d like to not hook up with him anymore.

We have no expectations of exclusivity– the times that he has found someone to date-with-intention or I have, we just kind of slow-fade, so a “break-up” is not technically required.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit to having deeper feelings for him– but, also, I am some weird side-slice of demi that can’t hook up with someone unless some of that is in play, so it’s a thing I’ve just self-navigated (and, also, why this had worked so well at all). I also logistically know that, even if he said, “Let’s really make a go at dating again!” it would not work for many reasons– sexual and non-sexual.

We live in a small town, so the ol’ “block and delete” hasn’t worked in the past. We see each other out and about with relative frequency. And, I’m not wanting him to think it’s anything dramatic or contentious, it’s just what feels right to me.

So, I would love your advice and input (what with he’s hitting me up on text, as we speak):

– Do I tell him verbatim I don’t wish to hook up with him anymore?

– Do I just keep conversations to platonic and not roll with it when he turns them sexual (which is always)?

– Do I just not respond unless he says he’s broke down on the side of the road and needs a tow?

– Is there a way to tell him that I’m ending the FWB thing without him thinking I’m dropping some kind of “you really need to date me” ultimatum, because I’m truly not… He could even perhaps be helpful to me in ending that, if I said it correctly.

I’m especially interested in men’s opinions on how to gracefully exit something like this.