How to increase sexual desire? Not that interested in sex anymore. /u/AdIllustrious9460 Sex

I (28F) have been with my partner (28M) for 7 years now. He was the first person I’ve had sex with, and at the beginning when sex was so new to me, we had sex multiple times per week, I wanted to try everything! However, recently I’m just not as interested. We have sex maybe 2-4 times per month, and while this is okay with me, I wish I had a way to increase sex drive both for my own pleasure and my partner’s.

A few things:

1. I’m just not as interested in sex as I am in other things. I would rather spend time watching a good show, going out for dinner, chatting, reading, spending time with my family, going shopping, etc. than having sex. And I don’t hate sex, but I’d rather do all these other things instead, which I know is not fair to my partner.

2. I just feel like when it comes time to have sex, there is so much work and effort that goes into it that turns me off. People say to schedule sex, but as soon as sex is scheduled, I feel anxious thinking “But what if the time comes and I don’t want sex and then he’s disappointed?” Even if sex is spontaneous, and my partner is putting in the effort to give me a massage and make me comfortable, I just think “He’s only giving me a massage because he wants to have sex, so now there is the expectation that massage = sex and I can’t even enjoy the massage because I know there is expectations after the massage.”

3. We both live with our parents as I am completing my PhD and saving money (will be finished in a few weeks!) and he had to move back home with his parents after financial difficulties, but we plan to move in together shortly. I just think sex in a parent’s home is a mood-killer, but I feel like it’s not fair to just not have sex at all. We have travelled together and stay in hotel rooms sometimes, but again, I feel like when we plan to get a hotel room, the expectation of steamy sex in the future actually makes me nervous and turns me off.

Other pieces of info. I’m not on any birth control. I struggle with stress and anxiety generally, but it has been under control for some time. I am physically fit and healthy, and my partner is attracted to my body. I am really into the idea of sex. I love erotic novels and movies and I wish my relationship was as steamy and sexy as those! I watch porn sometimes, I masturbate, own sex toys. I sometimes prefer masturbating to sex. My partner and I are pretty vanilla and sometimes I wish he could more experimental. But nothing is wrong in our relationship and we love each other so much and are hoping to move out/get engaged and married in the 1-3 years. But this is always weighing on me as I feel like something is wrong with me!

What do you do to increase sex drive?

I (28F) have been with my partner (28M) for 7 years now. He was the first person I’ve had sex with, and at the beginning when sex was so new to me, we had sex multiple times per week, I wanted to try everything! However, recently I’m just not as interested. We have sex maybe 2-4 times per month, and while this is okay with me, I wish I had a way to increase sex drive both for my own pleasure and my partner’s.

A few things:

1. I’m just not as interested in sex as I am in other things. I would rather spend time watching a good show, going out for dinner, chatting, reading, spending time with my family, going shopping, etc. than having sex. And I don’t hate sex, but I’d rather do all these other things instead, which I know is not fair to my partner.

2. I just feel like when it comes time to have sex, there is so much work and effort that goes into it that turns me off. People say to schedule sex, but as soon as sex is scheduled, I feel anxious thinking “But what if the time comes and I don’t want sex and then he’s disappointed?” Even if sex is spontaneous, and my partner is putting in the effort to give me a massage and make me comfortable, I just think “He’s only giving me a massage because he wants to have sex, so now there is the expectation that massage = sex and I can’t even enjoy the massage because I know there is expectations after the massage.”

3. We both live with our parents as I am completing my PhD and saving money (will be finished in a few weeks!) and he had to move back home with his parents after financial difficulties, but we plan to move in together shortly. I just think sex in a parent’s home is a mood-killer, but I feel like it’s not fair to just not have sex at all. We have travelled together and stay in hotel rooms sometimes, but again, I feel like when we plan to get a hotel room, the expectation of steamy sex in the future actually makes me nervous and turns me off.

Other pieces of info. I’m not on any birth control. I struggle with stress and anxiety generally, but it has been under control for some time. I am physically fit and healthy, and my partner is attracted to my body. I am really into the idea of sex. I love erotic novels and movies and I wish my relationship was as steamy and sexy as those! I watch porn sometimes, I masturbate, own sex toys. I sometimes prefer masturbating to sex. My partner and I are pretty vanilla and sometimes I wish he could more experimental. But nothing is wrong in our relationship and we love each other so much and are hoping to move out/get engaged and married in the 1-3 years. But this is always weighing on me as I feel like something is wrong with me!

What do you do to increase sex drive?