(M28) My relationship with sex continues to ruin my confidence (Rant) /u/Franco2196 Sex

For as long as I can remember, dating back to an unusually young age, sex became something of a taboo I wanted to take part in. Unusually young me, fueled by rumors in the 4th grade (yes, THAT young) I wanted to veer through the firewalls my parents put up on my pc account and see this “taboo” side of the world that I wasn’t allowed to see.

I’m 28 years old now. And I constantly feel inadequate. My lack of confidence combined with my unpredictable mood swings make time with my S.O. Of 7 years (F25) frustrating. We have wonderful us time together. It’s relaxing. It’s fun. It’s calm. But sex has become such a struggle for me. It’s the very first thing I turn to for (assumed) depression, sadness, and physical intimacy. It becomes so incredibly frustrating when I wish I didn’t want it so much. It’s pushed my significant other away from feeling comfortable sharing sexual intimacy with me. I have a strong feeling the mood swings are tied to some form of Undiagnosed ADHD I’m very suspicious of having.

I’m not asking for sympathy. I just want advice. Even when I’m doing other things by myself or with her or even friends, I want and crave sex in a way that genuinely frightens me. It becomes almost animalistic in nature in a way where I become aggressive and easily frustrated, all while contributing to this lack of confidence in it combined with a lack of feeling wanted because my actions have resulted in my advances being denied by my partner.

This is my responsibility to fix. My responsibility to find a way around. My partner and I have phenomenal communication skills, and I know she tries to satisfy it. But I told her recently I want her to stop. Because I don’t want it to always feel like a chore. I know we’re not gonna always want it from each other. But I don’t want her to feel like it’s a burden. I don’t want her to feel like she has to cave. I need to find a way out of this hole. Find a way to reverse this so sex becomes something that’s in the back of my mind, something that’s fun again. Rather than something that feels like I need it constantly.

I also plan to return to therapy to more thoroughly dissect this.

For as long as I can remember, dating back to an unusually young age, sex became something of a taboo I wanted to take part in. Unusually young me, fueled by rumors in the 4th grade (yes, THAT young) I wanted to veer through the firewalls my parents put up on my pc account and see this “taboo” side of the world that I wasn’t allowed to see.

I’m 28 years old now. And I constantly feel inadequate. My lack of confidence combined with my unpredictable mood swings make time with my S.O. Of 7 years (F25) frustrating. We have wonderful us time together. It’s relaxing. It’s fun. It’s calm. But sex has become such a struggle for me. It’s the very first thing I turn to for (assumed) depression, sadness, and physical intimacy. It becomes so incredibly frustrating when I wish I didn’t want it so much. It’s pushed my significant other away from feeling comfortable sharing sexual intimacy with me. I have a strong feeling the mood swings are tied to some form of Undiagnosed ADHD I’m very suspicious of having.

I’m not asking for sympathy. I just want advice. Even when I’m doing other things by myself or with her or even friends, I want and crave sex in a way that genuinely frightens me. It becomes almost animalistic in nature in a way where I become aggressive and easily frustrated, all while contributing to this lack of confidence in it combined with a lack of feeling wanted because my actions have resulted in my advances being denied by my partner.

This is my responsibility to fix. My responsibility to find a way around. My partner and I have phenomenal communication skills, and I know she tries to satisfy it. But I told her recently I want her to stop. Because I don’t want it to always feel like a chore. I know we’re not gonna always want it from each other. But I don’t want her to feel like it’s a burden. I don’t want her to feel like she has to cave. I need to find a way out of this hole. Find a way to reverse this so sex becomes something that’s in the back of my mind, something that’s fun again. Rather than something that feels like I need it constantly.

I also plan to return to therapy to more thoroughly dissect this.