Advice on avoiding slipping into the “Forever DM to Main Character Syndrome Player” play style? /u/companionspecies DnD: Roll for Initiative!

I’ll try to keep this brief, as I think most people know what I’m describing. I mostly GM for my groups, which I love. I’ve grown my storytelling, improvising, and game design skill over the last few years with this hobby and the people I play with are great. Sometimes, someone else takes the reins for a one shot, which gives me a rare opportunity to play without doing all the prep. However, I often run into friction during play; whether perceived/internal or actual interpersonal, I don’t know; as I’m used to being the most active/talkative/”on” person at the table.

I don’t mean that I’m coming to session 0 with a character that’s Boy Destiny Chosen One, cheesed and minmaxed to hell, Edgelord Lone Wolf, metagamer who read the module already, etc etc etc.

I try to not steal scenes and to not be the party leader. I try to be a good team player when doing RP scenes, alley-ooping things to other players, not staying in the spotlight for too long. I don’t offer the GM advice or try to rules lawyer or haggle. I try to be the kind of player I’d want to play with!

On the other hand……I can’t help it that I’m very into this hobby, that I’m used to doing the assigned homework, and that I’ve built up a good memory for rules, mechanics, plot points, and clues.

I do find that I’m often the one at the table with a functional backstory (eg not long, just relevant to what the DM asked for). I’ve usually read the rules by the time we sit down and can remember them. I hesitate less when something happens, or when it’s my turn, because I’m used to having to keep the Players’ attention and act quickly.

Again, I’m not trying to steal the scene or lead the party, I’m just trying to be the kind of player I’d want to have!

Typing this out, I do wonder if this “friction” is mostly just internal– as a GM I’m not used to having “downtime” during games, where the rest of my party is thinking about what to do, when I don’t have to be “on” and paying attention, so times where other players aren’t doing anything feels like dead air. And maybe this is just the usual GM feelings about wishing for players to be more invested coming out….😬

Either way, how does one deal with this?

I know it probably comes down to getting comfortable with waiting, letting players who aren’t quick at improv/RP take as much time as they need, holding one’s tongue when people ask lots of rules questions.

However, I’m still interested in thoughts on this! How do you make the adjustment? How do you like being a player if you usually GM? Does this usually require a bit of “divestment” from the game, since you’re not running it?

I’ll try to keep this brief, as I think most people know what I’m describing. I mostly GM for my groups, which I love. I’ve grown my storytelling, improvising, and game design skill over the last few years with this hobby and the people I play with are great. Sometimes, someone else takes the reins for a one shot, which gives me a rare opportunity to play without doing all the prep. However, I often run into friction during play; whether perceived/internal or actual interpersonal, I don’t know; as I’m used to being the most active/talkative/”on” person at the table.

I don’t mean that I’m coming to session 0 with a character that’s Boy Destiny Chosen One, cheesed and minmaxed to hell, Edgelord Lone Wolf, metagamer who read the module already, etc etc etc.

I try to not steal scenes and to not be the party leader. I try to be a good team player when doing RP scenes, alley-ooping things to other players, not staying in the spotlight for too long. I don’t offer the GM advice or try to rules lawyer or haggle. I try to be the kind of player I’d want to play with!

On the other hand……I can’t help it that I’m very into this hobby, that I’m used to doing the assigned homework, and that I’ve built up a good memory for rules, mechanics, plot points, and clues.

I do find that I’m often the one at the table with a functional backstory (eg not long, just relevant to what the DM asked for). I’ve usually read the rules by the time we sit down and can remember them. I hesitate less when something happens, or when it’s my turn, because I’m used to having to keep the Players’ attention and act quickly.

Again, I’m not trying to steal the scene or lead the party, I’m just trying to be the kind of player I’d want to have!

Typing this out, I do wonder if this “friction” is mostly just internal– as a GM I’m not used to having “downtime” during games, where the rest of my party is thinking about what to do, when I don’t have to be “on” and paying attention, so times where other players aren’t doing anything feels like dead air. And maybe this is just the usual GM feelings about wishing for players to be more invested coming out….😬

Either way, how does one deal with this?

I know it probably comes down to getting comfortable with waiting, letting players who aren’t quick at improv/RP take as much time as they need, holding one’s tongue when people ask lots of rules questions.

However, I’m still interested in thoughts on this! How do you make the adjustment? How do you like being a player if you usually GM? Does this usually require a bit of “divestment” from the game, since you’re not running it?