Why do I crave physical and emotional intimacy so much? /u/ZindagiJhandHaiYaarr Sex

I’m single for 5 years now after my first relationship. Earlier I wasn’t looking for any relationship, casual or romantic, but ever since I have moved on, there’s this extreme urge to again get emotionally connected to someone, to love someone and touch their body and get intimate and be with someone whom I can call my life partner.

But, I’m not able to find anyone who matches my criteria of being childfree while also being compatible with me. Due to some reason, everything ends just at the talking stage only even though I don’t make anyone uncomfortable and do my best to put effort into the conversation. Even my bad luck is bad lol.

I also feel lonely cause I don’t have much friends IRL, so I explored internet and found out about escorts/sex workers. I had prioritised emotional intimacy over physical but I couldn’t control my urge to be touched by someone, to hug someone, to kiss someone, to hold their hands even for a brief moment and I had my first escort experience last year. But I would say it was a really decision on my end.

I couldn’t get hard with them, always living in my head and even if they asked if I’m stressed or anything is wrong, I just said I was fine. After a year, I thought of trying again. This time my experience wasn’t that much bad but still bad cause again I couldn’t get hard for a long time and always lost in my head when I’m having sex with the woman. I tried to do it with 4-5 women and due to some issue either from my side or theirs, I didn’t even cum even a single time.

Fortunately, I found a call girl nearby my hometown and I won’t say my experience was bad with her but also not that much good from my side cause again same issue that I couldn’t concentrate in the moment. But I’m again feeling like wanting to meet her. She’s educated, humble in nature and most importantly she’s engaged in the act.

Now, I have two questions:

1. What can I do manage my emotions? It is like I want a relationship but I have a bad luck in that aspect but I also crave physical intimacy. I know it won’t last much and I’ll be with her just for few hours but when I touched her, I felt so good that time that I want to meet her again. But I’m also someone who believe emotional intimacy is most important thing to actually experience physical pleasure with the other person and I feel disconnected emotionally with escorts. There’s also money involved and the connection isn’t organic and I have to spend from my savings too. So, I don’t know if I should visit her or not.

2. When a girl blows me, at first I feel extremely aroused but then my mind relax and I lose the erection or my mind get diverted toward something else and even then I lose my erection cause I’m not living in the present moment. I don’t use climax delay condoms but still when I try to put on the condom or the girl do it, I begin to lose my erection. And it has happened many times that when I have sex with someone else, all those memories comes in my mind and I feel performance pressure and my arousal goes away. What to do in such situation?

I’m sure that I don’t have ED cause my penis become erect when I masturbate but when I have sex, I lose erection and my arousal disappears too.

I’m single for 5 years now after my first relationship. Earlier I wasn’t looking for any relationship, casual or romantic, but ever since I have moved on, there’s this extreme urge to again get emotionally connected to someone, to love someone and touch their body and get intimate and be with someone whom I can call my life partner.

But, I’m not able to find anyone who matches my criteria of being childfree while also being compatible with me. Due to some reason, everything ends just at the talking stage only even though I don’t make anyone uncomfortable and do my best to put effort into the conversation. Even my bad luck is bad lol.

I also feel lonely cause I don’t have much friends IRL, so I explored internet and found out about escorts/sex workers. I had prioritised emotional intimacy over physical but I couldn’t control my urge to be touched by someone, to hug someone, to kiss someone, to hold their hands even for a brief moment and I had my first escort experience last year. But I would say it was a really decision on my end.

I couldn’t get hard with them, always living in my head and even if they asked if I’m stressed or anything is wrong, I just said I was fine. After a year, I thought of trying again. This time my experience wasn’t that much bad but still bad cause again I couldn’t get hard for a long time and always lost in my head when I’m having sex with the woman. I tried to do it with 4-5 women and due to some issue either from my side or theirs, I didn’t even cum even a single time.

Fortunately, I found a call girl nearby my hometown and I won’t say my experience was bad with her but also not that much good from my side cause again same issue that I couldn’t concentrate in the moment. But I’m again feeling like wanting to meet her. She’s educated, humble in nature and most importantly she’s engaged in the act.

Now, I have two questions:

1. What can I do manage my emotions? It is like I want a relationship but I have a bad luck in that aspect but I also crave physical intimacy. I know it won’t last much and I’ll be with her just for few hours but when I touched her, I felt so good that time that I want to meet her again. But I’m also someone who believe emotional intimacy is most important thing to actually experience physical pleasure with the other person and I feel disconnected emotionally with escorts. There’s also money involved and the connection isn’t organic and I have to spend from my savings too. So, I don’t know if I should visit her or not.

2. When a girl blows me, at first I feel extremely aroused but then my mind relax and I lose the erection or my mind get diverted toward something else and even then I lose my erection cause I’m not living in the present moment. I don’t use climax delay condoms but still when I try to put on the condom or the girl do it, I begin to lose my erection. And it has happened many times that when I have sex with someone else, all those memories comes in my mind and I feel performance pressure and my arousal goes away. What to do in such situation?

I’m sure that I don’t have ED cause my penis become erect when I masturbate but when I have sex, I lose erection and my arousal disappears too.