Threesome gone weird as hell. /u/Due-Parfait-2587 Sex

My (now) ex boyfriend had discussed a threesome many times. He had many boundaries around wanting me to be the center of attention, going so far as to say he didn’t want to sleep with anyone but me, ever. Finally he told me he was open to it with one of my close friends, but asked me to initiate it if/when it felt right (we were staying together on a trip so it seemed possible). I was taking videos of us all being, she did something cute like lick his forehead in a silly way, and then I said “wait you guys should kiss” (to initiate the threesome). She climbed right on top of him, he asked if he should get his nice camera (we work in film and photography) and I ended up watching them… get as close to having sex without having sex for 30-45 minutes. Not once did my boyfriend pull me towards them. Ask me to join. Have me set down the camera. Or kiss me. I felt so so weird. I was completely ignored. He was obviously into it, they had chemistry, and when the camera died my friend got up and went to bed which was appropriate as I said “well, I’d like something now!” She is more straight than she realized, and her and I are closer than ever. She went into the other hotel room, and he laid on his back like a starfish completely ignoring me. I was shocked. I told him I needed some form of intimacy, that we didn’t need to talk about it because it was new for him but that I really needed some love and reassurance, even just kissing me, holding me close, literally anything. He wouldn’t do it. I totally spiraled, freaked out, and felt like he was realizing he wanted to just have sex with her. After she left I said “wow, it looked like you guys were really about to fuck till the camera died.” He said “no, I wouldn’t have this time but maybe next time.” Zero checking in on my feelings. Pretending for two weeks that he was only acting and didn’t enjoy it at all… as if I couldn’t see his hard on… lol.

He finally ended up saying that it felt good to “just be liked by someone.” And that he felt violated by her… even though he admitted he really enjoyed it and even said she was as good of a kisser as I am, just more fun.

His vexation each time I brought it up — this is a pattern whenever I bring up hurt feelings having to do with him, though I am very nonjudgmental and take ownership of my part, always — was what truly concerned me.

Where is the empathy, the gentleness, the ability to hold space in a genuine way? Is this person a sociopath? It’s become such a worrisome dynamic in our entire relationship.

My (now) ex boyfriend had discussed a threesome many times. He had many boundaries around wanting me to be the center of attention, going so far as to say he didn’t want to sleep with anyone but me, ever. Finally he told me he was open to it with one of my close friends, but asked me to initiate it if/when it felt right (we were staying together on a trip so it seemed possible). I was taking videos of us all being, she did something cute like lick his forehead in a silly way, and then I said “wait you guys should kiss” (to initiate the threesome). She climbed right on top of him, he asked if he should get his nice camera (we work in film and photography) and I ended up watching them… get as close to having sex without having sex for 30-45 minutes. Not once did my boyfriend pull me towards them. Ask me to join. Have me set down the camera. Or kiss me. I felt so so weird. I was completely ignored. He was obviously into it, they had chemistry, and when the camera died my friend got up and went to bed which was appropriate as I said “well, I’d like something now!” She is more straight than she realized, and her and I are closer than ever. She went into the other hotel room, and he laid on his back like a starfish completely ignoring me. I was shocked. I told him I needed some form of intimacy, that we didn’t need to talk about it because it was new for him but that I really needed some love and reassurance, even just kissing me, holding me close, literally anything. He wouldn’t do it. I totally spiraled, freaked out, and felt like he was realizing he wanted to just have sex with her. After she left I said “wow, it looked like you guys were really about to fuck till the camera died.” He said “no, I wouldn’t have this time but maybe next time.” Zero checking in on my feelings. Pretending for two weeks that he was only acting and didn’t enjoy it at all… as if I couldn’t see his hard on… lol.

He finally ended up saying that it felt good to “just be liked by someone.” And that he felt violated by her… even though he admitted he really enjoyed it and even said she was as good of a kisser as I am, just more fun.

His vexation each time I brought it up — this is a pattern whenever I bring up hurt feelings having to do with him, though I am very nonjudgmental and take ownership of my part, always — was what truly concerned me.

Where is the empathy, the gentleness, the ability to hold space in a genuine way? Is this person a sociopath? It’s become such a worrisome dynamic in our entire relationship.